How to "have compassion"?

This is what sayang said to me "have compassion" (referring to his parents, as he couldn't choose his father nor his mother for that matter).

I'm not sure if he is indeed having compassion himself towards me. I'm not sure if you can "ask" compassion to be given, if it was that easy, I could just open my wallet and nah - compassion!

As the saying goes - life is always a 'choice'. What option do I want to undertake? I guess at end of the day, my root issue with my self, is as i've let 'chance' to determine my path, and not able to break free to make conscious decision everyday, to be happy! To feel free!

Ok... maybe i should start creating a list... what truly makes me happy, and what I think I really want ::

1. Sit for the Citrix Certified Administrator (CCA) which by now is already a legacy cert, but company has sent me for training, I must make sure I sit for the exam, pass, and get certified! Target July 14th.

2. Play building blocks or read more books together with my son! Inspire my son to learn and encourage him to be good boy ( not just one who likes to manja his grandma only ).

3. Get motivated at work, learn the art of people-management, impress my bosses, get a good raise, or just add value to my career... so that when I really aspire to jump ship, I can land myself with a damn good company, with good benefits, and have a successful career ( that comes with moderate work life balance ).

4. It would be a nice wish, but I know I can't change other people - I wish my sayang would change for me. Sounds impossible eh? Yes I knew it... I just haven't sink in that fact.... maybe perhaps possibly?! Ahhh... but its such a magical wish ain't it? I wish like how the fairy tale weddings are like, where the man would say "yes" to anything the wife say / ask. Like when I say I wanna go Penang book this hotel, you say "yes dear" not "its too expensive we can stay at another place"... so anti-climax! Or when I so syiok sendiri plan for holiday for myself and the family to get away, you want to bring your father along (although I didn't plan to fit him in). Did your brother fit your father in when he plan for his family outing?

5. Go swimming.... like for real! I've gone swimming by myself since giving birth to my son... last I went to pool to paddle in the deep pool is when I was pregnant with Ariya.... oh i really miss swimming the breaststroke.

6. Go shopping! Ooohhh retail therapy... is. so. fun! Wish I'm not that broke, have no money worries, and just spend! I like shopping and buying things as gifts for people! For grandma birthday.. for friends' baby birthday... for christmas present... for myself... for my mil or my parents... ahhhhh...

7. Find  Meet my spiritual master or shifu, in my quest for liberation. Ajahn Brahm? Thubten Chodron? Ven. Amaranatho? Ven. Sing Kan? I. want. to. break. free!

Freedom alas I shall taste... when hunger no more in the haste... may my mind be free from chase... may my life and time not go to waste! 

My parents vs my pil

The difference btwn growing up with my parents vs growing up with my hubby’s parents.

My dad will not interfere I shouldn’t buy for my boy.

My fil told me next time don’t buy xxx because yyy.

My parents are fine with having baby girl, not necessary must have boy.

My fil would always prefer having baby boy, and better still if 1^st and 2^nd child are boys.

My parents will always have a daughter to always care and think about them, and always discuss things with them.

My in-laws and their sons doesn’t reveal everything to each other, got things to hide.

My parents will openly ask me and my bro for money if they need money.

My in-laws don’t share info about money.

My parents own quite a big house, and my bro and his family can live together with my parents for a really long time.

My in-laws own a very small house, and they’ve now moved in to 2^nd/youngest son house which is quite small, no plan to talk about where they’ll live in their later years.

My mom will never claim that she is good cook nor proclaim to people she can x or y very well.

My mil will happily let everybody know she’s great cook in x-dish and always invite everyone to come to eat.

On the similar note…

My parents never people tell people how good their own children are (they know it in their hearts).

My pil will not be shy to let people know how good their 2 sons are.

Honestly I know I’m struggling mentally and emotionally to cope with living together in the same house with worlds-apart pil.

I can see that my brother’s wife is having an easier life living with my parents, she can shoot my dad just like how I can shoot my dad.

With my in-laws, I can’t shoot. All I can do is keep quiet on anything that I don’t like. And just continue to keep bottling up.

My mom can sense it when her dil is unhappy, my mom can adjust accordingly.

My mil doesn’t seems to sense it that I’m unhappy about certain things, and will continue to do her way.

And I can’t really get my husband side me, he is a strange species, who has zero ‘N’ (in MBTI).

When I got married, I certainly didn’t anticipate what life would be living together (now seems permanent) with my in-laws. Maybe it could work out well for some of people, but for me, the meijoon-ised person that I am – find it really NOT what I’m game for.

If only I could turn back time, to pre-delivery of my baby, that I be firm on my plan for babysitter instead of mil moving in.

But I know its for the best for my baby, to grow up with having overwhelming grand-parental love.

Or is it really THAT good for my child? To be overwhelmed from young, to be over loved from birth, to be treated like a prince or emperor of the universe, and to be able to get away with anything just by crying?!

34 weeks & 3 days

Today i'm 34 weeks & 3 days and according to my 'im expecting' app on my adroid, i left 39 days to go to D-day.

