http://jasonaish.blogspot.com/2004/09/to-mend-broken-bridge.html#comments
... saddest post i read..
http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=leonglilli&tab=weblogs&uid=190491103
... probably even crying to read the above... leonglilli is my friend
i knew from driving lessons, and i so wish that i can message her and
just say hi. I still have her contact in my mobile. I went to Lilli's
church before to watch a musical Xmas concert, when she invited me, both of u and J didn't wanna go. Situation like these, J do not remember, where I did not have anything against Christianity, I as a Buddhist since birth, will so happily accept invitation to go to Church, watch a play, keep silent when everyone started praying to their God. In Buddhist teaching, we never 'reject' other people religion. I've been living with Christians relatives / cousins as long as i could remember.
it's just uneasy to feel that people think of me as a bigot (only
think my religion is right and u are wrong).
i just want u to know more about me, if u didn't already know. its
just funny how people think I have a problem with religion or race. A
nationalist like me, who dreams for bangsa Malaysia, who fights for
all races to be united at heart. I guess u know i can talk alot about
my knowledge of politics and what I wish to change for Malaysia.
Maybe becos I stand strongly in upholding the Chinese tradition, becos
I am afterall a Chinese, and I will never forget that my greatgrand
father came from China, from the Teochew clan, had 2 wifes, many
children, and my grandfather was the 1st son, and all the granduncles
stayed together in the same house in the olden days. Just becos I am
"proud" to be a Chinese, or I "represent" Chinese, doesn't make me
rejecting of other races. I am still ashame I cannot speak / write
fluent Chinese.
I strongly feel that you must learn your roots, where u come from, how
did your family begin, our did your community come together, how did
our ancestors suffered during The Revolution. With your knowledge and
understanding of WHAT / WHO you are, you "represent" your trueself,
and become the ambassador for your culture, your identity, your values
and reach out to other people. If you are "ashame" of your background,
how can other culture/race/tradition of people respect you?
A united Malaysia, is not one that merely "tolerate" each other, or just a society where people just pretend to be united in the heart. We have to first KNOW ourselves, who are we, where we come from. THEN learn about other people, and (keyword) "accept" other people whoever they are no matter how different they are, without the intention of converting / changing other people's beliefs / culture / tradition. No one system / culture / race / religion is right.
This is my ambitious stand. I can feel what Lim Kit Siang is fighting
for. I was proud of how Lim Guan Eng who went to jail for 2 years, lost
his lawyer permit, just to "defend" a Malay girl. Karpal Singh faught
so hard for the release of Anwar Ibrahim.
Can you see where I am coming from? Did you notice I liked to learn
about other people's culture while I was travelling in Europe? I used
to have penpals even from Africa, South American, Asia, Europe.. for
all my character that I represent... you think I am so "dai bi" to
worry about Jason being Indian? (I felt abit disappointed u 'thought'
I was affected by race, but I am really hurt by ur friend who doesn't
know me at all, she doesn't know who I am, what I represent, and most of all, she doesn't even know who she is - not until after her 24 years of living / after Jason came into her life).
In all my counselling training experiences (through being camp
facilitator and being a sunday school teacher), I've learnt one
important lesson in life - what people want in life? Is pure simple
happiness. Very simple answer, I tried to "test" ur friend before, but
she couldn't find that answer. I hope she 'found' the answer now, with
Jason. But think wisely, one day what if Jason died (choi touchwood)?
Will she go and kill herself to be with him, and be together with him
in heaven? Potentially, you may never know, that is the intensity that
any outsider can "see". Look at ur sister and her husband, or any
other couple you witness yourself, are they are so "intense" or as
"sacrifying" as Jasonaish? But anyhow, this question is not important.
The basic question is, understanding the nature of the person inside
you, and understanding the people around us.
How else can we "understand" people if not for asking? observing?
seeing? ... maybe calling or chatting.. emailing?
I hope I'm not boring you to death. You are afterall, a close friend.
You will finish reading my crap. I havent even crap anything about
stuff that u never know about me!
haha.. happy CNY!!
Saturday, February 05, 2005
From Joon to YT#2
http://jasonaish.blogspot.com/2004/10/splish-splash-ploop.html#comments
http://spirituallyspeaking.blogspot.com/2004/11/its-just-part-of-it.html#comments
http://spirituallyspeaking.blogspot.com/2004/11/one-thing-always-leads-to-another.html#comments
above few are important posting which means alot to me... i just dont
want this type of suffering going on... it can be avoided... in my
family, i could have solve it.
even my uncle's relationship with his wife, I wish i can solve,
they're not talking to each other, but I couldn't do much, except for
just being there if they need me to fix their computer. Their problem
is also due to 2 people very stubborn, nobody want to 'give in'. It is
very lame! Husband and wife loves each other, but as they grow older,
they talk lesser and they start to become distant. Father wants to be
strict with the only son, mother gives son total freedom. Becos of
their spoilt son, they both live in a hell in the same house. My
family has been the 'helpful' family for many relatives in the past,
and now trying our best to help this uncle. It's not my fault that I'm
'busybody', its just that my family upbringing has made be become
"associated" with many people's business. My MOM went to extend to
help my dad's physchotic cousin sister who has nobody to turn to except
come to hide in my family, and we try to contact her family and teach
them to forgive each other. Why should my mom care?
i am who i am, and when people call me 'pat' ... do u know what it
feels inside? That I have to tell myself that I shudn't "care" ? Maybe
there is a thinline btwen being "pat" and sincerely "care". But who
draws that line? who defines that line? Isit me? God? other people?
Mother Theresa, she is my hero, although a devoted Catholic, pledging
her life helping people in India.
waiting for ur reply.. very sien nothing to do, so i like to share
with u my feelings / thoughts.
