Just typical of ppl? Or its just me.

You know what I can't stand abt certain ppl, when you're lining up to pick your dish / vege, like lining up to buy 'economy-rice', the people infront of you will take their own sweet time, to pick and choose, and pick and choose, and think.. errm... put the soy sauce on the rice, then cover the egg on the rice, then put the soysauce on the egg... then since its same price wether you take 1 saugage or 3 sausages, might as well take all 3 of it.. and tell your friends about it..

and you're there standing behind - waiting. You know how fast I scoop my rice and add the telor with some ikan bilis and cucumber and pay?

The world is testing my patience.

Townhouse

Just as I thought I could never find any link for this townhouse that I viewed last Saturday, *phew* here's one. The agent have her own blog! :P(the ground flr unit we saw with hse no. 8-1)

Ok this info is also for my friend who's hoping to be my new neighbour! wakakaka... (at time of blogging, I stil don't know what's the developer name)

And why was it so hard for me to FIND any info from google?! Cos I was searching for "Merdu Impian" the name is actually "Merdu Idaman" DOH!!!

Found a link to the architect.

Basically the look & feel is cool, modern nice looking... wait until you hear this :: Maintenance Fee is rm0.15/ft2. Whoah.. like built-up of 1500ft2 is RM225!

If monthly loan repayment is RM1400, have to add another RM225 every month.

~*~

Anyway, here's some info abt townhouses ::

The fact is that there are two types of townhouse & both are on residential land :
1. without facilities
2. comes with facilities (what we saw is this!!)

(1)
- link hse bldg design
- Each lot will have two strata titles (subdivided into lower & upper unit).
- Maintenance of common areas are under Local Authorities.
- Besides assessment fee there is no maintenance fees & sinking fund
- Billing of water & elec will be just like for other houses.
- ie. Townhouse @ Hartamas, Bangsar & Sec 7 Shah Alam.

(2)
- Either link hse or apt/condo bldg design
- One block title will be subdivided into strata titles for the # of units in the development.
- Maintenance of common areas are under property mgmt.
- Maintenance fees & sinking fund are payable apart from assessment fee.
- With facilities such as security, sports, lavish soft & hardscape, etc.
- Perimeter fencing.
- No alteration to bldg facade is allowed.
- Billing of elec will be just like other houses.
- Billing of water is similar to apt/condo in which SYABAS will issue a bill on the bulk meter to prop mgmt. Subsequently, billing of household usage is done by prop mgmt based on sub-meter reading.*
- ie. Townhouse @ Sunway Damansara, TTDI & Templer Park Resort.

Can I disappear?

You know how annoying it is when my aunties are around. Mother's day dinner is just over. They are still complaining about the vege dishes esp the one the captain recommended -- green chili. Sighh... somehow I found similarity btwn D and my spinster aunts. If I can't stand my mom 5x, I think I can't stand my aunts 10x. I know I shouldn't say bad things abt my own family, but its very very very very brrrr... I'm counting the time now, see how long they're STILL going to "talk" about the "dinner" being expensive / wait too long / weird dishes / unexpected / could have gone to Kepong / should have gone to Malay restaurant.

"mj! why the room got so many mosquito?"
"what has the room with so many mosquito gotta do with me?"

"mj! where is the whiteboard? why didn't put it back after use?"
"its upstairs just bring it down" (*im physically at another far corner of the city, don't even think of asking me to come over to rescue*)

"ah joon-ah! why choose this restaurant? why order this fry green chili?"
"its not me, ask my parents."

"ah joon-ah! are you going to pay the bill? how are we going to split the bill? count by per head minus grandma?"
"my dad will pay, my mom will count."

"You buy this BodyShop gift for me, so expensive why you buy?"

(*its a mother's day gift, I know its so easy to buy u, just by buying u a gift, and don't ask me why expensive I buy??!!!?!*)

Sometimes, I do wish I can vanish from the face of this earth.