I overheard my friend discussing about purchasing a piano and how expensive it is. Then I thought about how I wish my child would have the chance to learn to play the piano! ;)

But before that I also wished our son can have opportunity to learn martial art like Chinese kungfu! ;) So if given only 1 choice, should I send the our child for wushu class or piano class? But piano class would surely be very costly, as a even a 2nd hand piano would exceed RM10K?!

Ahh.. no need to think so far. Just wish for smooth easy natural birthing process come late Nov / early Dec. Sadhu!

Om Mani Padme Hung!

My update thus far...

Actually who needs a blog for update when there's facebook?!
Well here's some points to note:
- i've not got my wedding photo album printed
- i've yet to compile articles for the sun sch newsletter target to be out during Wesak
- i've got photos inside my laptop but havent publish it on facebook!
- i'm getting more involved in my systems support work, that i can feel "tired" now, just like how my fellow male cllg would usually complain abt, after having to standby for 24/7 support for the whole month.
- i'm supposed to be successful with my work life (based on my birthdate calculation dohh!)
- i'm pretty screwed with trying to SHS
- i have put in effort not retaliate / argue with my sayang, although i think he doesn't answer my questions comprehensively
- i wish my investment in pound sterling will be a good choice (since i joined the gang not to invest in UT but in currency!)
- i wish i can take sharper & better pictures!
- some of my friends have given birth to babies this year so far : leeleng (girl), yeeting (girl), shireen (girl), aichin (girl), jinsong (boy)... and still in the tummy got szeying..
- looking forward to weddings : muihan & weesim in June, pevin & ernhuei in June, aaron & jo in Nov.
- looking forward to WBC with TNH the star in Sep.
- looking forward to any bugz members to start have their own offspring!
- hope that sayang will get his avanza soon!!
- enjoy learning how to cook with my new oven & new kitchen :)
- have enough wisdom & motivation to serve the better good of the people/community
- have enough savings to go on holidays!!! :D

ohhh i miss my tranquil, warm and care-free trip to Bali!!!

Aspire to think Big!

Wow.. look at the market. This is just one of the graph for one of the client, for a local balance-income fund (not aggresive). I was telling my upline if only I sold off the units before 2008 then can get 30%!
But she said "we can never Time la!". That's the theory that I learn, which I mostly agree about investment, which is to go for long-term investment and using dollar-cost-averaging to help me keep sane with the yoyo market.

I'm honestly not cash rich enough and not ecomonically sound enough to risk in the volatile stock market. I also don't know how to buy-sell properties like Robert Kiyosaki. So what I do is keep RM200 aside everymonth into a fund with one-goal in mind, make the money grow until when I'm old!

I must always remember why I must do long-term investment -- retire at 55 & my epf balance by then will not be enough if I were to live until 70 years old. Factor in my suka travelling + many hobbies... havent even talk about charity! Imagine if I can become a tai-tai with alot of cash to do alot of Dana anytime! :P Like in future, when INCOVAR think about asking for sponsor, they think about 'auntie quek'!

Hmm.. do I dare to think big? Well maybe just a little bigger than my current small contented brain? I'm just sooooooooooooooo complacent, I don't seem to set smart financial targets for myself... why not?! Wouldn't you really want to bring your mom and munyee+his mom to Europe holiday together? Wouldn't it be cool to have just a little bit more in your asset, so that you don't have to argue with your dad about petty household expenditure? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to give your parents more than what they're asking for? C'mon MJ -- I need a little push here -- you aspire to think BIG!

...not for you to read, for my own record.

Here I would like to list down the price of my trip to Jogja-Borobudor. For my own record la, since I don't remember things easily. The figure roundup.

MAS (bought with MAS fare price) :: RM550
BMC Travel Package (include hotel & food) :: RM955
Generous Tips for Tourguide / Driver :: RM110
Travel Insurance :: RM43
Airport Tax :: RM36
Meals ::
~RM23 for nice fancy aircon dinner (me & mom)
~RM6 for a KFC set without rice but fries
~RM5 for 1/4 dozen of J.Co
~RM17 for a roadside meal (me, mom & junie)
~RM5 for 2 drinks inside the mall
Shopping ::
CreditCard
~ RM60 for a goggle, dress, sarong, scarf, windchime, postcards.
Cash
~ RM18 for a batik dress
~ RM48 for 3 batik men shirt + 1 batik blouse
~ RM3.6 for 12 cheap keychains
~ RM15 for 1 batik skirt + 1 pant
~ RM25 for a kimono
~ RM24 for 6 souvenir tshirts
~ RM7 for 1 batik flipflop
~ RM3.6 for becak ride
~ RM4.4 for ginger sweets
~ RM10 for bakpia

Misc for my mom i think, can't remember, my mom don't hold any Rupiah with her...

So grand total ~ RM1970++ just for me alone.

Then I covered for my mom's airport tax, travel insurance... so spent ~ RM2050!

For splurging on this amount, I need about consistent saving for atleast 4-5 months. Haiya... when can I save up for the Speedlite and another HongKong/Macau trip?

Yeah... I booked return flight to Macau to join sayang to HK for 31Aug-4Sep. Maybe I can try to check if HK do sell the Canon accessory cheaper? :P Anticipate another RM2k gone for HK + Speedlite.

The house?! Fuiyo.... mo gan tai.