I tend to use both the heart and head to feel and think, at the same
time, that's why it's not easy to understand me, as I am both a
thinker and a feeler.
http://spirituallyspeaking.blogspot.com/2004/11/its-just-part-of-it.html#comments
http://spirituallyspeaking.blogspot.com/2004/11/one-thing-always-leads-to-another.html#comments
above few are important posting which means alot to me... i just dont
want this type of suffering going on... it can be avoided... in my
family, i could have solve it.
even my uncle's relationship with his wife, I wish i can solve,
they're not talking to each other, but I couldn't do much, except for
just being there if they need me to fix their computer. Their problem
is also due to 2 people very stubborn, nobody want to 'give in'. It is
very lame! Husband and wife loves each other, but as they grow older,
they talk lesser and they start to become distant. Father wants to be
strict with the only son, mother gives son total freedom. Becos of
their spoilt son, they both live in a hell in the same house. My
family has been the 'helpful' family for many relatives in the past,
and now trying our best to help this uncle. It's not my fault that I'm
'busybody', its just that my family upbringing has made be become
"associated" with many people's business. My MOM went to extend to
help my dad's physchotic cousin sister who has nobody to turn to except
come to hide in my family, and we try to contact her family and teach
them to forgive each other. Why should my mom care?
i am who i am, and when people call me 'pat' ... do u know what it
feels inside? That I have to tell myself that I shudn't "care" ? Maybe
there is a thinline btwen being "pat" and sincerely "care". But who
draws that line? who defines that line? Isit me? God? other people?
Mother Theresa, she is my hero, although a devoted Catholic, pledging
her life helping people in India.
waiting for ur reply.. very sien nothing to do, so i like to share
with u my feelings / thoughts.
I tend to use both the heart and head to feel and think, at the same
time, that's why it's not easy to understand me, as I am both a
thinker and a feeler.
From Joon to YT#1
october 17th 2004
i read everything in her blog. and there's a difference between all 3
of us. I too can write alot, but i cannot bring myself to share my
'feelings' so openly like that. infact i wonder if she knows that im
reading her blog.
she becoming a christian is so certain, even before i stop talking to
her. when she used to come online, and when i asked about what she
believes in, and she said "let me find my own solace" - back then i
found, she's learning alot of christianity from jason (that time maybe
not yet paktoh seriously), and finally she's a full-fledge baptised
christian, without her parents knowledge.
read one blog, she's "afraid" to let her parents know that she is a
'christian' now. there are many things her parents dunno about her.
in my opinion, i honestly do not have any business to do with her, but
as a chinese, or as asian, or as what my parents / sunday school
taught me, parental blessings is bliss.
marriage indeed is a wonderful thingy, but without parents blessing,
it's nothing, its a shame. watch tv, and u'll know even in western
culture, the father of the bridge has to 'hold' the hand of the
daughter and lead her down the aisle to give the hand in marriage to
the groom.
its not my business, i know. but in my heart, i really hope to see her
parents accepting her and dont force themselves to be in 'denial' of
the future infront of them.
she has already got her keys to her apartment with jason. they have
plans for their own life ahead. all these her parents either 'do not
want to know' or 'do not care'.
if I didn't come from a family where family integrity / values are so
highly important, I wouldn't want to get involve. my father has
honestly told me that he has to "approve" my potential boyfriend first
before I can pak toh. And I think I just have to live with that, as a
daughter.
it was partly J's parents fault, in my opinion, not to have 'rules'
with her before she started off. It is too late now to 'avoid' the
matter and unaccepting.
sometimes, you can "see" things happening, when u care enough, or if
you're aware of things. Back in those days, when I see "jason" calling
her nonstop everynight for hours after midnight, daily without fail -
trouble. But her parents did not bother. I as a non-family member
could not do anything.
even her own sisters do not agree with J and hardly talks to her, and
they secretly wish her sister breakoff with her bf. But it's too late
now, back then they know their sister "boil porridge" on the phone,
they dont worry, becos they "thought" he was a chinese.
of cos religion and race, do not really matter if every party is
understading. Which i know my dad doesn't have a problem with, unlike
J's stubborn father.
the fact is that, J parents are devoted Mahayanese Buddhist, eat
vegetarian, go temple everynight, even pray infront of their alter
before they sleep - these "devoted buddhist" have to accept their
daughter becoming "devoted christian" - not easy rite? Becoming a
Christian is not a bad thing, if Christians are accepting of other
people, and do not try to 'convert' non-Christians. It is their
"kindness" and their love for God that they try to 'save'
non-believers.
My friend Daniel, a strong Christian, has honestly said he will only
marry another Christian, becos only together as Christians they can go
heaven together. So I can only imagine, if a Christian really loves
somebody, he/she will SURELY wish for that somebody to go heaven with
him/her.
well.. so much for now. what is ur opinion really... to say that she's
speaks about God is just a 'fact' not an opinion. u can "try" to share
ur feelings with me, maybe I am that busybody, or maybe I really want
to know, maybe it hurts, maybe it's unfair... somehow when I get close
with people, I will try to get to know the real person inside.
sometimes, i wish to become a physchologist.
i read everything in her blog. and there's a difference between all 3
of us. I too can write alot, but i cannot bring myself to share my
'feelings' so openly like that. infact i wonder if she knows that im
reading her blog.
she becoming a christian is so certain, even before i stop talking to
her. when she used to come online, and when i asked about what she
believes in, and she said "let me find my own solace" - back then i
found, she's learning alot of christianity from jason (that time maybe
not yet paktoh seriously), and finally she's a full-fledge baptised
christian, without her parents knowledge.
read one blog, she's "afraid" to let her parents know that she is a
'christian' now. there are many things her parents dunno about her.
