What is the battle at Helm's Deep that I should anticipate? What is Saruman's army trying to fight for? What is the significance of the Ring that I should defend until victory triumph?
There is quite possibly nothing left, not a spark when I enter the compound. Not a resonant of spirituality. Not even a simple smile could light up the surrounding.
Only sweet thing to note were the new Burmese workers who couldn't speak English, but trying to respond to me in their native language, I have no idea what they were saying. At one point, one of the worker brought a ladder for me to climb, how unexpected! It's always sweet when you receive a token of help when you least expected it. So they gracefully moved the chairs as instructed for the big day.
The story of Gandalf vs Saruman only I know. So far I've checked and not many people are aware of who is Gandalf, and not knowing her power she has. Many would have guessed who Saruman is, but nobody has the power to change him. Is there a need to change anything not within my control?
Gandalf strucked me when she asked if I'd dare to write my story in the open? Then I recounted the strategy of writing publicly, it comes with a responsibility I may not be strong enough to bear. Who am I to write about what I think / feel that would indefinitely cause an outrage I dare not comprehend?
Gandalf speaks in a language that I can only adapt bit by bit, she doesn't speak in complete sentences. By the time I could fully understand her well-meaning wisdom-inspired advice, I would have known how to deal with Saruman with his army.
By the truth of these words, may joyous victory be mine!
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
To learn to judge people?
Last Friday I met with Gandalf in my temple. The purpose was to put up the poster in my temple, but I was afraid of Saruman who was sitting near the office desk. Probably he'll grab my poster away? Shudder to think... :{
Actually this is my 2nd time writing for this post, the 1st effort was totally wasted, when hunger striked this laptop.
I'm trying really hard to recall, the point I wanted to make clear. To judge or not to judge? That is the question! I'm being described by Gandalf as a very naive person who do not know how to judge between a good person and bad person. I've also been ridiculed by friends for being "too kind" (you know when you mix with non-Buddhist friends). And I remembered how I was quite turned off by a friend who pointed out to me "not everyone you see, you think is good, people like you can be easily be taken advantage off". I really dislike that girl that's why I felt the shiver when she articulated stuff that I disagree with.
Yes, by "default" I have a perception of all human as "good". It's not even neutral. Every child that is delivered by every mother, I reckon the baby is born to be good. It is human nature to be good. Somehow or rather, things happen, Karma or chemistry or physic reacted, that human may have bad thoughts. Even the truth says all beings are rooted by Greed, Hatred and Delusion, yet I still have this "perception" that all humans by "default" are good people.
So, that is why I probably have had arguments with friends who always judge me / other people (I really cannot take it), or why I cannot understand why people have to play judge. I always advocate to my physically-challenged friend to not allow other people to judge him, and I expect of him to treat me the same way I treat him.
Now I see why another friend can really piss me off, because he believe its a joke to him if I said I dont judge people or if any human is non-judgemental. This brings back to what Gandalf had advised me, to learn to judge people. You can say I'm basically too "chinchai" or too apathetic, or in a positive note practising equanimity (Upekkha), which leads me to be non-judgemental towards people. But this is making me clueless about judging people! It makes me vulnerable towards liars, cheaters, or bad people who'd make use of me.
I have 2 points to make.
If I have learnt to judge people, would that cost me to lose my non-judgemental nature, which I view as a positive value in me? What if I made a wrong judgement? There could be ulterior motives for a deception. People are not who they think they are, possibility. I give people a huge gap of anomoly for change. Even if I know myself, I am not who I am today, that I was yesterday or would be tomorrow. Does this point makes you think I am still too arrogant to submit myself to societal tendency to judge?
OR
If I have to learn how to judge people, does that really mean that I'm ignorant of judging or that I chose not to judge? ;P sei mei.. Does Gandalf really think she knows me so well, that I'm soo 'innocent', to the extend of potentially get conned by people? Point is, if I do not even care if people are good or bad, yet I just associate with or help people, irregardless of their intentions, would that make me ignorant? The problem is, I didn't even lift the brain cell to 'think' for a moment if a person is good or bad, that actually makes me LAZY eh?! I would probably have done things differently, if I've had digested an intention, analysed people's behaviour or ulterior motives. *pheew... do I have so much brain capacity to analyze people?
The story of Gandalf vs Saruman is just but a story... atleastI'm glad to hear from Gandalf that because of my good Karma, I've been blessed and never really got cheated, although I am such a sucker ;) ... i truly am *LOL*
(you dont really wanna know how naive I was in school, where I tried to be friend with a 1st-class liar, when everybody were backstabbing her, I was still "being her friend", cos of my default thinking... doh).
Actually this is my 2nd time writing for this post, the 1st effort was totally wasted, when hunger striked this laptop.
I'm trying really hard to recall, the point I wanted to make clear. To judge or not to judge? That is the question! I'm being described by Gandalf as a very naive person who do not know how to judge between a good person and bad person. I've also been ridiculed by friends for being "too kind" (you know when you mix with non-Buddhist friends). And I remembered how I was quite turned off by a friend who pointed out to me "not everyone you see, you think is good, people like you can be easily be taken advantage off". I really dislike that girl that's why I felt the shiver when she articulated stuff that I disagree with.
