It's the day after the 13th General Election with the dirtiest tactics used by you-know-who to win the parliament. Disgusted really I am. Conscience - where art thou?
Aside from feeling bluesy because of the pathetic 13th GE cheatings, I'm also pretty disturbed by my current life situation which is very difficult to change. I know I've been reminded time and again, to be thankful for having such a lovely nice mil, I must learn to appreciate her... yes.
But somewhere inside me have this tendency to wonder or to question how 'nice' can she really be or is she trying to be hero. You know the olden days sacrificial women who would go all out and even die for her husband? Maybe she is really like that old school, that I find it too tough indeed to stomach in. How can she still accept it when her husband repeated scold her "you stupid! stupid!"
The fact is I cannot tolerate my fil being a MCP (male chauvinist pig) flaunting his aggressive remark towards his own family members, I also seem unable to accept that the oppressed keeping mum about it, as if to accept that it is ok to be bullied.
No I cannot accept. My patience and tolerance level seems to reaching a threshold, I'm afraid if one fine day my heart will burst and I'd lash out with a sharp tongue. I know I am so capable of hurting people, please don't let me.
Question - how long more can I tolerate before I burst? Should I take steps to diffuse the tension inside me and meanwhile not hurt anybody?
Oh ya... Buddha say whatever decision or action that we might take, it might not hurt thyself and not hurt others. I will try to be mindful, that my secret plan would not hurt anybody.
Just for the record ~
1. I don't want my mil to spoil my only son.
2. The fact is that my mil is overly nice (lotsa metta), but she is also a very intense reactive person, which may not necessary be a good thing (lack of upekkha).
3. I cannot take the responsibility if my mil injure herself in the course of babysitting my child. I'm very worried if she fell down due to slippery floor or when she trip after running towards my son.
4. My fil is living alone now as my mil moved in to live with us just to babysit my son. Some people don't think its fair to split up the old folks, they should be together, all the more so as they're already aging.
...
If I want, I can continue giving all the excuses to comfort me, in my secret plan that cannot be revealed. Not even to my husband, who would not be able to comprehend. This is his parents that I'm talking about.
Am I selfish?
I just wish I can strike a balance, drive towards a moderate path, comprised approach, to be solely (if not 50-50) responsible for my son's upbringing. And to be at peace with my heart and mind.
Aside from feeling bluesy because of the pathetic 13th GE cheatings, I'm also pretty disturbed by my current life situation which is very difficult to change. I know I've been reminded time and again, to be thankful for having such a lovely nice mil, I must learn to appreciate her... yes.
But somewhere inside me have this tendency to wonder or to question how 'nice' can she really be or is she trying to be hero. You know the olden days sacrificial women who would go all out and even die for her husband? Maybe she is really like that old school, that I find it too tough indeed to stomach in. How can she still accept it when her husband repeated scold her "you stupid! stupid!"
The fact is I cannot tolerate my fil being a MCP (male chauvinist pig) flaunting his aggressive remark towards his own family members, I also seem unable to accept that the oppressed keeping mum about it, as if to accept that it is ok to be bullied.
No I cannot accept. My patience and tolerance level seems to reaching a threshold, I'm afraid if one fine day my heart will burst and I'd lash out with a sharp tongue. I know I am so capable of hurting people, please don't let me.
Question - how long more can I tolerate before I burst? Should I take steps to diffuse the tension inside me and meanwhile not hurt anybody?
Oh ya... Buddha say whatever decision or action that we might take, it might not hurt thyself and not hurt others. I will try to be mindful, that my secret plan would not hurt anybody.
Just for the record ~
1. I don't want my mil to spoil my only son.
2. The fact is that my mil is overly nice (lotsa metta), but she is also a very intense reactive person, which may not necessary be a good thing (lack of upekkha).
3. I cannot take the responsibility if my mil injure herself in the course of babysitting my child. I'm very worried if she fell down due to slippery floor or when she trip after running towards my son.
4. My fil is living alone now as my mil moved in to live with us just to babysit my son. Some people don't think its fair to split up the old folks, they should be together, all the more so as they're already aging.
...
If I want, I can continue giving all the excuses to comfort me, in my secret plan that cannot be revealed. Not even to my husband, who would not be able to comprehend. This is his parents that I'm talking about.
Am I selfish?
I just wish I can strike a balance, drive towards a moderate path, comprised approach, to be solely (if not 50-50) responsible for my son's upbringing. And to be at peace with my heart and mind.