in my opinion, i honestly do not have any business to do with her, but
as a chinese, or as asian, or as what my parents / sunday school
taught me, parental blessings is bliss.
marriage indeed is a wonderful thingy, but without parents blessing,
it's nothing, its a shame. watch tv, and u'll know even in western
culture, the father of the bridge has to 'hold' the hand of the
daughter and lead her down the aisle to give the hand in marriage to
the groom.
its not my business, i know. but in my heart, i really hope to see her
parents accepting her and dont force themselves to be in 'denial' of
the future infront of them.
she has already got her keys to her apartment with jason. they have
plans for their own life ahead. all these her parents either 'do not
want to know' or 'do not care'.
if I didn't come from a family where family integrity / values are so
highly important, I wouldn't want to get involve. my father has
honestly told me that he has to "approve" my potential boyfriend first
before I can pak toh. And I think I just have to live with that, as a
daughter.
it was partly J's parents fault, in my opinion, not to have 'rules'
with her before she started off. It is too late now to 'avoid' the
matter and unaccepting.
sometimes, you can "see" things happening, when u care enough, or if
you're aware of things. Back in those days, when I see "jason" calling
her nonstop everynight for hours after midnight, daily without fail -
trouble. But her parents did not bother. I as a non-family member
could not do anything.
even her own sisters do not agree with J and hardly talks to her, and
they secretly wish her sister breakoff with her bf. But it's too late
now, back then they know their sister "boil porridge" on the phone,
they dont worry, becos they "thought" he was a chinese.
of cos religion and race, do not really matter if every party is
understading. Which i know my dad doesn't have a problem with, unlike
J's stubborn father.
the fact is that, J parents are devoted Mahayanese Buddhist, eat
vegetarian, go temple everynight, even pray infront of their alter
before they sleep - these "devoted buddhist" have to accept their
daughter becoming "devoted christian" - not easy rite? Becoming a
Christian is not a bad thing, if Christians are accepting of other
people, and do not try to 'convert' non-Christians. It is their
"kindness" and their love for God that they try to 'save'
non-believers.
My friend Daniel, a strong Christian, has honestly said he will only
marry another Christian, becos only together as Christians they can go
heaven together. So I can only imagine, if a Christian really loves
somebody, he/she will SURELY wish for that somebody to go heaven with
him/her.
well.. so much for now. what is ur opinion really... to say that she's
speaks about God is just a 'fact' not an opinion. u can "try" to share
ur feelings with me, maybe I am that busybody, or maybe I really want
to know, maybe it hurts, maybe it's unfair... somehow when I get close
with people, I will try to get to know the real person inside.
sometimes, i wish to become a physchologist.
From YT to Joon
Dear Joon,
After reading her blog only one thing in my mind she really can write! i notice the words that she use is so beautiful. i can never write down my feeling as she does. i really amaze on the word she used. i think writing blog / journal is one way of letting you feeling goes.
i want to ask since when she becomes christian?? she praises a lot of god and thanks god f so many things and she can related almost eveything with god.
my opinion at the moment.
After reading her blog only one thing in my mind she really can write! i notice the words that she use is so beautiful. i can never write down my feeling as she does. i really amaze on the word she used. i think writing blog / journal is one way of letting you feeling goes.
i want to ask since when she becomes christian?? she praises a lot of god and thanks god f so many things and she can related almost eveything with god.
my opinion at the moment.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Happy Birthday to 3 different people!
1. Its aabubba a.k.a Asim.Afzal birthday, a really pain-in-ass insulting netpal who's also nice enough to send me postcards from all the places he'd been! :) Kind enough to want to host me if I do make it to visit Boston / New York someday, and wonder if that pact still stay? ;-p Hopefully it'll be on for a really long time, as I seriously cannot afford to pack and leave right now.
There will be a MAS Travel fair (last year that's when I really bought my ticket to Amsterdam at an unbeatable bargain) coming in February! Ahem... trying to avoid the question when being asked "so this time where are you going to go?". Wah... only Salim my ex-colleague could relate to that intriguing question! Who knows? By February 19th, I would be strong enough, to jump up on my head, and head on to the fair, and book a flight to Cambodia?! I dunno, pls dont scare me now.
Am hoping if I could fit in the Buddhist Youth Exchange (for below 25) in July this year, to JAPAN!!! Ahem... *cough *cough *cough. I dunno. Dont look at me. Am still 25 until September. Still considered a 'youth' in Europe ;P.
2. Aish or J? Enuff said. I still do and will always remember her birthday. How could I ever forget? You tell me.
3. Jann, she's Yong Tien's closest friend now I guess. Nothing much to say about her, except she's really really helpful to Yong Tien. Sometimes I just wonder how an Aquarius and a Virgo could spark it off so wonderfully in the beginning! I mean, I dare not imagine what will become of Jann and YT's friendship in the long future. Certainly they both find peace-loving, long-lasting, understanding friendship.
There will be a MAS Travel fair (last year that's when I really bought my ticket to Amsterdam at an unbeatable bargain) coming in February! Ahem... trying to avoid the question when being asked "so this time where are you going to go?". Wah... only Salim my ex-colleague could relate to that intriguing question! Who knows? By February 19th, I would be strong enough, to jump up on my head, and head on to the fair, and book a flight to Cambodia?! I dunno, pls dont scare me now.
Am hoping if I could fit in the Buddhist Youth Exchange (for below 25) in July this year, to JAPAN!!! Ahem... *cough *cough *cough. I dunno. Dont look at me. Am still 25 until September. Still considered a 'youth' in Europe ;P.
