Setting the record straight

To all the people who'd not seen me for a while, and suddenly found out I have double eye lid, who thought that my eye is swollen or I went for eye surgery... for the record, I didn't do anything. All I can think of is straining the eye infront of the monitor for too long AND 'age' is catching up! :D

Fairly odd enough my dad and my aunt only began to have double eyelid at much later years of their life, but I'm experiencing the 'aging' sign much sooner, that's all. Then my bro start introducing his anti-aging products and my mom reminding me of not staring at the monitor so late into the night.

It's weird, I didn't rub it... just one day, out of no where, when I woke up, blink-blink, and the double eyelid wont disappear. So who cares, not like I'm gonna stare at the mirror longer.

Ok, now what's the other record?! Oh ya.. Malay Mail Weekender sucks! The frontpage so-called 'news' this weekend was a total disaster. Why would there be a government body / authority playing spy or God, monitoring bloggers in our country?! The Internet is THE space on earth where anybody and everybody can & should be able to speak, for all their wishes, to all their hearts' content. For better or for worse, it's the ONLY place, where there's no cencership board, no editor, no fear - where we call it in English - freedom of speech (sarcasm intended: *where with great freedom comes with great responsibility*).

Of course, this blog is not for over-sensitive serious issue, so I'll just throw in my towel & ignore that I'd even came across a silly newspaper like that one you know what I'm talking about.

For the record, am I really that serious / cold a person when it comes to dealing with platonic friends or people that I dont really care about? Come to think of it, yeah maybe I am so strangely repulsive!! (*not sure if I used the right word, just googled the word, am trying to find the antonym to the word 'flirtatious'*). Psychologically / emotionally, I dont have a problem with myself, but matter of factly, I just observed that I might get that tingling /irritated feeling when I see people at work flirting with the opposite sex outwardly.

My dad admited that even he flirts with almost everybody at work, just for fun as he thinks he's a casual funny fellow and there's nothing wrong about it. Alright, so it is nothing wrong even to my rational mind, but I'm still keeping my record straight -- that I cannot bring myself to flirt with guys at work or make jokes with 'certain' people. *certain here refers to people who ask me useless / boring questions*. Not sure if this record can (or should be) be broken, not sure if I want to try to break it, knowing it would do me no harm & have the positive effect of making many people happier (in dealing with me).

Ok.. why not just finish this off before I hit to bed. Well basically I'm done talking, my crap is not gonna change anything about me anyway. For the record, atleast I'm truly thankful for all the people I know, who'd (or tried) put up with me through the years and accepting the whole part of me, as being me, non-negotiably naturally. *yawn.. sounds a tad egoistic eh?*

Want some work-life update?

Isn't it boring to talk about your work life?! I used to tell people I 'switch off' my work-brain after I leave the office. So when my pharmacist friend would talk about how tired she is after a long day of standing... I just dont know what to talk about.

It's alot and alot of bullshit that I'm sucking in. I just wonder how / why our Malaysian counterpart do not articulate crap as good as the foreigners.

In my one and only dinner ever with some of the bosses, basically its just the Australian turned Malaysian, vs the Malaysian turned Australian yakking nonstop. The rest just listen and smile and listen and giggle. Is it the slang?! No i can catch all of what they're saying very clearly. But being the youngest small fry, I guess I wouldn't talk more than what my teamlead / malaysian bosses would talk.

Ever seen in the Buddhist community front, when a foreigner-monk / foreigner speaker were to give a talk, people just come in from everywhere all over, just to listen to them talk.

What am I missing here... is it because of the powerful slang / English accent, that command the powerful attention listeners provide to the speaker?! Then shouldnt English-speaking people, speak with more assertion and confidence and poise, irregardless of what race we are?

Then I'm thinking, what if people are Chinese-speaking. Do we give undivided attention to Chinese-speaking speaker? Yeah.. maybe if I'd a chance to listen to one speaker who speak Mandarin with power, confidence, poise. The Mandarin that we speak locally - sucks.