~*~

On another note, I had this visual of my own funeral, no its not a sad one, I was trying to 'scare' ppl off while lying dead in the coffin suddenly I 'awaken' and go "boo!" LOL *crazy*

Then I thought, I could not do that unless I'm not dead. Brrrr.... So anyway, first night-wake will have Theravada monks chanting, 2nd night Tibetan lama chanting, 3rd day morning Mahayana monks chanting. During the 1st night, there'll be Buddhist friends coming over to sing hymns... (I thought why is it so christian-style funeral?) but nevermind, it'll be cool to have nice sweet melodious igemz sing-along-songs, ie. my beautiful friend, blessings, thankful...

I think my parents going to go nutz over my imaginative-funeral.

~*~

I want to sort so many things out during this 2 months...
- making sure every committee do all the things they are supposed to do for idc without having me imaginatively pull my hair.
- don't lose my cool no matter what.
- aspire for capable leader(s) to emerge to carry on with the idc torch run.
- try to complete the bisds newsletter before I go Borobudor.
- try to maintain my strenght at work to solve unavoidable stupid problems before I can wholeheartedly quit.
- try to get volunteers for wiff happening in june.
- try to follow up with new bgf initiatives. (bgf yearly calendar? incovar website? D&D publicity? membership card? bunting?)
- follow up with bisds story telling, chanting, hymn singing competitions happening in july.
- organise bisds zone 7 (staff from PJ) fellowship dinner.
- go to Borobudor retreat with a peaceful mind and free heart, 2 weeks after idc.

~*~

May my heart be peaceful & free.
May my mind be happy.
May my body be healthy.
May I be well & happy.

+ve begets +ve

In this blog post after the IGC, I wanted to share something that I had no chance to ask.. well I almost wanted to ask bro WF when he was explaining how to tackle office politics... he said "Nah! May you be well and happy!"

Err... I'm not sure if I really got that. How can I taichi back to an arsehole and still say 'may u be well and happy' and mean it? Did he mean it when he said it? Dr. Ong definitely encouraged us and really want us to mean it...

Maybe I'm afterall a beginner in Metta meditation... or I've lost touch with radiating metta (to enemies), I find it so hard to genuinely imagine ^%^%$#@% of my office and smile and send metta sincerely to them. Bro THC said we should try to avoid 2-face ppl, as Buddha even said don't associate with the fools. Did Buddha also mean don't bother to send metta to fools? But we're disassociating with them... so why still bother send them metta?

Then I assess myself... and the secret work... how positive begets positive... why I don't feel / think positive at work... due to my own speech... because I've hardly give positive speech or think positively abt fools. Yes... unfortunetly I never took AT's career philosophy "never let anything happen by chance". The stupid reason that I'm staying in this company although surrounded with fools... is due to the convenient distance. Then when faced with unavoidable office politics and working alongside 2-face ppl.... I subconsciously prevented myself from having metta and peace towards all beings. I let "chance" put me in situation where I find it extremely tough to send positive vibes towads work-people. And with law of karma - what goes around comes around -- so I can't expect or blame it why other ppl always have the luck / opportunity while I don't!

If I follow the way of nature, or universal law... of positive begets positive... I must say nice things to ppl... (no matter hoooooooowwwwww HAARRRDDDDD) then more ppl will reciprocate! Even for ppl who's never met me but have to deal with me thru phone and emails... The law will conspire its forces to make me more likeable and be less of a threat to ppl... and eventually make my whole working life wonderful & rewarding!

You know all these while... all I do is to avoid shooting people... avoid saying nasty things.. controlling myself from not kutuk ppl... so it's not bad but there's nothing good! How do I learn to compliment people, how do I learn to speak with tact & empathy, how to say things that people like to hear, how to advise people nicely without making ppl deem stupid...

It's like investing in the merit-bank, I've not put in any positive merits but I also stay out of debts, which means... the merit-bank account is still zero. It's not negative neither its positive! If I wanna hope and wish and aim to be positive-energy-rich... I must invest with the right positive effort! Do more dana, speak more good words (& try to mean it)....

Bro. THC asked "at the end of the day, what do you want OUT of your life?" not so much on what do you want in life.

