is it really miracle?

Again i'm asked to write.. well intially to ask bhante sangahasena to write for the camp magazine. Something about rich people vs poor people. But i know he's sooo busy and probably no time to sit infront of the pc, well not that i'm that free, but i'm running out of touch with writing!

When i wanna write, i need to write there and then, if not my mind will lose track of what i was thinking inside. I wanted to write about why am i so inspired by bhante sanghasena, and what was the cause of the fund raising dinner all about, and why would i bother to take leave to go all the way up north and down south to be co-kapiya for bhanteji.

I was so tired when I reached home at 2am after taking the flight from S'pore.

I don't know what is it that bhanteji got, but when he speaks with his sincere tone of voice, it moves you until your tears also wanna keluar. One ocassion, I asked my parents to join in for a lunch (after coming back from Penang) with bhante at a vegetarian restaurant, there were a couple other friends of sayang who were asked to join in the makan. At the end of makan, bhante chup everybody and gave a speech at the big round makan table! In that short touching speech, he made me and my mom eyes red! All he did was looked into my parents and raised his left hand gestured to me and said "you have good daughter... to have good daugther you must be good parents..."

*ok writing this also my eyes red now*

That's it I couldn't control the water from rolling down my cheeks.. i had to change focus, stare blank at the ceiling, look at the wall, just switch off the mind... I don't know how he do that... but he just did it.

I listened to a couple of talks by him, its inspiring. Of course I didn't cry through his Dhamma talks, but it's really wonderful experience spending time talking with him together with sayang.

A monk with a maha-thera title, asking you for feedback for his talk. Asking you for comment about what he shared, is it good? Is it applicable to the people? Wow.. I thought only incovar camps make big deal about feedback forms. He is so unusually humble!

Once he cracked a joke with me "there are 2 types of 'chief' monks, 1 is chief, 1 is cheap... and i am cheap monk". Then he smile broadly...

I sent him off at the airport.. he walked along with his handcarry bag... I was holding my camera, trying to shoot the last picture I can shoot of him before I don't see him anymore. Everyone else had already turn around to walk towards exit, I was still there at the side watching as he go down the escalator and for a moment he turned back to wave goodbye but everybody already moved on... bhante moved on. I had to control my eyes again... I don't know why.

It is true, that when people have chance to associate with bhante, they will somehow be inspired, not truly inspired.

"Illiteracy and poverty are the biggest enemies of mankind. They must be fought and conquered at any cost. Nothing else gives me more happiness than to see the deprived children blossoming into the light of education and meditation" ~ Venerable Sanghasena.

Bro. Rasika Quek said if these words were spoken by Obama, it will be so powerful.

Right now, I'm excited about being part of the MDL... to be part of this miracle in the making!

...dreaming Bali

So busy... so many things... so many items... and all I care and wish and want and dream and desire... is a no-brainer-care-free-relaxing trip to Bali! But for THAT i need to wait more than 8 months! ISssssghhhh..... but i know 2009 will just breeze through without me realising it....

I'm enthusiastic abt the fundraising dinner on 24May... but I need to get that poster done for sun sch wesak *isssghhhhhh* and I might need to 'jaga' my class students for Wesak procession, cos the school is encouraging EVERYBODY to turn up for the procession > walk 10km around city centre holding lotus candle... as a teacher... urrrgggh.... im so no cut out to be a teacher. What can motivate me to go is probably to play with my dslr+speedlite... how to play with my camera and be a teacher at the same time?!

Well something interesting to share, about my dad... his bday is on 9th May, which means this year it falls on Wesak Day! So being the some-what spiritual dad he is, he's pledging to visit 9 temples in one holy day AND maintain vegetarian for the whole day! :D If only I can join my dad go temple hopping at his own pace.. sesuka-hati.. he's going to pop in to my mom's tibetan centre, then drop by my future-m-i-l's chinese temple, probably drop in bgf just for the baby-bathing thingy (he think bgf is not a temple), then Thai temple... If im with dad, i could have MORE chances of making good use of my dslr... but i know i'll be stucked at both bgf and bmv. The dreading part is actually the parking / jam / bare the heat... all alone, or bring along guests where I can't leave them alone.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.............. i haven't even submit my tax claim!

Blackberry.. Grooming...

I'm getting the hang on it... to carry a blackberry. No it's not exactly mine, but I'm being assigned to support it for the company. So my teammate sorta handover the blackberry-support-unit to me, and the best part > I can get connected to msn & check personal email! All through the tiny screen of the blackberry!

OK the tiny keypad is not fun, no it's not for long-winded msn chats. I get dizzy trying to concentrate my eyes on my report on desktop monitor, and fingers pressing on the tiny QWERTY pad in reply to msn msg.

Maybe its cool that I can connect with people online, while on the move in the lrt. Double cooler that the guy standing nearby was looking at me. Hmm... I think to myself, do I want to attract attention by carrying an LV bag with a great bitchy hair or by squinting my eyes trying to use a Blackberry?! Both also will cost alot to me, I'd rather be carrying the gadget!

I'm waiting to see, for how long they'd allow me to use it, with unlimited data access (no voice service). Thus practically breaching bank's security policy. But in the whole bank, there's only 27 users, only HOD & CEO have it... and now I have it - instead of for critical business purpose, but for system support :P haha.

~*~

I met some priviledge banking "rm" during a grooming course that I attended last week, trainer was Wendy Lee from ChapterOne. Coming from technical background, I was blur > I didn't know rm means 'relationship manager' and priviledge banking is something 'superior' and to be a banker serving high-net-worth customer, one needs to be very properly groomed, wear business-suit, put on makeup, and... behave like very lansi!