So, help me get it... isit the confidence that gives you strenght to articulate really well, or because of your strenght in articulation that gives you confidence?!

I'm somewhat thankful that I'm able to speak English properly with a foreigner, meanwhile I can understand fully well what mainland China people are talking about. Except when they get too technical, eg. maybe the 'ying pan' is having problem. Gosh what's Ying Pan!??! When the China onsite replied "40GB", I was still blur -- I thought "ying = hard", so the hardware is having problem and somehow 40GB is a cause of problem. Doh.. "ying pan" is hard..alright... harddisk!

Yay.. I'll always remember that...

I'll also remember the faces of the sly SG bosses tat I finally get to meet this week. Been stabbing our backs all these while and finally we get to meet face to face. Oh how pretentious! Even a smile couldn't be more crooked... Malaysian bosses are blunt, straight face-shooting but not so pretentious as them man. Ever heard of your boss telling you "I slap you then you know!"

Get this, from the HR Mgr's secretary raising her voice across the common area in Canto "have you finish what I asked you to do?... what? you have not? What did I tell you yday? Do you know what is more important?? How dare you not complete it yet... "

That's a shouting from the secretary sitting behind me, at the girl sitting diagonally infront of me.. across a few cubicles. It's very lame... I wonder if someday when I have just slightly abit more power, will I go shoot at people like they're not human.

Well even the dog I dont shout at. Talk work-life?!

Better watch my fotopages over and over again... :D haha..

Syiok sendiri with my own photos..

Wait a minute, I'm trying to keep my blog private and not publish my own pic nor spell out my name here... see I almost forgot.

Oh anyway, I wanted to shout out to the world about this pictures that I went to developed into 8R printout. There were many more 4R pictures developed, but when I finally saw this picture with my own eyes, live and touching it with my own hands -- *aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I quickly find a soul in my house to pour out my hyperventilation, dad goes "what you saw a rat?" "No I saw my own picture in the flesh! See I'm touching it!! Gosshhh!!!"

Lol... so proudly I waved the 8R postcard-like photo around, quickly ran to my uncle's house next door to showoff. Haha.. I'm crazy! Didn't know how much a beautiful picture means to me. I could be so overwhelmed by a photograph! Wow...

Ok finish broadcasting?! Hmm... well, here's somemore manipulated pictures. Well I didn't have the proper tools to make edit further, you know the 'yellow-robed-monk sitting by the grey wall', where I just want to show the yellow colour but the rest in greyscale. I could use photoshop?! But that's uninstalled from my laptop.

Ahhh... 'sampat'ness is bliss.

About taking photos of pitiful people

First time, I heard it from my Ac xcllg-carpool friend, when we were on the road to work, there was an accident, there's a dead body lying on the road covered with newspaper and the ambulance / police have not arrived. So I said 'if only i have a camera with me now, to shoot the scene', then came the respond from my friend 'I dont know why, I wouldn't take a picture of other ppl's suffering'.

Hmm.. I just wonder in my mind, is it becos its 'pantang'? Well usually I'll bring my camera along even during funerals, and I've always wondered if its ok for me to snap picture of the dead person.

Anyway, so on second occasion, somebody commented about my pictures that I took of the poor little kids in Cambodia. He said he doesn't have the heart to snap picture of these pitiful people, to explain his point he asked me to imagine if I'm in their 'cham' state will I want other ppl to snap picture of me?

Hmm.. that's not hard to answer -- I just dont pity them / feel awkward when I look at the Cambodia kids. Then I wonder if I'm heartless or if my heart is made of stone. If I'm a photographer / reporter, I should be taking more of the pictures that depict the poverty / realities of life for the whole world to see, for enlightenment / sharing / education / awareness purposes.

See, some friends have visited my photoblog and were touched by the people-pictures I took. Frankly speaking, I didn't know why does it look heart-warming. But I'll take it as a compliment.