I guess to answer that -- that's why I am where I am today ;)

*i remember when I was young & naive, all I wanted was to become a UN volunteer, and to achieve that (coming from a middle-class family), I must work very hard to earn lotsa money to support myself when I don't get a salary in being a volunteer, enough money to support me up till old age -- so I wished I was rich*

Where is bobo?

....i was in my room, i heard my dad calling bobo... but it didn't occur to me that he's gone. Then I went downstairs... dad is still calling for bobo and the dog didn't appear... funny thing ronnie the jack russell is so quiet in the hse.

if someone went out of the hse and didn't close the gate properly, then why didn't ronnie go out?

...wherever bobo is now... may the kidnapper dun kill it and give proper care to the dog. there is no trace of bobo around my neighbourhood after 2hrs. Bobo have never gone far, bobo is a small grey hairy dog kept indoor.

MyType from facebook

Ok, i retook the facebook 'MyType' questionaire just to prove that I'm actually ENTP... so ta-daa! Here's a post for those who doesn't play facebook :P

Living
ENTPs are lively children who question established truths and norms, dream and scheme, and develop unusual ways of doing traditional childhood things. The ENTP child is oriented toward doing the unique, which may mean taking risks and outwitting parental, school, and societal authority. They enjoy creating projects and following interests that are unusual and different.

ENTP children enjoy inventing new toys, dances, and languages. Because they are outgoing in their personality style, they often engage other children in their projects and assign them particular roles to play. ENTPs rarely accept things just as they are. They like to test or explore to see new meanings and relationships. When things do not go as they want, they use their ingenuity and cleverness to bring people and situations around to their point of view.

As young adults, when ENTPs choose a career for themselves, they tend to set flexible goals that allow them to incorporate new information and accommodate to new circumstances when they come along. It is hard for ENTPs not to be able to explore the road not taken. Their byword is keep your options open. Sometimes this flexibility can look like indecision to outsiders.

As adults, ENTPs take advantage of opportunities. Because of their ability to see relationships and connections between seemingly unrelated things, they are able to realize the potential in many things. When they see and opportunity that others have missed, they set action-oriented strategies that allow them the greatest flexibility to achieve the results they want. The worst job for them is working for someone who demands considerable rule following or tries too often to tell or order, rather than make suggestions to the ENTP. Throughout their careers, ENTPs want their work to be enjoyable, with interesting possibilities for applications. Additionally, having their work widely acclaimed and accepted as a unique contribution would be highly gratifying for ENTPs. They also weave in vacations whenever possible and want a flexible work schedule.

Learning and Working
ENTPs are relentless learners. When the subject matter interests them, they are able to find meaning in whatever they are studying. Knowledge is important to them, but they may not feel the need to show this to their teachers and therefore may be somewhat lackadaisical about assignments and tests.

ENTPs use their enthusiasm and energy to get others involved in their learning. They learn through give-and-take discussions and by questioning and challenging others. They are quick, verbal, and logical, preferring to use their skills in interactions with others. ENTPs look at the logical foundations in others' thinking and build on them to develop their own conceptual systems. They want to be taught concepts rather then facts. Models are important to them. They typically absorb their teacher's material and present it in a framework that ties all of the elements together.

They like to challenge their teachers and classmates and enjoy competitive learning tasks through which they can show their conceptual versatility. They may also enjoy independent study in which they can pursue and area of interest.

ENTPs contribute and innovative, versatile, and enterprising approach to work. They view limitations as challenges to be overcome and look for new ways to do things. They need to find a niche for themselves in order to be free to maneuver. They prefer the start-up phase of a project rather than the followthrough or maintenance phase. Once the project is designed, they prefer to turn it over to someone else. They take initiative and inspire others toward greater accomplishments and challenges.

ENTPs usually find work that involves an analytical, entrepreneurial, and creative focus. They tend to tolerate ambiguity well. They want to be in situations in which they can take intellectual risks and meet challenges. To perform in their best fashion, they prefer flexibility and versatility. While they like status and titles, they ultimately want to be judged on their innovative accomplishments. They take advantage of changing circumstances and work those circumstances into their plans. As a result, they function effectively in chaotic times.

