X'mas in Spore, oral surgery, Happy New Year!

When pictures paint a thousand words, I don't have to write so much. The past week has been really eventful, from missing out on the 15NOW concert just to show face at a big coconutsteamboat family reunion, to taking the bus alone from Pudu at midnight and getting down at Skudai 3am in the morning, to celebrating x'mas with sayang's family in Spore in the most Christmassy way.

X'mas eve, I used imeem to play Christmas jingles through out the night from the brother's desktop. The lights were dimmed, turkey & ham were served in most generous portion, champagne were served before and after dinner! I said, "didn't we forget to say grace?" Then everyone looked at each other... "Amituofo!"

I enjoy the company and the warm cosy feel more than the food because it was very meaty! Maybe it was the very hearty western meal for lunch, treated by myee's friend in Spore. They brought us to Miss Clarity Cafe that even have their own website! If there's one cafe here so colourful and 'girlie' I'd definitely bring my 15-year-old and 12-year-old cousin sisters! It seems every Western joint we went, there'd be Chocolaty dessert! In one short trip, I didn't have to pay for any meal at all... and get to eat what I like to eat!

What I'm most thankful for is the opportunity to visit the Nalanda Trial exhibition in the Asian Civilization Museum for free! And there was a special Buddhist guided tour by this gentleman who spoke with so 'englishy' accent but good in Chinese as well! Usually museum visit is boring to me... but this is so different! Maybe of my interest in learning Buddhist history and culture... at the room where I first saw the Buddha's relic... it just dawned on me, that's BUDDHA's RELIC?? THE BUDDHA??! (ok at this point, I thought it was the first time I saw the Buddha's relic) You know the 'rapture' feeling? Tears just trickle down... *what?! you're crying?! in public?! no no you gotta be kidding quick control!!*

I'm not sure how to explain this feeling, its like there's a strong energy or aura in the room. According to sayang, he said he could sense that there were many devas in the room! :P Anyway, moving on... we bought the souvenir book of this Nalanda Trail exhibition at $37++! Even the handbag bought at Robinson was much cheaper ler...

Alright so back to Malaysia... another xmas party with the starbugz gang on boxing day before I go on mc leave for my minor oral surgery. Gift exchange was so funny thanks to Sue's crazy idea -- you get to unwrap your gift infront of everyone and the next person gets to snatch your gift if he/she likes it! Errr... very confusing to explain to anyone. I feel sorry for snatching SF's mug... but hey it was aaron who snatched my nice porcelain tea set woh! Saved the best for last.. sayang got to unwrap the last gift (sort of least attractive present)... and aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh I want! :D Nvm surely he'll bring me along for it -- HarganDaz icecream voucher!

OK OK... now here's what I really wanna write about -- my wisdom tooth surgery. Everybody was telling me how painful it will be, and yes I've been for my first oral surgery at UPM and it was excruciatingly painful! But, I dunno if its the dentist experience or my prayer before leaving the house... the surgery was pretty smooth, the only pain was the one second anaesthetic shot and that's it! Until now, I don't feel any pain! How could this be?! Then I remember Datuk telling this to Alex Tan "you don't feel pain because you got no anger!" LOL :D

How true is this statement? I hope some one else can verify for me, that its the dentist or is it the prayer?

Happy New Year 2008 to all my friends! If you believe, let's pray or make your personal aspiration for the new year, and if you ask & believe *like attracts like* -- it will happen.

Have a merry sinful xmas!

I had such a fantastic time in Singapore for the xmas holiday, I wish to quickly blog it down before I forget. Esp on the food that I get to eat every meal. Felt so 'sinful' to be able to have so much good food to eat and its all not even with my own money!

Anyway, I'll not take too much time today as it's the only day in the week that I'll be working. Thursday I'll go for my 2nd time in my life wisdom-tooth-surgery. So all the feasting will finally end tonight, with my last round of coconutsteamboat xmas dinner before I go on my numb-spell for the rest of year...

Well, watch out for my fotopages or even story that I'll post in incovar blog!

My eccentric brother (not again!)

A weird self boast read ~ I am one lucky girl

I think this post is gonna be about how I should be really thankful and why I feel so 幸富. I just thought about myself as a person who can understand things (easily) and I just know of a girl who really cannot understand & see things clearly.

