ahem, a job that I like...

so I didn't get the Shell daily-paid contract job. But that's not even the point! I was introduced to this 'hardworking' agent from Manpower, she's really cool. She gave me interview tips, she gave me alot of help in doing well in the interview with the potential employer!

Amazingly, I really like this job and I realised the job vacancy was even advertised quite sometime back in kwx posting. But just didn't applied it. Require min 2 years experience with CA products?! Ee..excuse me?! Hello?? Who do you think you're looking at?!! Uhhuh.. yeeaahh. That's me :P (alright since when I started to get so bloated)

The jOB! Let me see, it's related to CA products, they require a person with "attitude" above everything, they would require me to TRAVEL!! Yes!

I was asked in the interview "if I send you to China for 1 year is it a nightmare or a dream?!" .. i almost burst. No, I was not that behavior-crazy then. But why would it ever be a nightmare for me to travel to CHINA?!! Gosh... remember my mission to find out my roots?! My great-grand-father must have sailed through the South China Sea all the way from China, but WHERE in China?! No idea.

The Job! It is still a small company, but with a crazy idea for massive expansion. That's why they need people with the drive, motivation and ambiton! Gossh... that's me :P ahem.

Cannot imagine why else would I not make it for this job. The last stage would be the interview with the boss James. Hearsay he's not easy to handle and he talks alot. Wow... couldn't be more challenged.

I am praying everyday that I will get this job, or rather this 'type' of job. A job where there is opportunity to move up to corporate ladder, a job like a consultant, a job that is challenging not only to the mind but also to the heart. Imagine if I could travel to overseas for a business trip?! Hahaha... saliva dripping.

Anyway, must keep on working hard, and also work smart and just keep the faith! Even if I were to die now today, I will have no regret.

Live Wisely ; Rewrite Your Destiny!

Status Report

The HP support guy called back just about when I wanted to call him to say "I dont want this job", and he nicely said "Ok thank you". ~end~

?!! no further negotiation?!! I guess if I dont want that job, there are many others who would want it - that's the scenario now.

Anyway, I felt quite relieved that I dont have to worry about "deciding to accept/reject" the job.

That said, I'm happily living my life just like whawt I know of. Having no job in the line up is not a bad thing for me - cos i choose freedom! I like the idea of being free! Not knowing when, how, where, why... just being free! :)

Just enjoy being free now for the moment.. the moment wont last too long. Thank Lord I have my parents. They did nothing, that's the best thing they could do for me, 'dont do/say anything'. *phew... :)

I'm free!! I'm Free!!

ohya... on the note of being free... I have one gigantic Incovar camp to brace for next week, one PTD test (IN MALAY LANGUAGE) to anticipate for, a few job response that I'm anxiously waiting for, one speech vocal training to look forward to, and counting on THE DAY that I could buy a digital SLR!!!

:)

To Decide To Not To Decide?!!

To decide or not to decide? That is not a question, because I couldn't even bring myself to "DECIDE" to decide. So what if I could "DECIDE" to NOT Decide?

Sigh... if you dont already know what's feeding my brain this whole weekend. Well for now, I've already 'consulted' so many people, everybody's two cents worth given came in different currency. Some say take it, some day dont. Some say its too hard to decide, some ask 'what does your gut' says? Most people rather take risk and go for money - well that's the reality of life and reality bites. Hey, maybe I should seek 'consultation' from Buddha at the alter! You know, throwing two coins placed back-to-back on the ground and "seng bui".

There is a contract 1 year bond offer for me doing application support that require my immediate reply. There are so many jobs out there waiting for me to explore! If only I want to. Whether "can I afford to" or "do I want do" are different questions to tackle. Affordability - yes since I do still have a job until end of June. By then, I know I should be able to secure another job, simply because I WANT to. When you want something more desirably, more certainly you'll get it. So, do I want that 1st job offer that came my way??!!

What do you wanna do?

