Alpha..then Beta...

Actually I'm on my way cooking something out, I guess after putting in enough effort, am sure I can somehow cook up something for the alpha version of the KPI documentation to show boss TOMORROW (my own target), before showing him the beta version this Saturday.

What's my point, given if I were to be working in any of the consulting firm, I'd just have to "apply" the methodogy found in the well-maintained knowledge-base library, actually doesn't sound hard to fit in as analyst/consultant for the big consulting firms. Still, cutoff point for entry into their workforce is so incredibly high, that I dont qualify. If you must know, I'm one of the weaker Chinese-girl in my degree course. (always feel sorry to have to mention the 'race' factor, cos we never compare with other races, just too sad case).

Shhhhh.... I'm resourcing from my ex-company library, its amazing to note what I can find. Now the problem is 'cooking' up the words and applying only those relevent material for my assignment.

Seriously, I have no qualms about joining this 'crazy' new company, being assigned 'crazy' job, without real proper guidance, where by I am my own resource! The more challenging something becomes, the more I want to prove to myself that I could do it / live up to it. Its like I dont know why am I living a crazy life for.

Anyway, as long as I'm learning... that's my idea of how I'll be satisfied with my work / life.

No wonder once aunty Jenny said (the temple aunty who can read your destiny by your birthdate), that I'll forever be "studying". Hmm... i wont disagree, opportunity for learning (in all aspect) is what drives me!

Blah blah... im learning quite some useful stuff at clientsite, mainly with CA's Asset Management. Wow, it's the people here that is the nicest. My good Karma?! I've never seen a bad manager before. (Dont count AC's partners, they're not managers anyway).

I think I better get back to work... yeah 12.30am??! see how long more i can deng... else last minute Friday night will cry man.

CMMI KPI.. sigh..

11am SATURDAY morning, I dragged myself up this morning, feeling like shit, yet have to rush off to Cyberjaya, that's 35 mins drive away from home, having to go through 2 tolls. I am still like a zombie now.

Weekdays are really a blessing! Having to go to work only at Section 13, that's less than 10 mins drive from home without the jam. Some say I could even walk to work! The corporate culture at clientsite during weekdays is not so tensed up, although there's SLA to meet, but basically the project is in stable mode. Besides, fellow teammate, a sweet looking chinese guy who's kinda warm and friendly. Probably a fella who's very willing to help if I have any query. He just join few weeks before me. Oh ya, he walks nearly 1km away to Amcorp for lunch everday, to read the novel he's been following for free at Popular bookstore.

As for me, I walk to the M&M Cafe around the corner, to indulge my lunch in a cozy ambience of soft jazz tunes, nice table cloth with aircon! At about RM4.50 for mixrice, I feel that's really alright for me, who previously based in Putrajaya.

Talking abt SATURDAYS... when I have to drag myself up to "report to work" back at my own employer's office - its really DREADFUL! It's not just "scary"... well MAYBE there is a certain "fear" developed inside me, towards the boss. That's not because of his robot attitude, its the fear of "not living up to the expectation" that is residing inside my body. The mind is very lazy, the heart is calling me to sleep and the body is dragging.

Maybe it's a challenge, obviously it is, trying to cook up with something even Jaya Shanker have no means to save me. Only thank Salim who'd actually clever enough to "show me the way" - atleast, one of the way, to search through an exclusive knowledge-exchange web portal, that only certain people would have access to. Mudzaffar to the rescue!

One of the boss actually wrote in his email asking me to show him 1st draft by tomorrow (that's yesterday, the email arrived Thursday). I pengsan... I dont even he wants to see "first draft" of WHAT?!!! So after clarifying and roughly knowing what he wants, STILL the SOLUTION to his request, requires a hell lot of "information" and probably "experience"!

There would be 3... THREE first draft that I'd to cook up with by next Saturday... I've suggested that he's review my 0.5 version first, before I even call it 1st draft. That means, I have to show him alpha version first, before beta.. whatever.

I'm going to be really zombie now... why is it so hard for me, maybe because I'm not used to this sorta tight schedule and supreme expectation. Esp not for work, where the end doesn't justify the mean.