There was a simple sms I received from my buddy sunday school friend who asked about traditional medicine for cancer in KL. It is for her mom who's got breast cancer. I just thought how lucky my parents are... and how fortunate I am that I don't have to worry about my parents health *touchwood*. My dad smoke so much and never exercise and his belly is like 9 months pregnant, but his worst pain is "leg pain" which he'll recover in few days.

I'm also thankful that both my parents are very kind and understanding people that I could be proud of. There's another buddy sunday school pal whose very disappointed and definitely not proud of her dad. I've never had that thought before to be not proud of our parent. I'm so lucky to born into such wonderful parents that I'll never feel sorry for parents. My friend's dad is such a loser even I wish I can try to help or change him, but according to my friend its impossible.

How karma really works? Of course I have many friends who are like me, who have wonderful parents, great social life and big positive attitude towards life! It's true when some people say I seems to have nothing to worry about, and I'm such a happy-go-lucky person.

I think maybe its a whole cycle of giving and receiving. For me to be receiving the merits and blessings of my peaceful happy family, I should in turn continue my own purpose of life. To live a purposeful life, and to help people.

From finding out for people what's the latest fund price of certain fund... to telling you what sort of insurance policy you should need (if you didn't already know)... to bringing my aunty to go shopping with her kids... to doing camp feedback forms (although I really don't have to!)... to buying tickets... to listening to a mentally handicapped girl rant... to arranging things... to covering other colleagues... to just being there to assure you life is good!

I'm short of words now. My mind went off abit thinking what if I could become a nun now (cos I was sitting in the same table with 2 nuns from FGS during the bmsm dinner & they're very humble, caring & nice). What if I could just really let go of things and join a 10-days no-joker mind-silencer retreat? Suddenly a thought came by -- am I afraid of letting go of all the goodness and nice things in my life?

What if I try to live a day without any purpose...

Don't cry for me, Malaysia!

I would have become a political activist, if all you need is alot of passion and belief of what you truly believe in, then I'd really become one. To become somebody to take on the fight, the fight for people to see for themselves what this country truly means to them. Why can't they see it? (at the back of my mind, I really pity all the rural voters in this country who's putting them all in the house)

What about my own big town PJ where city-folks are supposed to be more aware of what's happening. Why hasn't it changed? Suddenly I have a thought that miss Chew accident is also part of the prophecy! Now everybody pity her. Even I feel so sorry for her, she's still in the hospital in Kuantan (she's gonna get more sympathy vote than wisdom vote for DAP). But I never voted for her and I wish to tell everyone not to vote for her, not because she's not nice and kindhearted, but because she's not representing your VOICE! You are screaming and shouting and crying... but nobody is standing up for what you want to say.

The law is ammended just like that.

They send them to ISA just like that.

But maybe, it is only me who is screaming and getting angry inside. From the Buddhist perspective -- it is supposed to be me that made me angry. I still can't tell WHY am I angry, why do I feel like shooting people who are ignorant of the policies & never care to find out .......

IS that it? People generally do not want to find out what's there to fight for. People do not want to rock the boat to keep life just the way it is. People do not like to progress further to be like other developed countries. People like to complain but do not want to change things.

I guess I can sum up my frustration over 2 types of people:
i) the truly ignorant group who's lowly educated who's thankful & happy for having little money in their pocket.
ii) the highly educated people who could have just find out more about what's truly happening & make that change but didn't bother.

Still newbie at Mindfulness Awakening

What's the meaning of Awakening? What's being mindful all about? From emo-intelligent training, to the Global Conf on Buddhism themed on 'Transforming The Mind', then came THE CAMP on 'Simple Steps of Wisdom, Journey to Awakening' & just yesterday I attended a Dhamma talk by a living example of a man with mindfulness.

It is very useful reminder, time and time again, on the benefits of practising mindfulness or just be aware. I have not much comment about the camp (better to leave it to the participants or hardworking committees to share) as I was more of trying to 'see' things. Just learn from the speakers, watch the participants, being there when I'm needed and live each day by the moment!