In random order (I've not fix the milestone yet because it takes time for me to analyze urgency and importance of these "to do items" given a whole lifetime for me to play with!)

1. Become a technical consultant for a top-notch MNC! (yeah dream on... but am not ruling it out, just yet, although its beginning to be really tough to achieve with this global economical trend. Ahem, maybe because I'm just not up to the mark?!)

2. Run my own business. Seriously, I find the enthusiasm in reading Economist or Forbes (if only got $$ to subscribe to it :P) Here's a few business ideas.. wait a minute, I cant publicly share my business ideas here?! Ahem.. but it's gotta be related to
- photography
- hostels
- travel agency
- printing / media
- restaurant (but slowly losing interest)

3. I wannna have Ian Wright's job. Become a travel showhost! :P OK ok, doesn't hurt to become an international tourguide first!

4. I wanna do MBA or Master in Politics / Social Science / Arts - yeah u get my point. (but what use is a Master Degree ?! :P)

5. I know - useful when applying to be volunteer (or for a job) for United Nation! Will it ever be possible?!

6. Oh ya, how can I forget, I wanna be a journalist too! Covering news in the international political arena, post me to Iraq & get myself beheaded. **crazy**

-- Not so important --

7. I wanna be a polician?!! (*oh no, it cant be!)

8. Before that, I must first want to improve on my vocals & public speaking skill.

9. I wanna be an Art Director (no idea what the hell it means, something like Yasmin Ahmad?!)

10. I wanna be certificied in Cisco, Microsoft, SAP :P Hahaha.

11. I wanna travel and write about China || find where did my ancestors come from in China.

12. Travel to Tibet / Nepal.

13. Visit Angkor Wat || Borobudor || Bali || India.


..
..

Sei mei..

What do you wanna be?

This question many people asked me, and through instinct, my first unprocessed thought would give you the answer :

I wanna be a backpacker!


-can I?

Cant donate blood - ever!

;-{

Well, trying my luck again on Sunday, there was this blood donation drive in the temple, inconjunction with the "Caring & Sharing" event. I know I've been advised before from the doctor in National Blood Bank, she showed me her booklet for donating blood, for people like me - I cant donate blood ever!

Last Sunday, I just popped in and ask the doctor "I had hyperthyroid, was under medication but stopped 2 years ago, can I donate blood?"

At first she said can, why not. So I explain to her, what the National Blood Bank doctor advised me before - then she changed her mind! She asked if I have "Grave Disease", errr that name sounds familiar, so I said "Yes!"

Oh, like that I cannot donate blood, forEVER!

Great.

A Point In Time

Today I virtually walked into the gas chamber with my own two feet. Me with 2 guy colleagues.

Knock knock. And I pushed open the door to my partner's cold room. Pulled the chair, and everybody sat down: me, 2 guys, manager and the partner.

Braced myself for it. Held my straight face for as long as I could, but I'm still me. I can pull off a wry smile and speak up when in face-off position inside the gas chamber. The whole chamber was silent for a few moment. It was really awkward to try to find where my eye-balls should be looking at.

I did something I wanted to tell off the bosses / management, to f***off, but no, nicely I put the words in simple English "management should do better next time".

Yep, the partner responded humbly, on the verge of being apologetic, but he's still as confident as he is. Only expressed his appreciation and wished us "thank you".

I was trying to be so cool and emotionless. I was holding myself from getting teary eyed. No, I just breath calmly and endured the "a point in time" confrontation with the management.

I have been laid off. Well so to speak. No bonus, no money, no camera. Ermm... at this "point of time" I'm only dishearten about having no new camera!

Well, a point in time, when I have to start working hard to go on job hunting exercise in full swing, yet trying to keep the cool as not to reveal desperation, and no turning back please.

Today I learnt about a Chinese saying "good horse dont go back eat grass" ~ didn't really get what it means, but literally saying to move forward and not regret?!

A point in time - this is going to be my real last goodbye.