2. Aish or J? Enuff said. I still do and will always remember her birthday. How could I ever forget? You tell me.
3. Jann, she's Yong Tien's closest friend now I guess. Nothing much to say about her, except she's really really helpful to Yong Tien. Sometimes I just wonder how an Aquarius and a Virgo could spark it off so wonderfully in the beginning! I mean, I dare not imagine what will become of Jann and YT's friendship in the long future. Certainly they both find peace-loving, long-lasting, understanding friendship.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
~*~In Loving Memory of Tan Ho Yean~*~
(I was going through my old personal folder salvaged from my old PC and there was this html file I found, and so thankful I found it. Here it is to share it with you, if you're reading. Written in 1998 for my 1st homapage - MJ)
~*~In Loving Memory of Tan Ho Yean~*~
~*~1979-1995~*~
I must talk about how brave & strong she were in going through her most challenging life. She smiles when you visit her in the hospital, she talks about her studies when she can't get out of hospital. I can't regret over anything now, matters such as why didn't I visit her more often during her last days of her life? Why didn't I spent a little more time with her in her house?
Her mom was relating about what happened the last two days before she left this world, she was allowed to come back home after weeks & weeks at the children ward. She was partially blind when she could come home. I think Ho Yean's mummy is as strong and understanding as she is. She was in pain and she did not want to let me know she's back. So, I haven't got the chance to say my last good bye. She was admitted back to hospital when she had the worst pain, I could remember her mummy saying, "the doctor asked why so late??" Her mom being a housewife & a widow (since when Ho Yean was 4 years old) was quite furious with the remark.
It was then a Monday, Ho Yean passed away on Tuesday, (according to her mom it's on Tuesday, but from what I heard from the nurse at the hospital, it was Monday).
I don't know why, but her mom could not bring herself to call me, thinking I'll be VERY SAD..... I didn't know that she'd gone only after one week. Of course it's only naturally I cried all the way from the hospital to Ho Yean's house to visit her mom.
It was after my usual Sunday School, my mom reminded me to see my friend in need more often. So, dad drove us to University Hospital children's ward (for luekeamia patients). I just have a very funny felling as I walk all the way to Wad 6. I was very scared when I saw her name not on the board under bed #10. Mom ask where's Tan Ho Yean? The nurse replied, 'Who are you to her?'
'She's her friend', mom said pointing at me.
The nurse wasn't sure whether to tell when she look at us. Then she said those most haunting words I've ever heard in my life, "I'm sorry, she's passed away"
Those are the words that really hit hard on in my heart. I could manage to say a few words of blaming mom of not coming earlier, the nurse said, there's no point to argue.
We left in building in total remorse & shock. Silence all the way until we went up to daddy's car. While waiting for dad to pick us up, sitting at the roadside, that's when my tears finally fell.
I just would like to let you know, I had a friend, who laughs a lot & dedicated in her work, yet having to suffer. She comes to my house by bus, go for tuition & lived a normal life, having to walk about bald. She'd always believed that one day she might be cured, even until the last moment. That's why she never gave up on her studies. We try to do our Form 3 projects together even when we're studying in a different school.
From her way of facing life, I didn't have to treat her like some one who'd really sick. That's why I didn't show 'special' care for her, I just treat her my best friend. Make her presents as usual for birthdays, call her every now & then, play badminton, play computer games and exchanging stamps. She gave me some really old First Day Covers. Last but not least, she insists on me having lunch in her house everytime I visit her! It was really good home cook food prepared by her mom. Some of them the Kelatanese style.
I miss her a lot. I don't think I'll ever forget I once had such a wonderful friend. I'm not sure what it means by in loving memory. The memory of our lives together will linger on. This should be a secret between me & her. But I guess it's no harm to let you all know how special & meaningful a friendship could be. I've never regretted anything & we should learn to take things easy.Understand that friends come & go, but the fond memories could last a life time. You can always say prayers for them even you're least expected to.
Thank You once again.
I've come across many meaningful poems about friends, but I think I shall quote the advice gave by the tutor of Jack (played by Robin Williams) from the movie, Jack.
It goes something like ~*~There are many stars up in the sky but very seldom we can see a falling star which disappear very fast. When it does appears on the sky, it will be the most special & beautiful star among all others~*~
~*~In Loving Memory of Tan Ho Yean~*~
~*~1979-1995~*~
I must talk about how brave & strong she were in going through her most challenging life. She smiles when you visit her in the hospital, she talks about her studies when she can't get out of hospital. I can't regret over anything now, matters such as why didn't I visit her more often during her last days of her life? Why didn't I spent a little more time with her in her house?
Her mom was relating about what happened the last two days before she left this world, she was allowed to come back home after weeks & weeks at the children ward. She was partially blind when she could come home. I think Ho Yean's mummy is as strong and understanding as she is. She was in pain and she did not want to let me know she's back. So, I haven't got the chance to say my last good bye. She was admitted back to hospital when she had the worst pain, I could remember her mummy saying, "the doctor asked why so late??" Her mom being a housewife & a widow (since when Ho Yean was 4 years old) was quite furious with the remark.
It was then a Monday, Ho Yean passed away on Tuesday, (according to her mom it's on Tuesday, but from what I heard from the nurse at the hospital, it was Monday).
I don't know why, but her mom could not bring herself to call me, thinking I'll be VERY SAD..... I didn't know that she'd gone only after one week. Of course it's only naturally I cried all the way from the hospital to Ho Yean's house to visit her mom.
It was after my usual Sunday School, my mom reminded me to see my friend in need more often. So, dad drove us to University Hospital children's ward (for luekeamia patients). I just have a very funny felling as I walk all the way to Wad 6. I was very scared when I saw her name not on the board under bed #10. Mom ask where's Tan Ho Yean? The nurse replied, 'Who are you to her?'
'She's her friend', mom said pointing at me.