Yes, by "default" I have a perception of all human as "good". It's not even neutral. Every child that is delivered by every mother, I reckon the baby is born to be good. It is human nature to be good. Somehow or rather, things happen, Karma or chemistry or physic reacted, that human may have bad thoughts. Even the truth says all beings are rooted by Greed, Hatred and Delusion, yet I still have this "perception" that all humans by "default" are good people.
So, that is why I probably have had arguments with friends who always judge me / other people (I really cannot take it), or why I cannot understand why people have to play judge. I always advocate to my physically-challenged friend to not allow other people to judge him, and I expect of him to treat me the same way I treat him.
Now I see why another friend can really piss me off, because he believe its a joke to him if I said I dont judge people or if any human is non-judgemental. This brings back to what Gandalf had advised me, to learn to judge people. You can say I'm basically too "chinchai" or too apathetic, or in a positive note practising equanimity (Upekkha), which leads me to be non-judgemental towards people. But this is making me clueless about judging people! It makes me vulnerable towards liars, cheaters, or bad people who'd make use of me.
I have 2 points to make.
If I have learnt to judge people, would that cost me to lose my non-judgemental nature, which I view as a positive value in me? What if I made a wrong judgement? There could be ulterior motives for a deception. People are not who they think they are, possibility. I give people a huge gap of anomoly for change. Even if I know myself, I am not who I am today, that I was yesterday or would be tomorrow. Does this point makes you think I am still too arrogant to submit myself to societal tendency to judge?
OR
If I have to learn how to judge people, does that really mean that I'm ignorant of judging or that I chose not to judge? ;P sei mei.. Does Gandalf really think she knows me so well, that I'm soo 'innocent', to the extend of potentially get conned by people? Point is, if I do not even care if people are good or bad, yet I just associate with or help people, irregardless of their intentions, would that make me ignorant? The problem is, I didn't even lift the brain cell to 'think' for a moment if a person is good or bad, that actually makes me LAZY eh?! I would probably have done things differently, if I've had digested an intention, analysed people's behaviour or ulterior motives. *pheew... do I have so much brain capacity to analyze people?
The story of Gandalf vs Saruman is just but a story... atleastI'm glad to hear from Gandalf that because of my good Karma, I've been blessed and never really got cheated, although I am such a sucker ;) ... i truly am *LOL*
(you dont really wanna know how naive I was in school, where I tried to be friend with a 1st-class liar, when everybody were backstabbing her, I was still "being her friend", cos of my default thinking... doh).
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Hai.. crapping on..
So the last day of vocal class was last Monday, brought my digital camera along, thought it was last day, but it was not. Nonetheless took 'video' of us 'performing' broadway "Hello Dolly" and "Blue Moon".
It was just oh-my-gggggodd... becos I'm just so not used to expressing myself that way. Still I have the advantage over some others, due to my impulsive behaviour, I just 'act' it away. If only I have as much confidence as Kimberly, she just moves freely like what's there to hide!
On my speaking and singing part, my biggest 'lesson' to remember is to NOT move my head an inch. Just imagine, me trying to hold my head still, and dont move it when I talk to people. Haha... takes alot of mindfulness, which is part of my aim in life. Yay...
Most things just fall into place naturally. Like my quest for a new job with this client company. Actually, why not I just let things evolve by itself. As much as I dislike working for my employer on what cmmi or itil documentation... just read in another blog, in all problems faced lies opportunity :P That's like age-old saying, yet am I mindful enough to see that?
I'm taking each step of the way, steadily not wishing nor hoping nor thinking too far. I've not even done my Visa to visit Shenzhen China. I've not even booked the Disneyland tickets, though my cousin is constantly reminding me. I'm probably more worried that the foreign participants are not coming for the coming camp! *Phew.. that reminds me, I got some mail to post out, and addresses to get. And suddenly remember that I got things not one!!
Aikkss... if a reminder system is embedded inside my head.
It was just oh-my-gggggodd... becos I'm just so not used to expressing myself that way. Still I have the advantage over some others, due to my impulsive behaviour, I just 'act' it away. If only I have as much confidence as Kimberly, she just moves freely like what's there to hide!
On my speaking and singing part, my biggest 'lesson' to remember is to NOT move my head an inch. Just imagine, me trying to hold my head still, and dont move it when I talk to people. Haha... takes alot of mindfulness, which is part of my aim in life. Yay...
Most things just fall into place naturally. Like my quest for a new job with this client company. Actually, why not I just let things evolve by itself. As much as I dislike working for my employer on what cmmi or itil documentation... just read in another blog, in all problems faced lies opportunity :P That's like age-old saying, yet am I mindful enough to see that?