When I'm taking pictures, (in the case of Cambodia kids), I'm really seeing simplicity of life. I went thru the last INCOVAR camp learning about appreciating the simple things in life and be happy simply... also remember what Lama Samten shared during his interview, when he advised youung people to explore the world outside, to see how other parts of the world live.

I agree with my dad, when he said, although the poor people may look poor in the outlook, but they are rich in other ways. *totally! my dad rocks!* The little kids that I saw in Cambodia, they were smiling, and playing with sands and stones with their siblings / neighbours / friends. When you were a child, would you be happy playing only with sand and stones under the hot sun?! I believe the kids that we know in Malaysia, are playing with video games or barbie dolls, but are these so-called better off kids really happy?

When I walk passed most really young kids in Cambodia, by the roadside, they'd innocently smile & wave back at me, knowing that my camera is pointing at them. Sometimes, I miss the shot, cos I was moving.

Ok, I do feel terribly odd, when I went for a full body massage. Cos I really think I dont need a massage, esp by another girl who's almost same age as me, and it cost alot to me. (my mom dragged me into it, k). I feel that I could use the same amount of money to donate to all the poor kids. Of course, thinking from another point, the massage lady must have a family to feed too.

Seriously, if I'm born very poor, thankfully with the Dhamma and family values that I'm brainwashed with, I know I'll STILL be positive / happy / grateful. Being born poor, gives us the opportunity to understand and appreciate the simple value of life's great lessons. Family bonding becomes much stronger, and maybe a poor person's spirit / motivation in life is bigger. I know most poor people strive very hard to be rich, but the born-rich people do not have a reason to work so hard ;P

HAha... gong lei gong hoi, ngo gong sai. Maybe I'm one of them, you know one of the carefree people that dont mind playing with sand and stones under the hot sun, that's why I dont see these people as pitiful! *will always remember losing tictactoe played on sand, to a bunch of Vietnamese kids, urrrggghhh!*

(Ok, I admit that have a big problem with not washing my hands before I eat, cos I'm afraid of worms that could go inside my stomach!)

The Great Camp

This 25th edition of the IDC was one of the most high-powered, higly spirited and energetic camp! I've never heard so many variety of cheers, where participants cheered so loudly for just about any tom dick and harry! There's INCOVAR clap, lengchai clap, lenglui clap.. even clap for bapa.. baby.. etc. I.gemz must be so blown away by all the participants warm hearts! (reh-ching)

There were some moment were I had to hold back my tears, like watching a heartwarming movie, I'll cry like shit without being able to control the tears. Camp specific moments, eg. when all the participants choreograph and came together to present the meaningful song 'My Beautiful Friend' with hand gesture. My digicam was rolling, and it must be less touching viewing it from the tiny lcd compared to experiencing the euphoria... just shift focus on camera rolling instead of get carried away and shed tear :P

Personally, what was most memorable to me, was the moment Nop said the first few words after analysing my signature. It was just Nop, Jic and me there... and I almost cried. Maybe its the way he explained it in the most plain simple slanged English. It's the shielded me, who I am inside. Nobody could see that, but he could see that from my signature! Oh my gawd.. My signature is reflective of my dad's signature, signing initial+surname, but mine was going upward and I sign very fast.

Besides asking me to slow down, he gave a very logical advice, that is for me to associate myself with more senior people, rather than mixing with people younger than me, if not I wouldn't know how to grow up. I mean all my life, I got no elder cousins / siblings to look up to, I'm always the eldest. Even among schoolmates, since I got stranded in remove class, majority of 'em were a year younger. Looking at the stroke of character 'M' ... its very prominent, but its overpowered by the bigger 'J' which is not me. He said I am represented by M not J, so in order for me be able to have control over other people, I should downplay J. Infact, its even ok to sign the J in small letter, which makes the stroke of my signature so much smoother ;)

When I was learning how to sign, I really wonder how to join the end stroke of 'M' with the start stroke of capital 'J'. Big M with small j is much easier, that would make me a better leader it seems ;) I'm not sure he said anything about my potential to lead, but he knows I'm ambitious due to my upward style, not aligned to a horizontal line -- WHICH is no good for me! URrrrssggghhh.. He said I signed too fast, meaning probably I dont slow down in my life adding with being ambitious - is not good for who I am. I will get cheated very easily if I invest in a business with a partner.

