barely breathing

Heading off to Penang afternoon by bus from Pudu, just 2 lrt stop away from my office. Very sleepy every night. No time to blog crap.

Wishing for a day of rest... say a day with nothing to do.

I overheard a conversation "time passes really fast..."

"yeah esp this year!"

It's going to be November and I haven't get my new house key.

I think better go sleep now... just finish the sunday school appreciate nite menu card thingy. Newsletter will be fresh from the oven by this Saturday for distribution at the dinner. Will be rushing back from Penang to vihara.

Why am I always barely breathing...

To do list piling up...

Finally got the CS3 to work, the trick was to copy the entire dvd content into c: drive... like DOH! Wasting time. Well, don't ask me how I get so cranky lately.

I've so much stuff to clear from my to-do list, I wish I have more time. But given if I have more time, I wish I have more hands. There's lotsa articles coming in this time of the year.. and the funniest piece I read so far from a 12 year old, on How can Buddhism help me?

"Buddhism can help us when we are dead, because it help us determine whether we will go to hell or heaven, reborn as animal, ghost or Arahant etc. Buddhism can prevent me from breaking precepts. Buddhism can also lead us to end samsara so that we don't need to suffer anymore. I hope that through this story I wrote could advise people to learn more about Buddhism."

I guess for now, after 'san' everything to sayang already, no more energy left to blog about it. One of the strain came from problem girl from school, who suddenly called my house phone to talk the same rubbish, and it was so difficult for me to try to end the car. I was not in the mood to 'help' her that evening having a loaded head. Such a pity I do not have the medicine or a cure to her sickness, feeling quite helpless listening to her ramble on and on about her obsession about a man who had made her life miserable. I don't know this person. She explained to me who he is and expect me to 'know' and she needed affirmation, that what she say is true.

...anyway, may she be well and happpy. I honestly have no ability to help her. I don't think by 'lending my ears' is of any use.

While crapping about so many things to do... I'm secretly wishing that I have a pda phone now, to help to remember things. To synch all my calendar.

From puja mtg.. i had to dos...
From bisds mtg... also got to dos...
From ladakh trip... coming back also got to dos...
Friends wedding... also need to dos...

What a life!

Y08Q4 Update

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, with all my past (good) karma *hopefully my past been good* that the pathetic economy won't hit me directly. On the second day of work, there was this email notifying about freezing headcount. At first I felt so lucky and thankful that I already got in *phew, then only they start to freeze headcount. Later when I tell dad about it, again he scared me: "huh, later they counted the heads got extra, they cut you because you joined last..." *choi! choi! touch wood! where got ppl curse me like that wan... *

Then it dawned on me, that I'm still under probation, I'm confirmed YET! *shit!

So now I will try my best to be very useful, and add value to the team. Since without msn & personal email access, I have no choice but to just do office work. I was thinking to upgrade my mobile phone to which has wifi connection, so atleast can msn from the mobile device! Maybe have to consider subscribe to maxis broadband service too... (if stay new house takda internet mati aku)

Actually very hard to slack at work, my teamlead sits directly behind me, she can talk to me directly without raising her voice. The partition for each cubicles lower than that in excompany... every monitor screen I can see is displaying either coding or intranet. Funny facebook is not blocked! Hmm... maybe the chinese dudes manning the web-filter don't play facebook :P doh!

~*~

There's alot of friends wedding coming up... infact somebody in sunsch was teasing me that each time there's an important event organised by the school, it somehow co-incide with my friend's wedding. Which is no lie...

14sep - student trip to FRIM / Melaka friend wedding
1nov - appreciate nite for the school / coursemate wedding in Penang
14dec - staff fellowship trip to jeram besu / highschool friend wedding where I'm photographer

Anyway, I'm glad that I don't have to burn my kuching flight ticket to attend coursemate Magdalene's wedding on 11nov... which clashed with new induction programme. I managed to get HR to switch me for dec, I thought headcount freeze means no more induction programme manatau still got another one in dec! :D *yay

~*~

United!

Will make a quick entry about my new job...

bad :
- no personal email access from office (yahoo mail & gmail is blocked)
- no msn
- no laptop to bring home to abuse
- not as near as excompany
- not in PJ (where I can get mom to pick me up anytime, say go to Uptown...)