Can I quit?! Sigh... no I dont think I'm such a loser. Well, actually I cant quit, when under probation, I still have to give 2 months notice period. Like, wtf... You see, beggers dont choose.

Nevermind... I'll give myself 2 years. And hopefully when I'm 30, I could call it a day. You know, kick back relax and enjoy life doing only the things that inspires me to do.

Let's count the hour for now, by 1pm I'll be gone. Sometimes I wonder why American systems are so powerful, and Malaysia is struggling.. that's another story.

My 1st impression to new colleague

You wouldn't believe that I stumbled upon one of my new colleague's blogspot, and surprisingly he used the same 'skin' as my blog! Then as I glance through quickly I saw a post with the title "New Employee" under Thursday, 9 June 2005 -- hey that's my 1st day of work!! haha... here I must paste his remarks about me... memang perasan... but it was SOOOo funny if u read till the end. I virtually LOL & ROFL!!

Here goes >>

New Employee
Today early in the morning, I saw a unfamiliar face lady standing near around the office and seem waiting for someone. I didn't know who are she when the time I and my team members going into our office. After a few minute later, Mr. Lim bring the lady into the office. Then instanly I know that she is the new consultant that Mr. Lim is talking about.

The lady seem quite person, not much talking, may be she haven't get to know us yet. May be time is the thing that we need to get along each other.

From the conversation, I found out that she basically playing the roles of entertaining customers on site. May be that is her job.

Few words for her personnelity, quite talkactive while speacking in "cantonese", not really know how to speak manderin, like to deal with people bcoz won't feel as bored as just sitting in the office and do documentation. Who is elder than me, look quite playful, kind person, look is quite ok, may be need some more treatment (hehehe....), last thing have to keep fit abit :P...

Hope that she didnt found out this blogspot.

Planning for HK Dec'05

You know what keeps me excited? Planning for a trip! Any trip for that matter. Just as I was wondering about what to write about for my blog, its like I am running out of stuff to write, due to total boredom at my new workplace. There is really nothing much to describe about my type of work -- really not worthy of mentioning.

SO HONG KONG it is. With my 2 cousin sisters from Penang. We plan to go in early December, coincide with the x-mas decorations, also to go to DISNEYLAND!!! Can you imagine going to a DIsNEYLANd?!! Actually I cant, because I've grown out of it. The last time I dreamt about going to Disneyland was when I was 12 or 13. Those days I've already started 'planning' about my dream trip to USA.

Then along came education and friends, I dropped of USA from 'Favourite places to go' list, and end up backpacking Europe in Sep'04. That's not the end of all the travels, as I've come to realise how not-so-hard it is to save just about enough to buy air-tickets and book budget hostel online :)

Anyway, back to HK. Its NOT my favourite place to go, but my cousins just ask me to go. Me being the eldest of the pack, I know I'll readily accept the offer, and probably end up steering the plan... my way! (If you didn't already know, its either my way, or byway.. ahem, but I'd make it in such a way, you didn't even realise it).

So, the budget that I'd cooked up with for plan A: AirAsia flight to Macau then take ferry to HK and stay in hostel would cost about RM800++

My friends who'd been to MATTA fair and MAS Travel fair booked their free & easy package to HK for abt about RM1100++ or was it RM1200++. Although I've been invited to join them, I'd rather stick to the hope given to my cousins.

What else can I do in HK?! Hmm... the girls say -- shopping! Nah... doesn't inspire me. Photography?? Nah... its HK... I dont have a good SLR to shoot pretty night skyline. So how am I going to get myself excited for the trip?!!

I guess the whole point of the big deal about travelling (for me), is the 'planning' part, and the reading up about the new city/country/place. Getting familiarised with the map, understanding the language, seeing and believing with my own eyes.

I like the idea of getting lost in a city. haha... just go wherever the taxi driver would take me to (choi, dont think otherwise). Anyway, I'm gonna be with my cousins, one is a scout and one is a headstrong girl, I dont know how I'd cope with my entire trip with them, even now I hardly see nor talk to them in real life. Rest assured, we're understanding people... I hope!