Some occupations seem to be more appealing to ENTPs: actor, chemical engineer, computer analyst, credit investigator, journalist, marketeer, photographer, psychiatrist, public relations worker, sales agent, and other occupations that allow them to be innovative.

Loving
For the ENTP, falling in love occurs when they feel that there is a good fit with the other person. Often within the first meeting, ENTPs will know whether the relationship has any real potential. ENTPs may find it difficult to commit to anyone until the right person comes along. During this period, ENTPs explore the closeness until they can be certain that they have looked at all of the possibilities. Because of this, they are not likely to settle down early. When they do become involved in a relationship, they generally want to maintain as much independence and freedom as their loved one can tolerate. Their mates may need to have high self-esteem and to be independent themselves in order to accept the ENTP need for freedom and novelty.

For ENTPs, falling out of love, which may not always occur, results when their vision of the relationship does not square with reality. Sometimes they will select someone who offers stability and comfort and ENTPs later will become bored with the stability. When scorned, ENTPs use their powerful and broadreaching analysis to explain the reasons why the relationship was not good in the first place; additionally, they may become competitive with their former partner and work hard to win. ENTPs do not like to lose at anything they undertake.

Make Time

Here's a quick sharing I would like to highlight to all who's reading this... (seriously don't know how many is reading).

This morning when I was all ready, waiting for time to pass, suddenly they told me to join in the "Interaction" session which I thought was some 'games' to play. Oh boy I was wrong, it was an inter-group sharing session and mostly were the performers of the eob4 night before. I was there to rep incovar, and that too not all of my members were there... until the end it was just me and Ev. The thing that strucked me, was what bro. OKL narrated...

He was in hospital bedridden for 2 months, and somebody asked him "how do you kill time?" He was so taken aback by that question, he really wondered why such a person would ask such a question, and esp for him, he wouldn't wanna 'kill' time!? He felt that he should "make" time even more so because of the Dhamma. *you kill time, you die faster; you make time, you live longer*

With that, he thanked everyone who esp "made" time to come and put in all the effort in making last night event a success. He also dedicated his thanks to bro Ced beside him, who painstakingly drove back & forth (having working in KL) to Melaka every weekend to coach the children. And he too have to find time and make time to practise for his performance.

Then I thought of so many other people... *ahem* that have excuse or reason for not making time. Even for my own members or even for my own life... I wish to complete that minutes that I've yet to write for last 2 camp mtg but I couldn't 'make' time. I always tend to drift off to 'forget' mode after letting time slip pass me. I've yet to make time to e-file my income tax.

No time to do many things that we could do with INCOVAR or for the youth / Buddhist community. No time to organise my sun sch pj-zone gathering. The list goes on for me & for you...

There, I was in the Interaction, listening to sharing by KK group where the members are only a few, but they make time, together with own family members, to run their choir and sunday school. They even produced their own CD with their very limited resources.

Bodhi is a mandarin based music group. They presented songs that were very 'modern' and contemporary that would appeal to any youths. I certainly think they deserve the premiership recognition in energy level, contempory approach to reaching out to youths and Dhamma propogation. They even perform their puja through MUSIC! Yes not chanting... they composed it themselves. *hand clasp*

Spore KMSPKS group as expected, shared about their major post-Wesak big scale Gratitude mix-pop-Buddhist concert. Ready with contempory-designed brochures and postcards that hopefully would appeal to youths in Spore. They have a bigger challenge - the swamped by evangelism.

I guess... while blogging this... I'm beginning to see the readiness and appeal of incovar-concept that have the be the potential to spearhead Dhamma proprogration to youths.

The future will be more bilingual than just english-speaking or mandarin-speaking. It's very unfortunate for any Chinese to ignore Chinese-language, and it's a defect for any Malaysian not to use English.

How different is everybody's mindset? We're all Malaysians who enjoying music and singing and having fun.... no matter if we're from north, south or central region... no matter if we're young or old... no matter if we're newbie or experienced in the knowledge. Dhamma ultimately will be understood and be helpful to all beings.

..where was I....?... hmm... incovar... premier... inspiring...contemporary... I'd love to walk the talk, to be part of the synergy & the team to make it possible.