The nurse wasn't sure whether to tell when she look at us. Then she said those most haunting words I've ever heard in my life, "I'm sorry, she's passed away"
Those are the words that really hit hard on in my heart. I could manage to say a few words of blaming mom of not coming earlier, the nurse said, there's no point to argue.
We left in building in total remorse & shock. Silence all the way until we went up to daddy's car. While waiting for dad to pick us up, sitting at the roadside, that's when my tears finally fell.
I just would like to let you know, I had a friend, who laughs a lot & dedicated in her work, yet having to suffer. She comes to my house by bus, go for tuition & lived a normal life, having to walk about bald. She'd always believed that one day she might be cured, even until the last moment. That's why she never gave up on her studies. We try to do our Form 3 projects together even when we're studying in a different school.
From her way of facing life, I didn't have to treat her like some one who'd really sick. That's why I didn't show 'special' care for her, I just treat her my best friend. Make her presents as usual for birthdays, call her every now & then, play badminton, play computer games and exchanging stamps. She gave me some really old First Day Covers. Last but not least, she insists on me having lunch in her house everytime I visit her! It was really good home cook food prepared by her mom. Some of them the Kelatanese style.
I miss her a lot. I don't think I'll ever forget I once had such a wonderful friend. I'm not sure what it means by in loving memory. The memory of our lives together will linger on. This should be a secret between me & her. But I guess it's no harm to let you all know how special & meaningful a friendship could be. I've never regretted anything & we should learn to take things easy.Understand that friends come & go, but the fond memories could last a life time. You can always say prayers for them even you're least expected to.
Thank You once again.
I've come across many meaningful poems about friends, but I think I shall quote the advice gave by the tutor of Jack (played by Robin Williams) from the movie, Jack.
It goes something like ~*~There are many stars up in the sky but very seldom we can see a falling star which disappear very fast. When it does appears on the sky, it will be the most special & beautiful star among all others~*~
~ahem~
ahem.. just a note to shout out that I'm too bored. Hopefully nobody is reading this. What went through my mind, alot of negatives thoughts which shouldn't appear, but if I keep suppressing the negativity, it might burst just like the pressure cooker.
I'm trying to express my not getting what I want negativity. Which is not going to be easy for anyone to help me, but only me myself can stand up for my own dignity to fight back. Atleast to fight back not to proof to myself that I'm capable and I have to have it. That's being part conceited, part being over confident. But it's good to have this mind that could be aware of the rise and fall of feelings, negative or positive, the wave of emotions, that plays trick on your mind.
Thanks to Mike for wanting to kick someone's butt. Thanks to Sze Huey for being there to hear me whining. Thanks Lilian for being her humourous self.
Brr... anyway, I'm going cut my hair, wait up for my roommate to come visit me, and just chill for the weekend. I cannot extend my shopping spree anymore, I've bought more than enough new clothes from Bangkok, I just have to make do with the emptiness inside after having so much fun last weekend.
May all beings be well and happy. Hopefully I find enough strenght to deal with my stupid PC and manage to transfer all photos & burn some Bangkok CD for everyone. Hopefully Aabubba will start talking to me minus that insult. Hopefully I find the courage the meet Sharon and Vineeta come Sunday, when I come without the 1st issue of newsletter. I so wish I could stick up to my resolution and goals. It suck to know that I couldn't live up to my own expectation!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh... yeah, the newsletter had to postpone circulation to 30th Jan, although its already being pushed forward from 15th to 23th Jan!!!
Why cant I lower down my own expectation?!!
Brr...
today post is without a title... I dunno what is really going through my mind.
regards.
I'm trying to express my not getting what I want negativity. Which is not going to be easy for anyone to help me, but only me myself can stand up for my own dignity to fight back. Atleast to fight back not to proof to myself that I'm capable and I have to have it. That's being part conceited, part being over confident. But it's good to have this mind that could be aware of the rise and fall of feelings, negative or positive, the wave of emotions, that plays trick on your mind.
Thanks to Mike for wanting to kick someone's butt. Thanks to Sze Huey for being there to hear me whining. Thanks Lilian for being her humourous self.
Brr... anyway, I'm going cut my hair, wait up for my roommate to come visit me, and just chill for the weekend. I cannot extend my shopping spree anymore, I've bought more than enough new clothes from Bangkok, I just have to make do with the emptiness inside after having so much fun last weekend.
May all beings be well and happy. Hopefully I find enough strenght to deal with my stupid PC and manage to transfer all photos & burn some Bangkok CD for everyone. Hopefully Aabubba will start talking to me minus that insult. Hopefully I find the courage the meet Sharon and Vineeta come Sunday, when I come without the 1st issue of newsletter. I so wish I could stick up to my resolution and goals. It suck to know that I couldn't live up to my own expectation!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh... yeah, the newsletter had to postpone circulation to 30th Jan, although its already being pushed forward from 15th to 23th Jan!!!
Why cant I lower down my own expectation?!!
Brr...
today post is without a title... I dunno what is really going through my mind.
regards.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
~ Unbelievable Tale of Bangkok Trip ~
How would you call a trip that was a spinoff from our last Incovar camp, with 15 people joining altogether, everyone having different expectations of the trip, and you have some unlucky ones having to go through rough times? ~ Our unbelievable tale of Bangkok Trip ~
Firstly, how could you not tell anyone, that the unthinkable thing could happen to one of the guys, of ALL the people, it happened to Alex -- I left my passport at home -- coming out from him at KLIA was just beyond anyone's imagination. After having to burn RM300 to catch the next AirAsia flight, that was NOT the end of Alex's pathetic yet amazingly true story. It was THURSDAY and of ALL the day, it was the day when major electricity power cut affected the whole country for nearly 2 hours! That afternoon, Alex was trapped inside the ERL that was supposed to send him to the airport in 28minutes, took more than 2 hours?!! I'll say -- I have no eye see --
Again he missed his flight, but this time to catch the next flight he was not penalised for the power failure. By the time we finally meet him in Bangkok it was late at night. Either he'd remember this day for the rest of his life, he'll choose to forget it completely!