He proved himself correct by lying to me during the conversation -- Argentina beat Germany in penalty shootout. There I was happily grinning... the next thing I know the kitchen dudes where shooting at me for announcing the wrong info. I went back to ask PNop why he'd lie to me, he laughed and said "that's why you need to change your signature!"

Gosh.. I wanna bang my head.

The fact that I'm too kind (I guess he was trying to use the word 'innocent' / 'naive') will make me stagnant in my growth. I let people take advantage of me, and other people will grow, but not me. People just take and take.. and then I get hurt. Each time he say that I wanted to cry. It's the exact thing that happen in my life with people. I was even 'warn' by average people for not being too kind, which I boldly defended cos I do not agree with not-helping-people-when-u-can.

PNop was saying, I must 'understand' the nature of people, the nature of life. Not everybody is like me. Only when I KNOW / UNDERSTAND that people are trying to take advantage of me, then its up to me if I'd continue helping these people. For a moment, I realised that if I know I'm helping somebody that is not worthy of my help, then I wouldn't feel at all hurt if I got 'cheated' anyway.

Oh yes, on this note, I'd like to link back what PNop said, with what my vocal teacher said about me and =t=. She too was told by PNop by being not behaving her age, havent grown up... PNop saw that through our signature... our vocal teacher knew it from our upper body, aka the length of the vocal chord. The longer it is, the more mature a person / growth of person is. Vocal teacher said I have 10 more years to 'grow up' (in everyway).

It's not too doh... I agree with them. Atleast PNop has a solution to growing up, which is the first change my signature, and also to mix with older people. Dont expect my vocal chord to just expand or expect my body to grow longer like that!

So back to the camp, I'm very flattered in many ways, eg. when sister YaYing the temple caretaker & the nun were very friendly / supportive of all our request, there was no complain about us staying very late. wow... its amazing when you meet 'understanding' people that doesn't scream at you for breaking the rules ;)

I have a very lenglui guardian angel who gave me lotsa chewing gum to eat, and at the end she gave me a stone she got from india!

I had my signature read for free! (Gosh, PNop was saying he charge RM100 for each signature consultancy, and Rm1000 for house-fengshui consultancy. And there I was innocently bringing all you guys to let PNop read ur signature for free too, without even asking him in advance first!)

I had aircon to sleep with, plus nice blanket ;) -- friend I live in a very hot house --

I syiok sendiri by having fun with some crazy participants... you just dont know how gone case these young energetic lot are! Try talking to Eric, or maybe Kok sing, or even Teh.. dun even remind me of Michael... forget about Mike. Eeewww!

Totally cowabangga... It's a superb location for a camp, for me. I know how guys dont dig this place, but I just like this temple alot!

WAIT! Did I left out talking about the group cheers?!??!

"Joon, Joon, Joon......." (think MI theme). I laughed so hard, I could burst. The leader of that group, I dont even know his name, he's so funny. When they were lining up in boy - girl line, I just went up to him and ask "boy one line, girl one line?" he replied -- what do I look like to you?!

I went to facilitate this group sharing for SingSing group, the group members were just so unbelievable! Incidently, they're united at heart, all very 'holy'... they all have joy & Metta inside. I think even if the organisers were to do a poor job on purpose, these group of people will still enjoy themselves.

I guess this camp is gonna be more memorable, all because of the people who came together under one roof. Its like a Karmic pull factor that brought all these special breed of people together, coming under one INCOVAR roof.