I'm taking each step of the way, steadily not wishing nor hoping nor thinking too far. I've not even done my Visa to visit Shenzhen China. I've not even booked the Disneyland tickets, though my cousin is constantly reminding me. I'm probably more worried that the foreign participants are not coming for the coming camp! *Phew.. that reminds me, I got some mail to post out, and addresses to get. And suddenly remember that I got things not one!!
Aikkss... if a reminder system is embedded inside my head.
Brush teeth in office?!
*Phuiiyoh... this is first time I see, going to toilet and seeing a lady taking out her toothpaste and toothbrush to brush teeth after lunch hour!
Maybe only sampat girl like me think it's so big deal... kekeke.
Maybe only sampat girl like me think it's so big deal... kekeke.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Blah blah..
Wah.. nothing better to write than blah blah blah... actually i dun remember what I want to write now...
what im hearing now is noisy pollution in the office air, coming indefinitely from server team. The team that I'm more suited to be in based on my skill set, but here I am in rs - remote services team, which is the most 'quiet' team. Not like it is a problem, as you know when I'm faced with DMS, I could gradually blow... what due to NOISE? Nah... its just annoying! They speak so loudly to each other although they're hidden under the cubicles. All the calls they make to users, the leave it on speaker phone, so the whole world can hear their cranky conversations.
Blah blah blah... so last Sunday I stayed back late in Sun School trying to finish off whatever I could, because I'm gonna miss Sun school this Sunday. The 3 heads of the school stayed back late, to rant with each other, about the problems with school teachers. I tried to chip in abit saying "you have to inspire the teachers..."
Thinking maybe the teachers needed some new ooze of inspiration before the start of the new term next year, revive the teachers energy. Hmm... I can see the teachers are getting older and older, and getting lazier!! haha :) Maybe that's the problem? Lotsa demands and complains from teachers which the school couldn't meet, and the 3 heads are wondering what is wrong with the current teachers.
Will a good "inspiring-leader" be the key to drive the motivation or spirit of the unenthusiastic teachers? I understand how 2 out of 3 of the heads are really wishing to step down for personal sake. Actually I dont question the credibility of the remaining 1 left, but it is her husband who is quite annoying to most people. Opps sorry for saying that...
Change is always good, IMO. Changing heads, changing policy or changing portfolio are viable. But how to change the 'mindset' of people is very hard! One teacher start to complain, like a domino effect, the 2nd and the rest of the teachers will start complaining...
Maybe its due to society's own modernisation, where standard of living have drastically improved through the years. Everyone have handphones, everyone begins to own their own transport, people have more money to spend on leisure... and parents tend to give more priority to their family...
Well, why do I say this? Because the big head was wondering why in those were the days, when there's less staff serving the school, when one staff was a one-leg-kick teacher-cum-committees for all the projects they have had... and some teachers had to take bus to come, and those were the days there's no handphone... how did they survived back then with less complains?!
Point to note, actually back then, the kids were not sooo naughty and noisy and annoying. It was less tiring to teach a class back then compared to the kids now. The higher class students were more intellectual than the teenagers we have now. Is that prevailing in the national school as well? Gone were the days, where students ask very profound questions... kids now are so engrossed with their school exam, their friends, their handphone and what not...
What the hell am I rambling at? Not that I've got the insight to change the world yet... am just wondering, if things are just going on at the pace that they are, should I bother to change them?
what im hearing now is noisy pollution in the office air, coming indefinitely from server team. The team that I'm more suited to be in based on my skill set, but here I am in rs - remote services team, which is the most 'quiet' team. Not like it is a problem, as you know when I'm faced with DMS, I could gradually blow... what due to NOISE? Nah... its just annoying! They speak so loudly to each other although they're hidden under the cubicles. All the calls they make to users, the leave it on speaker phone, so the whole world can hear their cranky conversations.
Blah blah blah... so last Sunday I stayed back late in Sun School trying to finish off whatever I could, because I'm gonna miss Sun school this Sunday. The 3 heads of the school stayed back late, to rant with each other, about the problems with school teachers. I tried to chip in abit saying "you have to inspire the teachers..."
Thinking maybe the teachers needed some new ooze of inspiration before the start of the new term next year, revive the teachers energy. Hmm... I can see the teachers are getting older and older, and getting lazier!! haha :) Maybe that's the problem? Lotsa demands and complains from teachers which the school couldn't meet, and the 3 heads are wondering what is wrong with the current teachers.
Will a good "inspiring-leader" be the key to drive the motivation or spirit of the unenthusiastic teachers? I understand how 2 out of 3 of the heads are really wishing to step down for personal sake. Actually I dont question the credibility of the remaining 1 left, but it is her husband who is quite annoying to most people. Opps sorry for saying that...
Change is always good, IMO. Changing heads, changing policy or changing portfolio are viable. But how to change the 'mindset' of people is very hard! One teacher start to complain, like a domino effect, the 2nd and the rest of the teachers will start complaining...
Maybe its due to society's own modernisation, where standard of living have drastically improved through the years. Everyone have handphones, everyone begins to own their own transport, people have more money to spend on leisure... and parents tend to give more priority to their family...