In Bangkok all was not rosy, as Ann was slapped with 1000baht upon arrival for not having a Visa with her China passport How would I know she needed a Visa when the rest of us do not require. While visiting Grand Palace, the group was split into 2, one entering and one not. While me and 2 girls went loitering around the streets, we miraculousy "found" Beng Tatt who was actually lost from our group without anyone realising it until being found!
The 1st day was tiring, the 2nd day was not as exciting as it was during my 1st visit to Ayuthaya, but yet we spent the whole day hopping around, with a lunch break encounter with the most spicy Thai food of all time. I dont know what's it called, it looked like Asam Laksa but the gravy of the curry is sooooooooo spicy (is there no other word to describe something truly spicy?!) that I think that probably sparked my toilet visiting spree the next day! Here I'd like to note what Denphong said the 3 kind of weather in Bangkok, are hot, hotter or hottest! Just like how I'd relate it with the food!
3rd day -- Chatuchak Weekend Market. The weather actually turn out chilly because of the drizzle, but it doesn't help me at all, when major diarrhea striked my not-recovered-from-flu body. Need I explain the each time I had to go?! I should be thankful that Lai Tym was willing to WAIT for me queuing up at the ladies and doing my business, not just 3 times, I think I probably went 4 times in the midst of shopping along the crowded alley, with the intention to go for the 5th round but I had to rush for our next check point in Siam by 5pm!
So after Siam meet up, we had to divide ourselves into 3 taxi to head to "Vongvanij Complex" which most of them didn't get the name right. Neither did the taxis drivers. I'm the only one with the map to the complex, and YET my taxi driver was the BLUREST of all. He was scratching his head throughout, and Chin Suey infront intending to 'talk' with the non-english speaking Thai, just cracked us up so much, we all burst at the backseat. He wanted to ask if the driver thought his Hawaiian shirt is pretty!!! How do you say that in Thai?! Beats me. I lost all my sense of Thai language during this trip, I couldn't communicate with the taxi driver at all. We end up paying alot more for the taxi fair, maybe that was the trick!
The Korean BBQ dinner wasn't that fascinating for me, when I've swallowed a bottle of 'bou chai yuen' for my diarrhoea. All in all, that night I fed in 3 'bou chai yuen' and the 4th day, I skipped breakfast, due to lack of time. We had to depart for Dhammakaya at 8am after checking out from hotel. So during lunch at Dhammakaya, the food served was obviously THAI food again, and so with my growling tummy, I wallop the rice with soury Thai dishes. That's when I quickly seek for another 'bou chai yuen' and somehow, gastric pain striked!! Wow, cannot imagine what's going through inside my stomach, although I was overwhelmed with the majestic sight of the HUGE Cetiya and witnessing the grand construction of the world largest stadium surrounding the simple-design Cetiya was beyond words could describe. I just wish that one day I could be part of the aura that could spread single-mind meditation for world peace!! Soon, the day is not too far away, they're planning to house 1 MILLION meditators under one roof circulating the Cetiya.
Somehow, I couldn't "wow" as much as I'd when I see a glorious stunning sight, due to the lack of astouning architectural influence, since their focus was "simplicity" and "low maintenance". Nah, trying to build a Cetiya that could last a 1000 years didn't appeal to me. As we Buddhists should all understand, nothing is permanent, nothing last forever. Everything that was build today will one day be gone tomorrow. That is not a narrow minded concept, I'm more pragmatic than most opportunist!
Well, the farewell session at the airport took awhile to clear, as people were not moving to check in! I overspent on this Bangkok shopping trip but it was worthwhile for the experience. Now I've got new clothes for CNY drawing near, and I bought a nice embroidery handmade bag for my mom! Hopefully she'd remember she said she'd pay me back the money . AND I forgot to buy my dad his belt!! He even told me his waist size, and I saw so many belt at the market! Somehow, I just couldn't remember WHO wanted belt and why. Maybe if I could register the thoughts into my head well enough... Hopefully dad wouldn't get too sensitive for days... he'd be whining about me not thinking about him and all yeah, my 'baby' parents.
That's about it for my report from Bangkok Thailand. Am so sorry for dozing off (fishing) during the short meditation session lead by a young English speaking reverand at Dhammakaya. With that stomach and tired body, I just couldn't experience the eccentric energy that time.
Will there be a next trip with all these Incovarians?! Sure you bet -- its the experience that counts!!
*pssstt India?!
Firstly, how could you not tell anyone, that the unthinkable thing could happen to one of the guys, of ALL the people, it happened to Alex -- I left my passport at home -- coming out from him at KLIA was just beyond anyone's imagination. After having to burn RM300 to catch the next AirAsia flight, that was NOT the end of Alex's pathetic yet amazingly true story. It was THURSDAY and of ALL the day, it was the day when major electricity power cut affected the whole country for nearly 2 hours! That afternoon, Alex was trapped inside the ERL that was supposed to send him to the airport in 28minutes, took more than 2 hours?!! I'll say -- I have no eye see --
Again he missed his flight, but this time to catch the next flight he was not penalised for the power failure. By the time we finally meet him in Bangkok it was late at night. Either he'd remember this day for the rest of his life, he'll choose to forget it completely!
In Bangkok all was not rosy, as Ann was slapped with 1000baht upon arrival for not having a Visa with her China passport How would I know she needed a Visa when the rest of us do not require. While visiting Grand Palace, the group was split into 2, one entering and one not. While me and 2 girls went loitering around the streets, we miraculousy "found" Beng Tatt who was actually lost from our group without anyone realising it until being found!