I sort of got 'awakened' at some point during the camp when I was idling and just watching... actually there's nothing much for me to do! I'm already exco and then chairperson... what more is there to do? With that thought, I realised my Dhamma knowledge is limited. That sometimes (or most of the time), I cannot speak like a Dhamma speaker on sharing all the concept, ideas and knowledge on Buddhism to the beginners. One participant was really confused about stuff and I couldn't really give a satisfactory answer. Why don't I resolve to just improve on my Dhamma knowledge and have more ready answers at the tip of my fingers?!!! That way I'll be really useful in helping people to clear doubts on Buddhism and what not. I'm contemplating.. hey Dhamma speakers course!!! *hahaha*

Meanwhile, on having to be reminded to be mindful, yes it's not easy. I've learnt the most powerful phrased during the camp, coined by Dr. Chan Kah Yein "don't think too much! 85% of your thinking is useless!"

Yesterday nite talk by Bhante Kovida, he said something about the state of awakening is when all the thinking STOP. There will be no "listener" and "sound" but just -- listening. There will be no "see-er" and "sight" but just -- seeing.

Fuiyo. Kaulat... for the Canadian monk who was brilliant as a child, who did well in science and maths, who chose the path to become a monk, to satisfy his search for the 'silent mind'. All his life when he was growing up, he said he "think too much" which doesn't give him happiness and peace. To really feel happy, peaceful, have loving-kindness and compassion, one's mind must be mindful and silent.

For the less than 5 minutes of 'trying' to be 'silent' at the start of his talk, I know my mind is too 'full of activity'. My eyes could not close for just 5 minutes! For that mere 5 minutes, I observed that my heartbeat was fast and breathing was very uneasy. Maybe it was right after dinner, the food is trying to settle in. Not a good idea to 'meditate' on a full stomach!

Maybe grasping for breath is due to my lack of exercise and using too energy in the mind.

Sayang also advised me to just 'be quiet' sometimes. At first I thought it's a sign of he's getting annoyed with me talking too much & being too noisy for him. But he said it is for my own good. I'm slowly grasping it... and sinking in with this important aspect of Buddhism -- mental cultivation -- to purify the mind.

It is already very easy for me to "do good & avoid evil" why not take the next step now, step up to the challenge and go on try it... practise and learn right mindfulness.

I once cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet

Before I take the time to blog about the 'yeo-ah-yeo wonderful camp', I wish pen this down to remind myself, that each time when faced with adversity esp in my worklife -- be humble. I had this opportunity to meet up with a brave young girl suffering from celebral palsy, a USM graduate and a finalist for a reality-tv show on tv9 for disabled people in the country. She's currently teaching computer-skills to children at the Penang Spastic Centre.

I felt so overwhelmed when she told me that she was from the Science stream in her STPM. Something which I didnt do. I'll never know how difficult STPM science stream is like, for I was so 'lucky' to get into a degree course thru a 1-year diploma (way too inferior for STPM standard).

She graduated with a degree in social science, and she can speak fluent English very slowly. She takes her time to walk and write. Mentally she's just like any other young lady who have goals in life and have wishes waiting to be realised.

When I first met her at the hotel room where she was staying (Sunday night), she was alone. As she opened the door and tried to step back she almost lost her balance. It was the first time I saw her and I felt a lil silly myself for not understanding a disabled person better.

When I arrived at the lobby, I called her to come down to go for a drink but she talked me into coming up to the room first. Only after meeting her for the first time did I realise how foolish I was: for her to walk all the way from her room to the lift, and press the button by herself, and coming out from the lift slowly and walking all the way through the lobby hall.... its gonna be very challenging for her. Anyway, I didn't ask further about going out for a drink, just being there in the hotel room and getting to know her better... has impacted my attitude towards life (for the time being.. until I lose my memory of this rare moment).

I've always being a spoilt only daughter, I yell at my dad and argue with mom at home. I conveniently get other people to do things for me even for the simplest thing like getting a ribena to drink. I'm not disable and I do not have a speech problem but I took things for granted. I complain that I have 'siu-yan' at work and I never send any love towards my colleagues.

I must be humble. If I were to speak like a God-believer I'd say that God created a few special people on this earth to touch our heart and to teach us to be grateful, caring and happy.