Story of the 2 Fishermen :P

Check this out! And also this. Haha... actually I wanted to post up the story of this 2 fishermen, one laidback lazy fisherman who only knows how to enjoy and relax himself under the coconut tree, while the other frequently goes out to the sea to catch alot of fishes to earn a better living.

The hardworking fisherman was asked
"Why you work so hard?"
"To get more fishes, so that can earn more income"
"Why you want to earn more income?"
"So that next time, I can have a good life, and enjoy myself!"

Hmm.. and then the lazy fisherman thought isnt't that what he's doing now?

Sigh... point of me telling this story is, I really connected with this story. There were a few encounters with people advocating about 'becoming rich by being hardworking now' and I really couldn't lift that finger to move myself to "become rich"!

So call me a lazy bum, yes I am. And most probably I'll never become rich, because I'd never thought of or dream of being rich, although I do sometimes wonder "what if" I have extra cash, so that I could travel to the places that I'd dream to go?!!

Yes, that's one big point to ponder -- WHAT IF?! -- That's the point network marketeers try to move me into achieving financial freedom! Passive income, residue income, financial independent - terms I've read, heard and even briefly analysed. "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" I've read. "Copycat Marketing" also have read.

The most significant yet easy to read book "Who Moved My Cheese?" also digested. Then why is my financial situation not changed? Why hasn't it drive me to want to work that extra harder to make it happen?! To be rich?!

Demn...sometimes, in the middle of driving (that's when I think to myself the most), I ask -- WHAT IF -- I could renounce the world, and become a nun. At the end of the day, I see myself almost like the lazy fisherman, who doesn't have that desire to work harder in life, to get more money, to be richer than I am today - but just lepak... in other words, just simply live life now?

If I could live life now - why am I complaining?! Actually, I'm not sure what exactly am I complaining. I sometimes am so innocent to feel that I've achieved the ultimate wish of my life, that is to backpack Europe! And I did that! Yet my life didn't end there.

That's where I have to put up with all the people around me who hasn't found or reached their ultimate dream!

Gosh.... shud I create new dream?

To MBA or not to MBA?

I went blog surfing and this is pretty inspiring to me --

Larry Page, co-founder of Google, recently gave a speech at the University of Michigan his Alma mater. Adam herscher recently graduated from the University and he recoreded the entire speech on his cell phone, which he posted on his webpage and braodcasted on Slashdot. Luckily, some guy made the effort to transcribe the entire speech.

So here are some excerpts :

Your son wants to leave his PhD program in Stanford and hasn't graduated yet, would you let him go off and start a crazy company? Your supposed to nod. So maybe not, I guess its really important for people to take risks.

One is that, doing bigger things is easier than doing smaller things. I know that sounds really strange but it turns out, if you do something really big, you can get other people to help you, and you can get more people to help you. You get more of the kind of resources that you need. So its worth thinking about those big things to get done in the world.

One of the biggest things that surprises me is, there is a lot of money out there and resources for things, and there is very few people out there trying to do them. One of the things that amazes me is that very few people approached me that have good ideas, that have a team of people, even a small one, that have a little bit of traction and a good idea.

If you want to change the world, a good way of doing it is to be in a position of authority, positions of leadership.

I know some of [you] will [be] going to business school. I know what its like in business school and I wanted to give you a plug. I think you don't really need to go to business school. You have a pretty rigorous education, much of this covers rocket science, but it does help us to have interests in business. You basically just need the interest and read a lot of books. I read a whole bookshelf full of business books, and that's basically what I needed.

My advice to you, have confidence, fail often, have a healthy disregard for the impossible. You have a huge opportunity to use engineering, technology and businesses skill to improve the world. You should do things that matter, and you should have fun, because otherwise you wont succeed, and you should travel, and I suggest China, Africa and India there's lots of amazing things there.

One Day ~ 3rd of May

[Added on 4th May] Learnt it 1st from aabubba, click here for the meaning.