The 1st day was tiring, the 2nd day was not as exciting as it was during my 1st visit to Ayuthaya, but yet we spent the whole day hopping around, with a lunch break encounter with the most spicy Thai food of all time. I dont know what's it called, it looked like Asam Laksa but the gravy of the curry is sooooooooo spicy (is there no other word to describe something truly spicy?!) that I think that probably sparked my toilet visiting spree the next day! Here I'd like to note what Denphong said the 3 kind of weather in Bangkok, are hot, hotter or hottest! Just like how I'd relate it with the food!
3rd day -- Chatuchak Weekend Market. The weather actually turn out chilly because of the drizzle, but it doesn't help me at all, when major diarrhea striked my not-recovered-from-flu body. Need I explain the each time I had to go?! I should be thankful that Lai Tym was willing to WAIT for me queuing up at the ladies and doing my business, not just 3 times, I think I probably went 4 times in the midst of shopping along the crowded alley, with the intention to go for the 5th round but I had to rush for our next check point in Siam by 5pm!
So after Siam meet up, we had to divide ourselves into 3 taxi to head to "Vongvanij Complex" which most of them didn't get the name right. Neither did the taxis drivers. I'm the only one with the map to the complex, and YET my taxi driver was the BLUREST of all. He was scratching his head throughout, and Chin Suey infront intending to 'talk' with the non-english speaking Thai, just cracked us up so much, we all burst at the backseat. He wanted to ask if the driver thought his Hawaiian shirt is pretty!!! How do you say that in Thai?! Beats me. I lost all my sense of Thai language during this trip, I couldn't communicate with the taxi driver at all. We end up paying alot more for the taxi fair, maybe that was the trick!
The Korean BBQ dinner wasn't that fascinating for me, when I've swallowed a bottle of 'bou chai yuen' for my diarrhoea. All in all, that night I fed in 3 'bou chai yuen' and the 4th day, I skipped breakfast, due to lack of time. We had to depart for Dhammakaya at 8am after checking out from hotel. So during lunch at Dhammakaya, the food served was obviously THAI food again, and so with my growling tummy, I wallop the rice with soury Thai dishes. That's when I quickly seek for another 'bou chai yuen' and somehow, gastric pain striked!! Wow, cannot imagine what's going through inside my stomach, although I was overwhelmed with the majestic sight of the HUGE Cetiya and witnessing the grand construction of the world largest stadium surrounding the simple-design Cetiya was beyond words could describe. I just wish that one day I could be part of the aura that could spread single-mind meditation for world peace!! Soon, the day is not too far away, they're planning to house 1 MILLION meditators under one roof circulating the Cetiya.
Somehow, I couldn't "wow" as much as I'd when I see a glorious stunning sight, due to the lack of astouning architectural influence, since their focus was "simplicity" and "low maintenance". Nah, trying to build a Cetiya that could last a 1000 years didn't appeal to me. As we Buddhists should all understand, nothing is permanent, nothing last forever. Everything that was build today will one day be gone tomorrow. That is not a narrow minded concept, I'm more pragmatic than most opportunist!
Well, the farewell session at the airport took awhile to clear, as people were not moving to check in! I overspent on this Bangkok shopping trip but it was worthwhile for the experience. Now I've got new clothes for CNY drawing near, and I bought a nice embroidery handmade bag for my mom! Hopefully she'd remember she said she'd pay me back the money . AND I forgot to buy my dad his belt!! He even told me his waist size, and I saw so many belt at the market! Somehow, I just couldn't remember WHO wanted belt and why. Maybe if I could register the thoughts into my head well enough... Hopefully dad wouldn't get too sensitive for days... he'd be whining about me not thinking about him and all yeah, my 'baby' parents.
That's about it for my report from Bangkok Thailand. Am so sorry for dozing off (fishing) during the short meditation session lead by a young English speaking reverand at Dhammakaya. With that stomach and tired body, I just couldn't experience the eccentric energy that time.
Will there be a next trip with all these Incovarians?! Sure you bet -- its the experience that counts!!
*pssstt India?!
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Merry X'mas & Season Greetings!
... been a nice X'mas day, went to Dr. Duraisamy's open house at her cottage liked home in downtown KL and never miss-out George's open house. Both my dad's friends. I'm blessed in a family where my parents are really warm friendly people who has lotsa friends of other culture!
... tonight I'll be waiting for my grandma's big dinner treat, because she's striked a lottery while in Taiping! :P Well, hope grandma is happy and remains happy.
... as for myself, I've wrapped presents for my 2 cousins living next door. But showering gifts for that 2 cousins isn't very effective for my Karma since they both received so many gifts already! The pink bag that I got for Emily, hope she likes it, although she's already have 1001 bags!
... ahh I'll save the 2 lil rainbow sweets that I got from SantaJyon for 2 more lil cousins tonight. Already saved 3 lil sweets for the naughty Tan kids living down by the street.
... I'm listening to a beautiful song ~ Saving all my love for you ~ by Whitney Houston, thinking of who? Hmm... nobody should know. It's been repeated many times. I've d****** a few wonderfuls songs. One is on behalf of mpnck who's crazy over Ave Maria the Wedding song! Wonder what he's gonna do with it. I did myself a favour, searching for ~ I Believe ~ by Fantasia Barrino. That is really POWDERFUL!! Not forgetting some famous inspirational songs from Sister Act2. Ahh.. remember that meaningful show? I did, sure of course I loved it!
... Oh Happy Day! Oh Happy Day!
Sincerely wish all beings well & happy. Hey forgot to mention about the Dhamma talk (Anatta) by Ajahn Brahm last night, plain but special! He answered questions about Jesus and existance of Theravada in Egypt?! Now that I'll find out more. But for the fact that it was a peaceful spiritual Christmas eve evening that I experienced, and me having Ajahn Brahm autographed his book for yours truly... ;)
.... Oh Happy Day! C'mon and talkin' abt a happy day!
