I'm not sure if its in-born, if so then that's like trying to give myself a lame excuse. I'm aware that I could say things that could easily slip my tongue and land myself in hot soup. How many a times have I encountered this situation, but point is I dont feel sorry!!!
What is wrong with me, why am I made of heart of a rock?! So solid I cant bend it to say sorry, even for the sake of saying sorry knowing it would probably ease the tension. But then I what if I really dont feel / mean sorry, why say it?!
*phew.. somebody bang me. If would I were to think it from another way, like thinking that it is culturally a right to do, that it is only proper, to just say sorry!
Gee... actually I can go on writing, if I were to see things from my own stand, that if I'm not sorry, I wont or I just couldn't say it! Ever heard of 'sorry no cure'? Does it really helps you hate me lesser if I were to say sorry to you, when you know I'm not sorry? Or maybe I just have to be tactful and just say sorry and make it as if I mean it! Bleeghh... such a tall order.
Why am I so mean!?! Eventhough I see this rudeness / stubborness / pain-in-ass in myself I dont bother to change it, or it never occured that I must do something about it! Each time when people are offended by me, instantly I think "that's your problem, like it take it, dont like leave it".
Then I'll be considering whether if its really an excuse, or am I really such a conceited person that I just have to acknowledge it as part of who I really am! Stubborness, something I had a major problem with and when I prosed that problem to a Whispers-From-the-Heart session, the comments given by Datuk himself is to my wide-eye amazement!
Stubborness something also I inherit from both my mom and dad. The more I 'dare' my mom, the more she'll do it. I lose to her. She made fun of me in public, I replied her in public "Say louder lah!"... that's it. Maybe I'm resembling my mom cronic stubborn I'm-always-right character!
*aaaikkss!! Is that it?! That's why... yeah, how easy blame it on my parents for my own flaws? I really can accept myself totally with all my bad and good side, hence its really hard for me to be sorry / to change.
Yet change is good! The only constant is change they say... And say sorry is the right thing to do. *iiisssshhhh... enuff of babbling with myself.
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