A rolling stone gathers no moss

It just took ONE day, that's how short it is, that I'm going to be working with PIKOM. I am soooo f***ing guilty now that I'm going to let somebody down because of my indecisiveness. I so hope that this KHA guy wont feel so disappointed in me as this BalaPillai, both of them I get to know from the SK forum. First I lead them to think that I'm capable enough, but it turns out, I couldn't be of value to them, or that I'm just... just me.

The me... who finally felt that I couldn't run away to do administrative / executive job, which is nothing relevent to what I've studied and my past working experience! Maybe I chose computer engineering degree for a reason?! Maybe I worked in Astro for industrial training for a reason? Maybe I aimed to hard to enter Accenture also for a reason?!!

So I guess I'm not a risk taker afterall, trying to switch my career path?! Who says I'm good at gambling anyway. I usually place my bet without "thinking", eg. I just bet on the my favourite team irregardless if they're good or not. I just bet on Liverpool to beat Chelsea tonight!!! Am I going to lose the bet? Who knows... told ya I dont calculate.

I just do and die.

And cry..

And then try to get a grip and get on with life.

What is life ~ the only meaning I know of my life, is a life of being me... the contradicting me.

To all the my ex-boss, current boss and all future bosses - thank you for putting up with me, I've got a nut somewhere to screw.

The mark of a new journey

Take a deeeeeeep lonnnggggg breath.. *huuuuuuuuuuuhhhh*

Now is not going to be easy to tell, let alone write. Let's rewind to the day before Friday. Actually Friday has to be related to the day before, which was Thursday. In the evening, on my way home, my slk lost faith in me. Well, I mean to say, after having to put up with the most irresponsible owner, my slk couldn't take me anymore, and the engine died. Yes, admittedly, I deserve to be penalised with a hefty sum of an engine change.

Just about an hour before the car broke down, I was speed-shopping in Alamanda, and bought myself an expensive black suit for the interview on Friday. And having no cheaper alternative in this really tiny shopping mall, I swiped away RM179.00 for the jacket, that I will surely remember for the rest of my life. The last most expensive piece of clothing I bought was priced at ~RM95, which I also bought it just for another stupid interview.

Let's continue... having said that, I braced myself for a half day work Friday, not knowing that boss wanted me to tell him the latest story about what I've been up to with the client. Also in the morning, boss offically sent me and the 2 other contractors to the Government project, most probably fitting in with the role of network / infra support, doing the same thing I've been doing all along. It was a very exciting morning, where its like a conference, between me, boss and Mudz. I'm so thankful that I understood what the heck the boss was trying to draw / explain about the network. Just that I felt that if I were smarter or bolder, I would have come up an idea like his and that would make look me like a bullshit consultant! Haha...

In the midst of the Friday morning, I had the chance to bid farewell and give a hug to Kak Sarah, my closest teammate-client who needed most 'guidance' from me all the time. As a simple-minded religious lady, both me and her paired well in times of server-failure, where both our solution would be - to clasp our hands to together and pray! Yep... sometimes it did work. She prayed with her hands open, palm facing upward while I prayed (jokingly) the Lilian Too Feng Shui master way, using 2 fingers drawing the figre of 8. Trying so hard to contain my tears, as emotion flushed in through her simple yet meaningful thankyou & farewell wishes for me. Along came a plastic bag of a gift, it is a book by the touch of it. What book could it be?! Would Kak Sarah be willing to part with any of the network reference book?! ... I took a glipse of it... WOW...

The cover has Arabic words in it, it is an English translated holy book of the "Quran"!!

I know I've been advised to take good care of the book, just as any other holy materials, I know common sense, as a mark of respect, we shouldn't simply place it on the floor or sit on it. Anyway, I didn't have time to go through it yet.

Meanwhile, the interview was about to start at 2pm... just as boss and the rest of the Malay guys were going for their Friday prayer, I set off my journey to PJ, where my interview will take place, without having the time to go for lunch.