With Joy, Peace & Love a.k.a Mega-Metta
... tonight I'll be waiting for my grandma's big dinner treat, because she's striked a lottery while in Taiping! :P Well, hope grandma is happy and remains happy.
... as for myself, I've wrapped presents for my 2 cousins living next door. But showering gifts for that 2 cousins isn't very effective for my Karma since they both received so many gifts already! The pink bag that I got for Emily, hope she likes it, although she's already have 1001 bags!
... ahh I'll save the 2 lil rainbow sweets that I got from SantaJyon for 2 more lil cousins tonight. Already saved 3 lil sweets for the naughty Tan kids living down by the street.
... I'm listening to a beautiful song ~ Saving all my love for you ~ by Whitney Houston, thinking of who? Hmm... nobody should know. It's been repeated many times. I've d****** a few wonderfuls songs. One is on behalf of mpnck who's crazy over Ave Maria the Wedding song! Wonder what he's gonna do with it. I did myself a favour, searching for ~ I Believe ~ by Fantasia Barrino. That is really POWDERFUL!! Not forgetting some famous inspirational songs from Sister Act2. Ahh.. remember that meaningful show? I did, sure of course I loved it!
... Oh Happy Day! Oh Happy Day!
Sincerely wish all beings well & happy. Hey forgot to mention about the Dhamma talk (Anatta) by Ajahn Brahm last night, plain but special! He answered questions about Jesus and existance of Theravada in Egypt?! Now that I'll find out more. But for the fact that it was a peaceful spiritual Christmas eve evening that I experienced, and me having Ajahn Brahm autographed his book for yours truly... ;)
.... Oh Happy Day! C'mon and talkin' abt a happy day!
With Joy, Peace & Love a.k.a Mega-Metta
Friday, December 10, 2004
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Job interview!!!!
AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! Yes am I freaking out?!! Yes, a simple thing like receiving a phone call from a lady from PWC has just freaked me out. Does that mean my hyperthyroid has made a come back?!! You know when I'm easily excited over minor stuff and get all hyperventaliting show symptom of my disorder! :P haha
OK, talk about the interview, next Tuesday! Where? I dunno, still waiting for the lady's email which hasn't arrive till now!! :( Have tried calling her back but no answer on her phone. Sighh....
Wait in anticipation, mind starts to ponder, imagination runs wild, heart starts to pump, backside starts to get itchy. Bugging friends, that's what I commonly do. If only I'm as openly crazy to my colleagues, I'd have to shout out to everyone on YM, with a status beside my name showing "AAAAAAAAAAAA INTERVIEW WITH PWC NEXT TUE!"
So, anyway... nobody is going to read this blog anywhere, cos I'm not so cranky everyone to just post up everything that goes through my adreneline?! But on ocassion like this, when I just sudden got freaked out... there u have it... my shouting on my blog! Haha...
who else didn't know yet.. opps Mudz! I just went to tell him!! haha.. I think I must be crazy to tell my OWN colleague that I'm going for interview in another big firm?! Who can be THAT nutcase - me.
Remembered I went for my 1st interview at the Petronas Twin Tower - THAT itself freaked me out so much, I wrote a bloody long email to all my coconut friends, and somehow even got backfired, for being too 'open' and stupid.
Anyway... that's just me. Oops.. who am I?! Shouldn't I be not so egoistic?! The self-centredness always backfires. Who cares anyway... Ya, that "who cares anyway" makes me soooo unappealing to mom. Issshh... running out of my initial topic. CHUP!!
Enough. Let's hope, pray, wish, aspire and TRY MY BEST!!! I believe in aspire for something. That's only the 1st step. The next step is the ASPIRE TO INSPIRE!!! Wooissh... MJ trying to inspire people! Ha!
If you believe me! ;P
LOVE & PRAYERS FOR THE WORLD UNITED!
OK, talk about the interview, next Tuesday! Where? I dunno, still waiting for the lady's email which hasn't arrive till now!! :( Have tried calling her back but no answer on her phone. Sighh....
Wait in anticipation, mind starts to ponder, imagination runs wild, heart starts to pump, backside starts to get itchy. Bugging friends, that's what I commonly do. If only I'm as openly crazy to my colleagues, I'd have to shout out to everyone on YM, with a status beside my name showing "AAAAAAAAAAAA INTERVIEW WITH PWC NEXT TUE!"
So, anyway... nobody is going to read this blog anywhere, cos I'm not so cranky everyone to just post up everything that goes through my adreneline?! But on ocassion like this, when I just sudden got freaked out... there u have it... my shouting on my blog! Haha...
who else didn't know yet.. opps Mudz! I just went to tell him!! haha.. I think I must be crazy to tell my OWN colleague that I'm going for interview in another big firm?! Who can be THAT nutcase - me.
Remembered I went for my 1st interview at the Petronas Twin Tower - THAT itself freaked me out so much, I wrote a bloody long email to all my coconut friends, and somehow even got backfired, for being too 'open' and stupid.
Anyway... that's just me. Oops.. who am I?! Shouldn't I be not so egoistic?! The self-centredness always backfires. Who cares anyway... Ya, that "who cares anyway" makes me soooo unappealing to mom. Issshh... running out of my initial topic. CHUP!!
Enough. Let's hope, pray, wish, aspire and TRY MY BEST!!! I believe in aspire for something. That's only the 1st step. The next step is the ASPIRE TO INSPIRE!!! Wooissh... MJ trying to inspire people! Ha!
If you believe me! ;P
LOVE & PRAYERS FOR THE WORLD UNITED!
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