Well, why do I say this? Because the big head was wondering why in those were the days, when there's less staff serving the school, when one staff was a one-leg-kick teacher-cum-committees for all the projects they have had... and some teachers had to take bus to come, and those were the days there's no handphone... how did they survived back then with less complains?!
Point to note, actually back then, the kids were not sooo naughty and noisy and annoying. It was less tiring to teach a class back then compared to the kids now. The higher class students were more intellectual than the teenagers we have now. Is that prevailing in the national school as well? Gone were the days, where students ask very profound questions... kids now are so engrossed with their school exam, their friends, their handphone and what not...
What the hell am I rambling at? Not that I've got the insight to change the world yet... am just wondering, if things are just going on at the pace that they are, should I bother to change them?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Disequilibrium of Mentality Syndrome
The problem with me, exactly what a friend has pointed out to me, what he call the "disequilibrium of mentality" is exactly what I'm facing esp talking / discussing with certain people.
Sometimes, I so wish I could just die off when talking to them. Sometimes, I wonder if I should follow what Buddha said, do not associate with the fools, I should just stop talking to them forever, and save my energy to remain mindfully calm.
Actually, by now I do not feel so tensed up after putting off thinking about it for few days. I'm beginning to think maybe its no fault of others, but my self-centred nature that couldn't associate my mind with that of others. I dont think there will ever be a cure for this syndrome of "disequilibrium of mentality" when talking with certain people about certain topic. Thinking back just makes me sick.
...even when DRIVING! Actually I have a big attitude problem, I dont know what it's really called, I'll just say it's the DMS. Like when you're trying to cross a very busy T-junction, and you're few doors away from home, and then the cars keep coming in from all direction, just as I'm letting go the pedal planning to go after give way to the lorry infront, some idiot cut me from behind by cutting to my right (its a mini lane), and I could see the lorry trying to turn in from the left... and it's almost gonna be a head on collision right infront of me... YET the STUPID IDIOT car manage to swerve right through it, and he think he must be a d*** hero, cutting cross the busy lane... vrroomm... off he sped off. I'm speechless. It makes me feel like ... no i cant type it here...
2 Questions : WHY CANT THESE PEOPLE NOT AGITATED ME! and WHY DO I GET ALL SO AGGRAVATED?
Next situation. Now if only I didn't start letting people to read my blog. But who cares... if u think I've stepped on your toe, so be it. Not like I'm gonna try to be tactful writing to myself in my own blog. When trying to understand why people who'd have opposite, or probably absurb opinion on politics. How can someone say LKS is ignorant, and barking at the wrong tree. I just dont know to cry, to laugh, to cut my heart out, or to just vomit blood, or just ... i dunno... i am capable of brutality using the tongue if only I could use it. Dont ask me why, I have high respect for opposition leader LKS. I am just venting my fume as I can never understand why these people think the way they think. If only there's answer to why people think the way they think, which can be acceptable to my mind... then I wouldn't react so rudely inside my heart.
Another case? Hmm.. this one must be milder on my tone, a friend who dare tell me, she'd dare to try drug just to know what it is like. What kinda #$%^$*&^$#% is that? Alright... i'll stop here.
Was about to go on about my estranged best friend who's marrying her Indian Christian bf, eventhough her father is against it, and constantly praying to God to intervene and help her acheive what she wants. What she wants is against what her family wants, so some people say you should just do what you want, AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY (although other people is unhappy). Just like trying drugs, you should also allow them to take drugs, becos AS LONG AS they are happy. Or when people start relying on God as a excuse, for you to do just about anything that you want, because you think God is the reason for you, you're answerable only to God, and not even to your parents or non-Godly beings around you. People like that... can also make me pull my hair off.
Then if there's bystander who thinks its OK for people to dwell on happily with God, as long as they're happy with God... well its still OK to a certain extend but it is NOT OK to me, if you cant be happy in the real world. The world where you have human beings living around you. Actually, dont get my wrong, I do respect people who are truly happy with themselves and also living a purposeful life in the real world, although they believe in God. This case with my ex-bestfriend, she is only living a make-belief happy life with her God. She do not have friends of other faith anymore. If anyone still can side her... go ahead... dont get amused if I dont hear you.
Enough of crap... suppose to do some crap work for my @#$^$ boss... urrrrggghh....
Sometimes, I so wish I could just die off when talking to them. Sometimes, I wonder if I should follow what Buddha said, do not associate with the fools, I should just stop talking to them forever, and save my energy to remain mindfully calm.
Actually, by now I do not feel so tensed up after putting off thinking about it for few days. I'm beginning to think maybe its no fault of others, but my self-centred nature that couldn't associate my mind with that of others. I dont think there will ever be a cure for this syndrome of "disequilibrium of mentality" when talking with certain people about certain topic. Thinking back just makes me sick.