How to "make" time?

I'm actually ENTP?!

So what's the big deal about ENTP, well first up, I thought I was "S" but turn out the result from the test shows that my score for "N" is higher. Well actually I am both.. that's why my contradictory nature! Why sometimes people find it difficult to understand me.

Check this out from the web, I found...

Life as an ENTP (Extravert, Intuitive, Thinker, Perceiver)
People of this type tend to be: friendly, charming, and outgoing; quick-witted, energetic, and irreverent; ingenious, imaginative, and creative; curious, flexible, and unpredictable; logical and analytical.

The most important thing to ENTPs is being creative, seeing possibilities, and always having new challenges.

How to Love an ENTP
- Appreciate my perceptiveness and original insights.
- Encourage me to spend time with people and be free to respond to spontaneous opportunities.
- Listen to me talk about my ideas and brainstorm with me.
- Be willing to debate and discuss ideas.
- Try not to nag me about small things or about being too messy.
Above all - respect my competency and need to constantly take on new challenges.

I wish I know if he's ISFJ or ISTJ...

To lead or not to lead

This was written somewhere in March but dare not publish it... but anyway, after the rtb session, I thought why not. It's ok share about what's inside me?

~*~

There are private things that I wish to write but I can't write it to myself like writing to my secret diary because I need somebody to eventually discover what I had written. [deleted]

It's more about my life and where I wanna be. I don't see myself being a visionary and a good inspiring leader where I can really motivate everybody in a group without having to dedicate so much time to train the people. I'm not sure why sayang would say I am a leader but I am certainly not a trainer. For a start, I am not very good in anything - jack of all trade master of none. I can do a little bit of this and that, and generally know how most things work. To be a trainer, I need to be good at something and train the people in the subject that I know best. Sadly, I'm not a specialist. Maybe at work I can give IT system training to onsite engineers, that's it.

So that leads me to this group, where I feel putting a person like me as exco doesn't do justice to the big leadership role of an exco. There will be people who can talk with vision and strategy, and always striving to improve and conceptualize... but these people are not executioners (like me) who probably not be effective in getting things done at the right time. Although a very effective person that I am, I don't seem to get things done which could add value to each individual whose associated with me.

The contradicting me is actually toying with the phlegmatic vs choleric approach. I can choose to let it be, don't care about how things will turn out for INCOVAR in the future when I'm not involve in leadership role, I'm not even bothered about advisory role. But on the other hand, I want standards to be there, to having younger people to take over and do things with same passion/quality if not even better... if I left them be and they drifted apart -- I hate to see that. Why should I hold that responsibility to ensure their raft is on course? For an organisation to remain strong and grow, it is wise to keep up to the VMGO and philosophy.

Question is how? How when I'm growing older and don't feel like being bounded without a choice to be stucked with pulling all the rafts? What if I let go of the rafts one by one? Some of them don't even know how to swim... some love to play with the raft... some don't care where the raft floats to... some don't mind exploring on their own since they think they know how to raft...

There's this comment from one of the team member, he raised that I should improve on my leadership skills so that with better leadership skill, the team would be more inspired to follow my example, be guided and learn from me... so that in future they too will become leaders when they're ready. Yes there's truth in what he's saying.... question is why should I? Will me becoming a really inspiring motivational leader, turn a follower into a leader?

I come from a cunning pathetic IT world. To be a teamlead or manager, one cannot just follow and expect to learn how to be a teamlead or manager in future. It just comes to you, when karma ripens. I feel all leaders stem from the intention or will in within them that they want to lead, and no matter how much training or effort that the manager would put in to push / motivate / inspire the follower -- would be wasteful. For how long should we wait for / train / guide a follower to be ready to be a 'leader'?

I wish to move on with my life, hopefully with sayang to share my life with, and just live. It's so ideal if life does't require me to change... But society strive for improvement and development. Every single human is always asking for more work / things / salary / experience / knowledge... yet here I am asking why should I go with the flow to develop myself, to improve, to make more difference in other ppl's life...

