It's amazing how the whole long winded post that I wrote in the notepad unsaved, is just 'pooof' gone! Maybe I can attempt to rewrite it shorter and more meaningfully. I remember writing this Chinese phrasing when I look at other couples, 比上不足，比下有余.
Husband Childhood
I'm blessed with my loving & humourous father, who never raise his voice at my mother. He was the 'yes dear' man that any wife could wish for. My mom is the fierce one and very caring towards humans and animals. She cooks dinner after work, and my parents knew what i like to eat etc.
My husband's paternal grandfather had 2nd wife in KL when he was lorry driver always not around, while his grandmother raise up my fil and his siblings. I heard the grandma spoil the eldest son which is my fil. And my fil talks condescendingly towards his younger sisters, even now at old age. My fil watched porn (allowed his sons to watch porn) and was not into sports and pets at all. While my dad was a sports enthusiast and very pious, brought my mom and me to BMV when I was in my mom's belly. My dad inherited the Quek family Chinese altar, he introduced Buddha image to be placed in the centre. It's hard to find a man who doesn't follow any sports - thats my husband. I used to watch football and badmintin wiht my family, but not with my husband family.
I heard this story a few times, when my husband was a baby, crying aloud, his father and his maternal grandma argue over something related to my husband, and the grandpa threw the rice pot on the floor. From then my fil forbid his 2 sons to return to their mother side for CNY. My mil family is quite small, during my wedding, my mil side of family took up less than half the table. Needless to say, my Chinese wedding looks like my parents were the main host, cos my side took up more tables.
I wanted to share that, I grew up never having men raising voice at me. In my work life male bosses were respectful people. But this is different when I married my hot-tempered husband. My fil shouting at my mil is a daily affair eventhough he is already so frail and wearing pampers. My side? Even my parents' brothers are 'obidient' to their wife. It's just very different living with my in law.
Side joke, my husband's 4th uncle, my fil's only brother often ask me "how ur fil got scold people ha?" i of course reply Gottt needless to say, this nice uncle somehow is different from his obnoxious dailoh.
School days, my husband didn't have home-cooked food dinner, father who was a teacher tapau and settled their daily routine, while his mother come back late. So I must understand why my mil don't know what my husband like to eat/dont eat.
Birth of my son
My pil were staying in their Setapak condo when my son was born. Then my mil became my son's caregiver against my wishes. It was my bil idea, he doesn't want his then 63 mom to continue working, it was good strategy for my mil to finally retire, she has no experience in taking care of baby. My bil claimed it was my husband who asked him for help, which my husband never told me and denied. I don't want to argue with my bil anymore. I felt alot of resentment because no one respect my decision as the mother of my child. So that's the start how my mil and gradually my fil moving into my small little hut. The condo is still there not renting out, not selling. My bil family has semi-D in Kota D'sara but now residing Spore with high pay + Filipino maid.
When we were planning to get married, we didnt really sort out or agree on major life decisions. He didn't want kid, I want kids. We didn't agree on his parents moving in to stay wiht us, it just happened. I felt like I lost my autonomy and my freedom. Every time when I speak, I have to filter and think before I say, cos my mil mind perspective things very differently from me. I used to be so carefree and happy go lucky person, do what I want, say what I want in my world.
Resentment
I don't know if my husband feels inferior to his smarter more successful elder bro. His parents are so scared of their eldest son, abang say anything they just listen and no sound. But with us, his parents are in their natural argumentative self. I grew up thinking elderly parents should live with their eldest son, but that's not what happen to my husband. My husband is the much poorer younger son who has to be responsible for his aging parents.
What's my point? Maybe I shall end here.. i duno where is this going to. I can go on and on about my husband. Bottomline is I'm not sure if this is what they call the wife emasculate the man. This is not my intention, but I often see myself nagging him still not filing his tax and not being hands-on with the kids (always rely on his mother when I'm busy or out). And its vulnerable for me to say this, but i felt hurt by my husband on few occasion.