...even when DRIVING! Actually I have a big attitude problem, I dont know what it's really called, I'll just say it's the DMS. Like when you're trying to cross a very busy T-junction, and you're few doors away from home, and then the cars keep coming in from all direction, just as I'm letting go the pedal planning to go after give way to the lorry infront, some idiot cut me from behind by cutting to my right (its a mini lane), and I could see the lorry trying to turn in from the left... and it's almost gonna be a head on collision right infront of me... YET the STUPID IDIOT car manage to swerve right through it, and he think he must be a d*** hero, cutting cross the busy lane... vrroomm... off he sped off. I'm speechless. It makes me feel like ... no i cant type it here...
2 Questions : WHY CANT THESE PEOPLE NOT AGITATED ME! and WHY DO I GET ALL SO AGGRAVATED?
Next situation. Now if only I didn't start letting people to read my blog. But who cares... if u think I've stepped on your toe, so be it. Not like I'm gonna try to be tactful writing to myself in my own blog. When trying to understand why people who'd have opposite, or probably absurb opinion on politics. How can someone say LKS is ignorant, and barking at the wrong tree. I just dont know to cry, to laugh, to cut my heart out, or to just vomit blood, or just ... i dunno... i am capable of brutality using the tongue if only I could use it. Dont ask me why, I have high respect for opposition leader LKS. I am just venting my fume as I can never understand why these people think the way they think. If only there's answer to why people think the way they think, which can be acceptable to my mind... then I wouldn't react so rudely inside my heart.
Another case? Hmm.. this one must be milder on my tone, a friend who dare tell me, she'd dare to try drug just to know what it is like. What kinda #$%^$*&^$#% is that? Alright... i'll stop here.
Was about to go on about my estranged best friend who's marrying her Indian Christian bf, eventhough her father is against it, and constantly praying to God to intervene and help her acheive what she wants. What she wants is against what her family wants, so some people say you should just do what you want, AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY (although other people is unhappy). Just like trying drugs, you should also allow them to take drugs, becos AS LONG AS they are happy. Or when people start relying on God as a excuse, for you to do just about anything that you want, because you think God is the reason for you, you're answerable only to God, and not even to your parents or non-Godly beings around you. People like that... can also make me pull my hair off.
Then if there's bystander who thinks its OK for people to dwell on happily with God, as long as they're happy with God... well its still OK to a certain extend but it is NOT OK to me, if you cant be happy in the real world. The world where you have human beings living around you. Actually, dont get my wrong, I do respect people who are truly happy with themselves and also living a purposeful life in the real world, although they believe in God. This case with my ex-bestfriend, she is only living a make-belief happy life with her God. She do not have friends of other faith anymore. If anyone still can side her... go ahead... dont get amused if I dont hear you.
Enough of crap... suppose to do some crap work for my @#$^$ boss... urrrrggghh....
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
My Turn
What turn? Nothing... its on impulse, after reading a friend's blog I thought of screaming out at her for writing the way she writes, but I cant, so channel the energy another form.
Do you wanna know? actually she'd read my blog eventually, not wanting to confuse or annoy her. It's sun sch related. Bleh.. I dun really wanna "talk" about people? Actually, teaching is noble. One of the 10 good karma is to teach the Dhamma. Yet, there's alot of superficiality that anyone insightful enough can feel.
Year in year out, we hear people say "I've had enough, I'm taking a break next year". My friend has only been teaching probably few years, and thinking of stopping? Actually, if you have no serious personal problem, and coming to the temple has been a part of your life, what will you actually do on days when you're suppose to be helping out at the temple? Sit at home watch TV?
If you're a lazy bum like my dad, yes he doesn't go temple but he's a wise man although he doesnt have any formal Buddhist teaching. Just light reading, and *briinkkk you understand life.
There are so many aimless people I meet, even in temple. I'm not sure if they know what they want. Ok so you're unhappy here, then you quit. Will you be happy being somewhere else, doing something else? Having said that, I wont discourage anyone who need that well deserving "break" that they need. Well, sis M is one who's chosen to 'take a break' there and then. No sign of her suddenly, but I still know she's is a gem at heart. I feel happier to know people who are assured of themselves, know what they want, and know how to be happy.
I get restless thinking, why are there people, throwing the idea back & forth, thinking about this and that, go or stay, what's the reason to stay etc. Maybe everyone need to do some soul searching, who they really are, and what they really want. But how come it affects many people at the same time?
I hear sis. JC wanna take a break. I hear sis. JL wanna take a break. I even get teased by Sis. ET for asking me to replace her for that extremely hectic admin post. Then what bro. O & his family too, now this family I've heard about them wanting to take a break since a long time ago, why are they still around?
I am not happy in the sense that, I know we dont have an inspiring leader. To move us, to drive us, to acheive a vision or mission within our organisation. Learning alot from incovar and bgf gang, and having choleric-attitude in my brain, I feel itchy backside, wanting to screaming my heart out -- wake up!