So, leave applied? Not yet. Tickets book? Not yet. Just keeping the faith... alot of faith.

If I was not adaptable...

I wouldn't understand my new boss, MD. The way he talks, the way he walks... just oh my gossh. Already having a strong Chinese-accent in his English, he walks like a robot, shoulders and spine straight, hands swinging side to side, AND need I mention the hair thingy that stuck out from the mole at the chin, that make him looks like a feng-shui master wannabe?!

He is the man with this big vision of driving his small company to international standard. I am overwhelmed by his attitude and ambition. But I also know that if I were more judgemental towards him, I feel like slapping him and say "give yourself a break!". Is it because I was too complacent in my old working culture? The culture here is really different.

Back then in big A, nobody give a damn about what I'm doing, probably due to the fact that I'm just on contract. They do have "career counsellors" but it doesn't really work well within the organisation, but if you keep in touch with the managers, they do 'bring' you along to wherever they get headhunted to. That's what I see. Even now, infact last night, I was flattered that my 1st manager in big A sms me to ask if I've found a job. Of ALL the time, he ask me this question when I've already FOUND a permanent job that I've decided to stick with.

It has gotta do with my versatile or adaptable attitude, that I know I can fit in anywhere. I can speak English with the most British accent bloke, I can revert to Mandarin and talk like a genuine Chinese-ed girl.

Point is, my 1st manager from big A, Jaya is totally cool. He speaks abt mp3 and cars and even investments with his staff. He loves Jazz and oldies. He's a good "consultant", infact so good he got headhunted to another big local company to head the entire Strategy & Development team.

My new boss, MD. He didn't even grad from a university. He speaks of honesty and integrity but he's not entirely "open" to me, saying that field-engineers type of people like me, shouldn't know the "secret" inside the R&D team. So they're all having a 'locked-door' meeting now within the team. And I'm alone here, waiting for strike 1pm before i fly to KLCC to watch Star Wars!

My old working environment is very care-free, nobody care for me, I care for nobody. As and when we chat, we just chat about all sort of crap, even with the management. In fact even with client, our relationship was close. Maybe due to the fact that it was a slow-pace public section culture.

New company does gives me the creep. The way they're so obsessed with the drive and determination to "achieve" it! It's like history in the making... hmmm remember Adolf Hitler?! Haha.. the point is, I want to see "how far" can this discipline-minded Chinese boss can go with his type of philosophy and motivation. I do not know where he comes from, what is his background, and why is he trying to work so hard for the aggresive progression of his company. For the stake-holders who'd given their trust in him?! What is he trying to prove to the world? Is it for himself or for the company that he wants to show?

I know I STILL can stand him, and put up with the way he's pushing me and the entire firm. Even his fellow big technical boss gets direct comments from him, i.e. "when you present something, you must speak clearly, stand in front blah blah blah... "

Many a times, he'd correct the way I talk, even the way I sit on a chair! How my back should be straight, and the words that I should use. DOHHHHHhhhhhh..... If only I could DOHHHHhh him right infront of his face.

Here is a good place for me to observe, the change of environment, the change of attitude, the change for improvements in whatever ways. I still get the exposure of a MNC culture, when I get sent to big-client site for CA support. I.e. I'm sent to CSA-CSC, providing global outsourcing servicing to very big companies. But the culture there is quite laidback, feels like the time when I used to be, kick-back relax and mind my own business.

I will rush for the StarWars movie now. I dont give a shit at the end of day what my new boss ask of me, but up to a certain extend I will produce the result. Yes I can become the next consultant for his up & coming company, but on what price to pay?

The purpose of life, is a life of purpose. That's my point.

My frantic 2 weeks

Firstly, I'm tired. I'm not sure if I'm really tired, but I'm terribly missing the great awesome fun I had last Thu-Sun during the 23rd Incovar camp. Yet, apart from the camp itself, another life changing thing happened, that is on the eve of the camp. I went for final round interview for the "job".