The next day, a Saturday morning, the last day of work for all Accenture staff in this government project. Emotions were running high. Mudzaffar was preparing to give away his wedding invitation card to all staff and of course I got one too. I rushed off with the handover documents, nicely binded with last minute adjustment. And started packing my table, just as what all the boys been doing for the morning.

There were piles of papers dumped into the 2 rubbish bins beside me... I so wish to tell them off to "recycle"!! In the midst of packing and bidding farewell to all the other colleagues, I got a call from mr. KHA.

Basically - I got the job, and I didn't have chance to re-consider - I was asked to report to work immediately on Tuesday, 3rd May.

Well, wouldn't it not be fair to my Accenture boss? If we're talking fairness, then it has never been fair being in my working position with Accenture. Instead of reporting to the other Accenture team on Tuesday, I now have a choice, to choose NOT to stick with Accenture.

No matter how glamourous or how high-profile the brandname may sound, it may not be what I want. I'll still be at the bottom-most level F, and not knowing when I can climb up to E, then D (team lead), C (manager) and then B - where my boss is at?! Of course being made level A Partner, means you have a share of the company.

My career path will then be what conventional group of people would have hoped for for me - from a technical degree, to a technical girl and being experienced in technical stuff, subsequently move up to become a technical manager?

What if, I have the freedom to choose, to do whatever I want to do, at that particular time, be it right or wrong time. To just do what you thought you'd want to do, regardless of where you've come from, and where you've been conditioned to go. Just like what if you can ::rewrite your destiny::

I took a risk yesterday, although I hardly take uncalculated risk. I was held back my boss with the 2 months bonus entitlement if I were to quit. But technically, the bonus is calculated as end of project bonus for all. What if I lose my 2 months bonus if I choose to sign my new appointment letter with a new company?

I was not given the chance to start later for the new company who require me work immediately. So, there came the idea of me taking "unpaid leave" for the remaining 2 months of my contract with Accenture. Hopefully with that, I'm not cut off completely.

I needed the bonus to repair my slk, if not I've intended to buy a new slr!!! Without the bonus, there's NO WAY I could afford the slr, and I'll just have to "repair" my spoilt A70 camera.

The slk... what to do with my slk.... alright, since I'm not complaining, and I'm taking it as costly lesson learnt, to take good care of my own car. I'll ask dad to pay up for me, he owes me RM1k :P

As I was walking out of the JPM building carrying my heavy bag with laptops, boxes, shoe and whatever crap toward my car, wearing my thick cotton Accenture jacket... I started to cry. The last day of being in one unique place where I've spent nearly 2 years in could build up so much 'attachment' inside.

I am definitely going to miss every one of the guys I came to meet here, no matter how weird they can be. Malays, Indian and Chinese. The multiracial working environment I've been in, made me a proud Malaysian.

To Woei Mun & Kai Seng & Bot --> cut down on your smoking!
To Ganesan --> Liverpool rules! Liverpool will beat Chelsea!!
To Mudz --> ..awww... thanks for just being there & be the only non-smoking & the creative guy...
To Zaidi and Tat Chong --> though I've never worked under you, you guys are too smart yet humble.
To boss Azmi --> thanks for making bonus happen for me, or else I dunno what to say...
..

who else, these people had left way before the project ends --> Sukye, Jaya, ChiNan, Saiful, Sarahwani and Salim. Salim being my great friend and Sukye being my teamlead and Jaya the yau yeng manager who 1st interviewed me in KLCC and got me the job.
..
no comment on Ridzuan.
..
my clients -> .... to many to mention, but En. Shahar is cute :P haha..

For now, I'll close this one chapter of my life as of 30th April 2005.

A new chapter begins on 3rd May 2005, Tuesday under mr. KHA. We'll see what takes off from there. I'll see how many people I'll get to meet, and how many events I get to organise.

To take a risk, to build courage from breaking out of the comfort shell, to create opportunity for oneself, and to continue this journey of experiencing life, this is a mark of a new journey.