When people feel drained, when they there is no objective, when it is meaningless, people will surely have the easy excuse to quit. Maybe they are indeed some wise people around, but they know they cant challenge the unchallengable... go figure. Will I surrender that easily? This is the biggest buddhist sunday school in the country we're talking about. You know you can do so much more not only within our own community, but spread across the region. Is there anyone who look beyond the yearly calender? Hmm.. what is the 5 year or 10 year plan down the road?
I wish to build up more vocal ability and self-confidence, to speak up more bravely when I can wisely tactfully challenge the unchallengable. It's soooo stupid to hear comment like "we should have organised the inter-school hymn singing competition, be the lead for it"... DOHHHHHhhhhh...... ok, so our school came up top for the secondary school level, but who are the performers? overage school leavers? Where are the cute little ones who performed so confidently during internal Hymn Singing competition which was scrap off?! That was probably the only school event I looked forward to when I was still a student. Classroom lessons were boring.
Another most disheartening joke, when the head of the school asked a chinese class teacher to vet through the chinese hymn CD sent to our school, to make sure it is 'acceptable', make sure no "amitufuo" or else cannot use. *smack my head please someone. There I'm helping bgf to set up mpo, the central network for buddhist music. Here I have to face the "Doh-est" of "Doh", the grandmother of all "Doh" scenario.
But who can decide on the vision, and drive on the mission, and set short term goals, with selfless objectives for the school? You know who striked my mind? Bro. Kong Joo! Hahaha... there's no chinese-speaking dude who can articulate in english just as well. I know what he is capable to 'dream' of for the community of buddhists. I set through meetings with him, using his own logic to create vision and mission for a straight forward children camp.
I wish I can have KJ's visionary mind, cap with Alex management capacity, with vocal teacher's confidence... wait something is missing... a team. No leader can acheive his masterplan without a team of people to work together, to be the driving force to progression.
Have you ever wondered who's gonna replace Chief R? Many people who shy away attempting to asnwer. I just cannot imagine if you-know-who is gonna be the successor.
Here I am wondering how I can help chart the path for the school, for the country. There I here people 'taking a break'.
As I said, if 'taking a break' is for your own good, go give yourself a well deserving break. You have to take good care of yourself first, before you can take care of others.
Maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe life must move on. But for the naive me, as long as I'm alive today, I will try to do something. Something to help knock on people's head, for not knowing what in the world they're thinking!
Hahaha... this must be a typical choleric mindframe!
Go to sleep now, or I could enhance on the roadshow movie strip that I enjoyed doing until 3am this morning. Yet, if I go on editing forever, it will never end. Things can always be improved! And my @#^#^*&$&^@!$!#^$* laptop... I cant edit flash / swish stuff without over straining my heart. Yes, i am deeply impatient with my super mega ulta slow speed of my laptop. The day I return my laptop to my stupid boss when I resign, I say "better throw your laptop away".
OK... sleep tight.
Do you wanna know? actually she'd read my blog eventually, not wanting to confuse or annoy her. It's sun sch related. Bleh.. I dun really wanna "talk" about people? Actually, teaching is noble. One of the 10 good karma is to teach the Dhamma. Yet, there's alot of superficiality that anyone insightful enough can feel.
Year in year out, we hear people say "I've had enough, I'm taking a break next year". My friend has only been teaching probably few years, and thinking of stopping? Actually, if you have no serious personal problem, and coming to the temple has been a part of your life, what will you actually do on days when you're suppose to be helping out at the temple? Sit at home watch TV?
If you're a lazy bum like my dad, yes he doesn't go temple but he's a wise man although he doesnt have any formal Buddhist teaching. Just light reading, and *briinkkk you understand life.
There are so many aimless people I meet, even in temple. I'm not sure if they know what they want. Ok so you're unhappy here, then you quit. Will you be happy being somewhere else, doing something else? Having said that, I wont discourage anyone who need that well deserving "break" that they need. Well, sis M is one who's chosen to 'take a break' there and then. No sign of her suddenly, but I still know she's is a gem at heart. I feel happier to know people who are assured of themselves, know what they want, and know how to be happy.
I get restless thinking, why are there people, throwing the idea back & forth, thinking about this and that, go or stay, what's the reason to stay etc. Maybe everyone need to do some soul searching, who they really are, and what they really want. But how come it affects many people at the same time?
I hear sis. JC wanna take a break. I hear sis. JL wanna take a break. I even get teased by Sis. ET for asking me to replace her for that extremely hectic admin post. Then what bro. O & his family too, now this family I've heard about them wanting to take a break since a long time ago, why are they still around?
I am not happy in the sense that, I know we dont have an inspiring leader. To move us, to drive us, to acheive a vision or mission within our organisation. Learning alot from incovar and bgf gang, and having choleric-attitude in my brain, I feel itchy backside, wanting to screaming my heart out -- wake up!