Today was my first day for the "job". Actually my title is Systems Engineer, not Technical Consultant, but the job scope is relatively somewhat like Systems Integrator, Consultant cum Technical Support. Hmm... not too different from my previous job actually.

I told my dad, the only difference is the people! The boss, the colleagues, the clients are different now. Yet, somehow through my tone of voice talking to dad, I got major scolding from mom. All because they started asking me stupid questions and I really couldn't stand giving stupid answers. I know my mom knows why I couldn't talk gently to them, I've already shown dad my entire job offer letter, still he'd ask me stuff that there's no way I could humbly reply him, without raising a decibel of voice.

Is this what they call 1st-day-of-work stress? Hmm... I'm not sure if its stress, but I was surely hoping I could proof to new boss I could achieve what he'd expect of me, yet... I just got really bored today reading and reading about just one thing. If I dont read, I wouldn't know how to do. So what to do, just strive on, work hard, keep on reading and research until I fould the way - and show it to him - this Saturday!

Damn... the idea of working on every Saturdays, no it doesn't scares me. By right, I should be so thankful that I found a new job, miraculously on such a quick note, in fact, I didn't even have to search for it, the job found me!

The camp is so over now, yet still fresh in my mind, just like it was over only yesterday. There is this strong attachment in my heart that I do not want to let go. How nice if life goes on, inside the camp, where I dont have to see it end. Where I dont have to the wake up the next day, knowing I have a job to do, a deadline to meet, a boss to impress, a career path to plan, a client site to go, a system to maintain?! It's like I have to 'watch' myself, so as to not get too 'meijoonised' while dealing with working people.

You know what, I wish that I dont have to push myself so hard, just let it be. Dont try to impress people or work so hard, which might drain out my energy, that I'd like to keep it for myself. You know, clean my room, play with the stupid dog, talk to my problematic cousin, talk gently to my parents, or just sustaining the energy enough to pen a blog.

Sleep is beauty. If you really know what I mean.

I am so looking forward to the next gathering / meeting or whatever with the bunch of 23idc committees, who knows what the post mortem brings. Who knows who's gonna be the next camp chairman. Who knows if I'll remain as a programmer or not. Who knows if I'll get to meet the same people again, or see new faces?!

Suddenly, this song keeps singing in my head...

"Who knows what tomorrow brings.
In a world, few hearts survive.
All I know is the way i feel.
When it's real, I keep it alive.

The road is long, there are mountains in your way.
But we climb a step every day.

Love lift us up where we belong, where the eagles cry.
On a mountain high.
Love lift us up where we belong, far from the world.
We know, up where the clear wind blow.

Some hang on to used to be.
Live their lives, looking behind.

All we have is here and now.
All our life, out there to find.

The road is long, there are mountains in our way,
But we climb them a step ev'ry day.

Love lift us up where we belong, where the eagles cry.
On a mountain high.
Love lift us up where we belong, far from the world.
We know, up where the clear winds blow.

Time goes by, no time to cry, life's you and I.
Alive today.

Love lift us up where we belong, where the eagles cry.
On a mountain high.
Love lift us up where we belong, far from the world.
We know, where the clear winds blow."

~~ Up Where We Be Long ~~

Yeah, well in this past 2 weeks, I went for numerous interviews and even the PTD government test! Who knows if I could pass the test, especially the general paper where I couldn't answer most of the question about Malaysian history. Just 2 days ago, I bid my last farewell to my old boss. Just yesterday, I met up with the Incovar programmers for Chili's and got drown in a romantic comedy on a Wednesday! Just today, I'm gearing myself with new knowledge required of me for my new role.

*sigh... Life. Couldn't even make it a point.

My brother's vanity!

::lol:: sorry people, my brother and his photos cracked me up so much I just need to share it with you :P Incidentally I'd wanted to write about my mother, but end up posting about my brother first!


My bro and his 'ma chai' (I think he's trying to simulate the BSB pose)

My one and only 'yau yeng sai lou' super model pose with his equally vain 'heng dai'.

Posing with the coconut trees.

These hilarious shots, I've only seen my brother doing that. Now you see why my family is crazy!! haha.