Is it because I'm too 'chinchai'... anything goes. Somebody said, to consider accepting a new job offer, I should think about whether I'll be happy there. Then I was wondering, my strenght is I am adaptable to new environment, but of course if people keep smoking around me I'll choke to death. Also, I feel happiness is not factored externally, I believe my happiness is what I can be contented with what I have & when I can be proud of who I am.
Last night show on new FRIENDS, saw Monica who was trying to beat the 'last year' me, where she's going to compete between 'me' and 'myself'. Oh my god, I thought I am as crazy as Phoebe, (though I like Rachael's hair the most), but I was alot like Monica for yday's show! Her veins were showing when she got mad, and she's so obsessed of being 'better' or atleast to prove to herself she is 'better'. Oh my god... think my circle of friends would be scared of me the way joey, rachael, ross and phoebe were afraid of monica!
I will always remember clearly, the great movie Initial D, where the prostitute gf of TokHoi told him during one of their lakeside stroll.. "you have to find something that belongs to your world, and after you've found that something belonging to your own world, then life would be meaningful."
That message should be said to all youths of today who get so clueless or choked up with life. I know I have roughly sorted out what I want, just a problem of first getting the vehicle before I can start moving. There are many ways to get through a journey, but it would be good to smell the beautiful flowers along the path, enjoy the bright sunny weather, bring along my camera to snap nice pictures wherever I may be, until I've reached my destination.
Oh great, now the destination is not the point then. As the journey is more important than the destination. So that's how I'll be... live life.
4 comments:
sometimes i felt like you. and i still do. i feel i'm gambling away my life too. i know what i want, but sometimes i felt lost.
you're absolutely right that youth today should get the message by Tok Hoi's pros gf. she's so right, but in real life, it's not easy to find where we belong in life. even if you found it, it's not easy to live it.
a lot of things happens in life, we have no control over it. natural disasters. human behaviour. hey, you can control and stop someone from smoking!
taht is why sometimes i feel i'm gambling my life, cos sometimes, i just go with the flow. i don't like 9 - 5 jobs. no! not becos i'm lazy. i just don't like to be bounded by rules and regulations, and being monitored. i treasure freedom, and i often strive under pressure, without the needs to report to someone.
i did well during my secondary school time organizing activities. why? becos i'm the president, and people report to me, and do what i want to do. that's the kind of freedom that i treasure. not laziness.
i'm doing ok with my job. i graduated with my heart filled with enthusiasm and hope. now, it's left with less than half. becos i realise that a lot of things, i can't control, and i need to "look at ppl's face"when doing things. i became "chin-chai", just like you.
being cincai is ok, but it's definitely no good. that's why sometimes i felt i'm putting my life in a gamble.
don't be too adaptable. a little bit of stiffness won't hurt. besides, Buddha says we should walk the middle path.
i think your problem here is you're too cincai. becos i'm facing the same problem with you. now i'm trying not to be too cincai. try to have an opinion on something. "hey, you think blue is nice?" "nah...i hate blue..it sucks..try the red color one..it's nicer...red..prosperous color ler.."
sometimes, me being cincai also it's becos that certain things does not matter to me.. hehehe...
try to look at things at a more critical point of view...then won't feel like your life is a gamble!
aaron..
but i dun feel like 'gambling away' my life. Live life like a gamble != Gambling away life.
Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. U gotta think positive when you gamble right, but if you know your chances of losing is high, dont place your bet! Still gotta 1st apply some form of strategy.
Even if u lose, still my point is ENJOY THE GAME! 5th precept say dont get too 'addicted' to gambling, so I guess its so true. To live life in a balanced way, walk the middle path.
Errm.. being too 'chinchai' also helps tradeoff with me being too calculative/kiasu! Haha...
I care, and I dont care. *phew...
i think my gambling away life is equal to your live life like a gamble...maybe i use the wrong sentence.. :p
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