....but notice all that kinda superficial level right.

good :
- teamlead is soooo nice & humble! (well maybe its just the first day)
- teamlead has so many soft toys on her desk, its so easy to sweet talk her
- teamlead and teammates actually go to lunch TOGETHER and me & the other new girl are most welcome to join them!
- reminds me of my UPM days where everybody converse in Mandarin... topic of interest 'baby milk' and 'where to find cheapest food' and 'where is my hometown'... so typical! (not forgetting everyone is ever ready with an umbrella)
- they don't talk about work / people during lunch!
- most of them can laugh or know how to laugh!
- nobody gives me the creeps, like saying 'oh you must watch out for so-&-so....'
- infact the manager / ladyboss (ya my karma with female bosses!!) has no issue with time, I can come and go anytime I want, not following the official time, as long as I finish my work!
- nice to know that its OK to leave at 5.45pm sharp ;)
- company have better purchasing power to use more tools / systems for IT work.
- so I get to learn & use the latest version of the Unicenter product (excompany will not wanna upgrade)
- there is no SLA to meet! *wakakakakkakakaa!!!!* (now here's a lubang for me to suggest to them on best practices in IT services... but really its bringing pain to myself, having all the miserable SLA target to meet monthly... its good for the company no doubt... do I wanna put the good of the company before me?)

...well isn't it good enough?

Infact I think the lrt rides, having to switch train & walk abit is good exercise! Or actually, I treat it as opportunity for me to reflect with my time alone, just me and my breathing. Its not easy for me to find this 'time' with just me and my mind, where I have to learn to tame the mind. *wish the air ventilation inside the train was much better, so I don't have to feel no air when trying to breath deeply inside the crowded train*

Let's enjoy and live by the moment. This I've taken home with me from my Ladakh trip, from ven sanghasena.... to live in the present. Worry not of the future, just do your best / stay focus in every present moment.

Ladakh - the land of the extremes!

There's alot of words to describe this magnificent awesome place call Ladakh! But nothing beats showing you pictures, of why I like this place... well there's reasons to make yo wanna think twice about coming back here again.... but one of the few things that I deeply treasure about this trip:-

1. Opportunity to meet Ven Sanghasena & the chance to listen to the very sincere, full of wisdom & compassion, frank but funny Dhamma sharing.

2. The exceptionally warm welcome & hospitality shown by the children! Honestly, on the first day of my arrival at Mahabodhi, listening to the voice of the children singing welcome-song in their own style, and bowing to you, and offering you lovely flowers as you walk pass all the children lining up to greet you endlessly... believe me, my heart sank.

The beauty of Mahabodhi, lies not just on the picture perfect snow-capped moutain view surrounding you... but on the warm smiles of the children, esp the very cute little ones... you just don't know where they get the Metta look from! Maybe they all inherit from their most respected venerable Sanghasena. I have utmost respect for this Theravada-trained monk, who encourage non-sectarian approach, who encourage the order of nuns just as much as for monks, who place education as primary agenda to curb poverty in poor Ladakh for the people.

It's amazing to find out how a visionery monk can truly inspire me. For the whole week when we're in Ladakh, we were being constantantly reminded to 'live here and now'. It was quite easy, to just breath in / out, and not let the mind wander off. I was just being there. I also realised something about 'change' / 'growth' ... and I managed to survive without digital communication for nearly a week! It is indeed possible! When there is no signal.. no sms service... no internet... and the mind is living by the present moment.... I do not have to be slave to my handphone and the computer! The only thing I've not yet learnt to letgo is my digital camera.

I took about 2000 pictures... I had to delete some earlier photos to fit it a few Delhi pictures on my last day in India.

Some of the difficulties that I have to endure at Ladakh:

1. The very cold temperature in the early morning / at night.... so much so I hardly bath. Freezing weather!

2. The mountain view is incredible no doubt, but the bumpy winding journey up the mountain makes me very dizzy, worst when I tried play with my camera while on the move.

3. The milk is really not for me. Though they always humbly serve us milk tea and most flask contain milk instead of hot water. I could not take the smell of their milk! Infact, on the first day in Ladakh, I vomitted. I don't know why I vomitted except that I know I'm embarrassed that I couldn't enjoy their food.

This trip also made me feel so thankful for Malaysian food! Now I love thosai / roticanai with dal & milo drink & nasi-lemak with aromatic sambal even more!

....ven. Sanghasena, you inspire!