When people feel drained, when they there is no objective, when it is meaningless, people will surely have the easy excuse to quit. Maybe they are indeed some wise people around, but they know they cant challenge the unchallengable... go figure. Will I surrender that easily? This is the biggest buddhist sunday school in the country we're talking about. You know you can do so much more not only within our own community, but spread across the region. Is there anyone who look beyond the yearly calender? Hmm.. what is the 5 year or 10 year plan down the road?
I wish to build up more vocal ability and self-confidence, to speak up more bravely when I can wisely tactfully challenge the unchallengable. It's soooo stupid to hear comment like "we should have organised the inter-school hymn singing competition, be the lead for it"... DOHHHHHhhhhh...... ok, so our school came up top for the secondary school level, but who are the performers? overage school leavers? Where are the cute little ones who performed so confidently during internal Hymn Singing competition which was scrap off?! That was probably the only school event I looked forward to when I was still a student. Classroom lessons were boring.
Another most disheartening joke, when the head of the school asked a chinese class teacher to vet through the chinese hymn CD sent to our school, to make sure it is 'acceptable', make sure no "amitufuo" or else cannot use. *smack my head please someone. There I'm helping bgf to set up mpo, the central network for buddhist music. Here I have to face the "Doh-est" of "Doh", the grandmother of all "Doh" scenario.
But who can decide on the vision, and drive on the mission, and set short term goals, with selfless objectives for the school? You know who striked my mind? Bro. Kong Joo! Hahaha... there's no chinese-speaking dude who can articulate in english just as well. I know what he is capable to 'dream' of for the community of buddhists. I set through meetings with him, using his own logic to create vision and mission for a straight forward children camp.
I wish I can have KJ's visionary mind, cap with Alex management capacity, with vocal teacher's confidence... wait something is missing... a team. No leader can acheive his masterplan without a team of people to work together, to be the driving force to progression.
Have you ever wondered who's gonna replace Chief R? Many people who shy away attempting to asnwer. I just cannot imagine if you-know-who is gonna be the successor.
Here I am wondering how I can help chart the path for the school, for the country. There I here people 'taking a break'.
As I said, if 'taking a break' is for your own good, go give yourself a well deserving break. You have to take good care of yourself first, before you can take care of others.
Maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe life must move on. But for the naive me, as long as I'm alive today, I will try to do something. Something to help knock on people's head, for not knowing what in the world they're thinking!
Hahaha... this must be a typical choleric mindframe!
Go to sleep now, or I could enhance on the roadshow movie strip that I enjoyed doing until 3am this morning. Yet, if I go on editing forever, it will never end. Things can always be improved! And my @#^#^*&$&^@!$!#^$* laptop... I cant edit flash / swish stuff without over straining my heart. Yes, i am deeply impatient with my super mega ulta slow speed of my laptop. The day I return my laptop to my stupid boss when I resign, I say "better throw your laptop away".
OK... sleep tight.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Having fun with English slang...
Hmm.. wonder why dont I join Customer Service. Was calling user from Philippines, then I called a lady in Hong Kong. Wow their English is actually superb! Except all the interesting slang. The Philippines guy spoke with quite neutral slang, but very 'smooth' almost like a Thai-slang English :P
I remember calling Vietnam, but it entered voicemail, the Vietnam language sounded like Thai!
Yesterday I was learning Urdu, the language for Pakistan.
How are you? = Tum Kesi Ho?
I'm fine = Mae theek hoong (very nazel sound)
Yes = Haan / G
No = Nahi
No wonder the Pakistani slang is different from the Indian slang. You can recognize the Indian slang anytime.
If my colleagues were to find out that I'm actually learning languages instead of calling user to troubleshoot their machine... haha. I was teaching the Pakistan guy Malay, while he taught me Urdu.
The girl from HK, I thought I wanna speak Cantonese with her, hmm... she answered me in English instead.
I remember calling Vietnam, but it entered voicemail, the Vietnam language sounded like Thai!
Yesterday I was learning Urdu, the language for Pakistan.
How are you? = Tum Kesi Ho?
I'm fine = Mae theek hoong (very nazel sound)
Yes = Haan / G
No = Nahi
No wonder the Pakistani slang is different from the Indian slang. You can recognize the Indian slang anytime.
If my colleagues were to find out that I'm actually learning languages instead of calling user to troubleshoot their machine... haha. I was teaching the Pakistan guy Malay, while he taught me Urdu.
The girl from HK, I thought I wanna speak Cantonese with her, hmm... she answered me in English instead.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Whoa.. blushing day*
Dear 'me',
FYA. xxx
A note of thanks to 'me' for an excellent job well executed - the team
achieved our first 98.3%! 'Me' really did our team proud! Not forgetting also the team's effort, T & CW.
Thanks.
Rgds
J
Name of Team
~*~
FYA. xxx
A note of thanks to 'me' for an excellent job well executed - the team
achieved our first 98.3%! 'Me' really did our team proud! Not forgetting also the team's effort, T & CW.
Thanks.
Rgds
J
Name of Team
~*~
Monday, October 03, 2005
Bring it on, October!