What happen to my backpacker dream of just being. Just take the camera and start shooting the beautiful images of the world and freeze the moment. Moment is always passing by.

I think I'm happier now... after writing this. Don't think so much. When I'm in the 'just being' mode and freezing the moment - im actually not thinking. That's how I'm remembering so vividly the sights and sound and smell of Venice in Italy right now.

Tears... Energy... Letting Go...

It's been a really overwhelming week. I can't understand why, but it just happened. Can you imagine that I cried in Starbucks? D'oh! I know if you were to come out from the cinema with a teary eye and runny nose -- still acceptable, I got used to it. Ooohh.. remember another odd weird situation, during vocal class with a bunch of gals, when music teacher taught us that magical song "Rainbow Connection" and when she suddenly said those unexpecting words, my tears just instantly without control came out!

The latest of the crying spree is during Metta meditation tonight. I think it's the first time I sat through the whole session until finish, but I had to get up & tip-toed to the toilet at the back... to clean up my soaked face. Metta is not sad? Metta is not heavy and emotion-wrecking?! What's gone up inside my heart...

What I can relate to now is that the past week was about my appraisal (that didn't happen). I was raging inside at one point, when my teamlead shot me for a stupid mistake that I couldn't take it. All I wanted to proof to her is that I am capable and smart. But she's a stress-pot. She is what UPM'er would call her "spoil the market". She is superbly capable of doing magic with MS Access and can out-smart me at some point. The challenge is on to live up to her expectation, my teammate is probably not bothered with this game but I care to proof my existance. I wanted to shoot her back but I can't. At work all the energy is imploding (is there such a word?!)... I can't out-talk them because they have all the excuses in the world to shoot you.

Write a simple email to the other team pointing out that they didn't do a proper job could backfire, when my teamlead think I jump the gun too fast. The other team will use my email to show the biggger boss up their and somehow find another way to shoot back my team. You know how energy draining is this type of stupid bullshit politics that everybody is pretending that it don't exist? I blunted told off (thru im) my teamlead that I'm not afraid of the other team, if I didn't do anything wrong. Bring on the big boss to talk to me if need be.

You do this -- u kena. You dont this -- you're not proactive. I can vividly remember my appraisal last year "she is a girl who work hard but she need to learn to work smart". What does it really mean? To out-smart other ppl who have ill intention towards you? Why can't I express my fire inside me when dealing with work people. Why do I need to radiate Metta to these asshole sitting same row as me. When will be the day that I can give them a piece of my mind!

There's no opportunity to feedback what I think abt them. The one way is during this closed-door appraisal, which my teamlead wouldn't really spend too much time on it. She'd just ask other ppl to rate me and she'll copy that answer.

Having said all that, my one and only teammate is one idiot that is the same team with me that I have no choice but to form alliance with. He don't care about appraisal bullshit and he could even suggest that we do appraisal together with our teamlead to save time (since she's so busy). I stare back at him -- d'oh!

I can pack just pack and leave... what's stopping me? *phlegmatic side of me*

Right now my teamlead is on a week long training, she didn't tell us what training she's going for. I told her abt intention to go for TechEd, no reply yet. I didn't wanna tell the idiot who'll surely ask to go along if I'm going knowing very well only one of us can go at any one time.

On one hand I'm feeling choked by her but I also pity her. How can she live such a pressurized life and having 2 toddlers at home to care for? I think I'll choose spending more time with my love ones rather than pushing so hard at work. Unless she have this switch button in her body and brain, that once she get home she's not affected by work pressure at all?

I don't know what kinda life they have... I see myself as having so much more in life than just drowning with work. That's why to leave or not to leave is not a question. I just wish my work life can adapt to my happiness level. I wanted to suggest to boss, to ask the most simple basic question for annual survey or appraisal "how happy are you at work?"

How nice if there's a rating for "employee's happiness level" for all the companies that I can potentially join, then I'll know which one to go to definitely.

So... started this post abt letting out of emotion, actually I thought I might scare ppl off if I simply just cry. But that's how I am inside, pressured with emotion, passion and energy inside, just a trigger could explode it.

I must always tell myself -- forgive and let go...