*Wheeewwiiitt! Why the hyperenergy? Well, why not. I thought September would be a busy month, but come to think of it, October looks more crammed than September. Why, the weekends look all filled up!
Sakyadhita website is set for launching Oct 12, and I'm not even half done with it. Guilty?! Haiya the mainpage html file with my designer friend, she havent send to me, what can I do ah. She also got a life and busy job. I should be thankful she's even willing to help me do for free.
Oct 30 Annual Prize Giving, somehow I'm organising chairperson but the planning is carried out even without me! The wonder of working with my Sunday School, there are behind-the-scene volunteers who make things happen. I just have to show up at meetings, get bombarded, get questions answered and smile. Actually it is really suffocating to be in the Project department of the school... is that why I moved to Publication? But it's not all goyang-kaki with Publication :P still rushing for printing, this school headmistress requested for MORE things to be included at the 11th hour. Initial plan to print by end of Sep is delayed until hopefully by this weekend!
Oct 1st, MPO kickstarted!! (way to go..*wheeewitttt!)
Oct 8th go Kuantan... but I forgot that means no show on Sunday in temple -- how to proceed organising APG? (gonna get it again)
Oct 11th, INCOVAR Roadshow at UM - Chinese group.
Oct 12th, INCOVAR Roadshow at UM - English group.
Oct 12th, Sakyadhita website launching, by Chew Mei Fun?!!! (my potential aunty in-law, doh my bro is seeing this girl who's aunty is miss Chew)
Oct 15th, friend's wedding where I become photographer!
Oct 16th, the target date to distribute THE Magazine.
Oct 22nd, PCIC with INCOVAR, meaning no show on Sunday in temple -- again?! the week before tha APG :P See how I kena...
Oct 23rd, Kathina Day in temple -- actually not my business :P
Oct 30th, Annual Prize Giving... bleh...
Nov 6th, BISDS AGM (boring...)
Hmm... my job? I'm taking a chance, just like I took a chance in my 1st job, playing game with the company. My clientbased teamlead, my teamlead's boss and even the big Asia-Pac boss have all agreed to take me. Now its all up to the top level management between local and global company playing table tennis. With their table tennis game dragging on, it may take a few months to decide the winner. With a heavy heart, I rejected my new job offer, betting on this table tennis game instead. Taking a chance for a promotion, ulteriorly. It's amazing what 'Attitude' means to people. It is my 'Attitude' that my teamlead is willing to fight on for me! I sure hope I could win this bet in this game. Well, Liverpool lost to Chelsea last night, but they're still Europe Champion!!! :) haha...
Life is a gamble. Enjoy the thrilling ride.
Sakyadhita website is set for launching Oct 12, and I'm not even half done with it. Guilty?! Haiya the mainpage html file with my designer friend, she havent send to me, what can I do ah. She also got a life and busy job. I should be thankful she's even willing to help me do for free.
Oct 30 Annual Prize Giving, somehow I'm organising chairperson but the planning is carried out even without me! The wonder of working with my Sunday School, there are behind-the-scene volunteers who make things happen. I just have to show up at meetings, get bombarded, get questions answered and smile. Actually it is really suffocating to be in the Project department of the school... is that why I moved to Publication? But it's not all goyang-kaki with Publication :P still rushing for printing, this school headmistress requested for MORE things to be included at the 11th hour. Initial plan to print by end of Sep is delayed until hopefully by this weekend!
Oct 1st, MPO kickstarted!! (way to go..*wheeewitttt!)
Oct 8th go Kuantan... but I forgot that means no show on Sunday in temple -- how to proceed organising APG? (gonna get it again)
Oct 11th, INCOVAR Roadshow at UM - Chinese group.
Oct 12th, INCOVAR Roadshow at UM - English group.
Oct 12th, Sakyadhita website launching, by Chew Mei Fun?!!! (my potential aunty in-law, doh my bro is seeing this girl who's aunty is miss Chew)
Oct 15th, friend's wedding where I become photographer!
Oct 16th, the target date to distribute THE Magazine.
Oct 22nd, PCIC with INCOVAR, meaning no show on Sunday in temple -- again?! the week before tha APG :P See how I kena...
Oct 23rd, Kathina Day in temple -- actually not my business :P
Oct 30th, Annual Prize Giving... bleh...
Nov 6th, BISDS AGM (boring...)
Hmm... my job? I'm taking a chance, just like I took a chance in my 1st job, playing game with the company. My clientbased teamlead, my teamlead's boss and even the big Asia-Pac boss have all agreed to take me. Now its all up to the top level management between local and global company playing table tennis. With their table tennis game dragging on, it may take a few months to decide the winner. With a heavy heart, I rejected my new job offer, betting on this table tennis game instead. Taking a chance for a promotion, ulteriorly. It's amazing what 'Attitude' means to people. It is my 'Attitude' that my teamlead is willing to fight on for me! I sure hope I could win this bet in this game. Well, Liverpool lost to Chelsea last night, but they're still Europe Champion!!! :) haha...
Life is a gamble. Enjoy the thrilling ride.
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