The trainer was surprised that I volunteered myself to join the grooming course, and I was the only one from IT. One look at me as I walk in, she couldn't stand by eyebrow. During the hands-on makeup lesson, she came over to me to 'shave' my eyebrows! I know I learnt alot about attire, makeup, hair, etiquette, etc but I ask myself this (again) > do I really want to follow?

She said, if everybody in your depart do not put on makeup, then you must put on light up. If everybody puts light make up, then I should even be better groomed - for the purpose of to STAND out. She talked about the survey about people getting paid more / climb corporate ladder faster - if they're more attractive / pay attention to grooming.

And she even acknowledge that the wester etiquette that she teaches, can be "keh keh" but what to do, this is the society, where business = english dominant = western culture. Too bad for Chinese ed, we have to learn how to follow the gweilo culture, and the english ed people just have to forgive the chinese ed for being rude / crude / too-straight forward / reserved etc.

I guess through my 6 years in typical chinese primary school, I am classified as chinese-ed, although I can't write / read / speak chinese properly. I don't know how to "keh keh" when I talk to people, I actually have alot to follow & learn in this subject called grooming.

Back to the question -- do I want to STAND out? Do I want to have the edge over others? Will I start putting make up? Will I learn to talk "keh keh" style on the phone? The CHOICE is mine. The trainer reminded that, coming for the grooming course will be wasting time, if we do not choose to change. Change do not happen overnight, but I can gradually change 3-6 months down the road.

To present myself with an image for other people including strangers. What is the image do I want to portray? Do I want to do something about my image that will represent for who/what I want to be?

Actually.. I'm still thinking... and this is no end. I've been questioning myself since I was a teenager - and I'm still questioning myself now - and I have not settled for an answer. I am much more contented with myself than having the motivation to change my image! I don't know why!

Lansi young slutty banker sneered at me "u work in IT can earn much meh?" I doh-ed in my heart, and I know my answer inside, and she won't get it. I care not to reply. I very thankful for having touch base with the spirituality and having kalyana mitras.

Dresses and flowers!

I can't believe I'm going gaga over some of the pretty dresses... and I just found a website with picture gallery of really oh-my-god-flowers with such awesome shooo-preety colours... I'm like ohhh...mymm..... can I have that?!

Today sayang came along to the bridal shop (the only shop that I know how to walk in...) > the gown that I think I'm making up my mind on, which is RM680 if I get the one off the shelf with pink band (RM780 for newly tailor made where I can choose any colour for the band) is something like this, or this, or this.

And the bouquet of flower that I went ahhhhhhhhhhhhh is this!

Of course this is also sweet...
and this...

im hungry but i need to lose weight

You know the problem with me who doesn't practise restrain, who likes to drink whenever she likes to drink *i mean tea even uptil very late at night*, who doesn't know how to say stop when she sees chocolate, who gets very hungry after drinking lotsa tea without proper meal... and I need to fit into a flattering gown. Hmm...
I was at this bridal-gown-for-sale shop at SS2, I went alone.. but I saw a few other ladies browsing through the catalogue with their other half. Erm... you know I'm just so me, I know what I like, and the chinese lady was pretty 'honest' with me, by saying "u can fit in that", "that's too small for you", "this cutting is not suitable for you"... ok doh so I left with not many choices in terms of 'cutting / style' and I actually felt uncomfortable in off-shoulder gown. It's so tight at the arm! So left with this only one gown that fits perfectly fine on me, infact that's the 1st gown that the lady took for me to try and she said I can wear this. And its plain, simple and RMM700++ (the others got RM800++). She said it unenthusiastically "actually this is European design".

In my heart I say -- that's the point. I couldn't imagine wearing the other gown with all the weird cutting, funny organza, too much embroidery.... and I think I'm pretty cool with just me and the fitting room mirror, without needing sayang to give second opinion. He's the other super busy fella doing all sort of things... I cannot even begin with who has a busier life!

I'm already really tight up with lotsa agenda... and I've just added something new -- producing a video clips that could touch people's heart, featuring my sunday class teenagers. The theme given to our class wesak project -- "compassion in action", incidently the ladakh fund raising dinner is also themed "compassion in action". I'm not sure if I'll be given the greenlight to include real life example of Ven Sanghasena in my class video project, but at the very least, I'm going to propose to interview the students on how they show their compassion / care / kindness/ gratitude towards another person closest to them, can be their mom, dad, bestfriend, teacher etc. I can prompt them "who is the most important person in your life?" "how do you spend time with your mom?" "if given a chance to show your gratitude towards your mom, what would you do?" I dunno.. I'm just thinkign inline with recording with pure innocent answer from the students, and they giggle and smile shyly as they share about their story... then I'll get them to shoot photo or video clips abt that special person... then I'll compile all together, put a nice sentimenal melody in the background...

I was only thinking that since this is a class project for the school exhibition, I'd like to request a corner with table to run the video clips on my laptop, with not too loud sound, so people can watch it as they go through the exhibition... my co-teacher said "better to put up this video onto the stage as one of the programme for wesak, with bigger impact reaching out to the whole hall audience"

Anyway, the more I think about it, the more excited I'm getting. Totally ignoring the fact that I need to revamp school website, do 80th anniversay commemorative book... get hands dirty with fundraising dinner... get voted in as exco for bgf again...

I think I get motivated by (get involve with) inspiring people. But be watchful... notice there's some ego rising when people praise you, like limkf said "you take very good pictures of people" and he suggested to put that picture I took (at ladakh) as the 1st picture people will see at the website and trigger people to click on it... to read further... and to donate for a cause. Dtk and all agreed! Then he repeated that sentence again to me... I observed that the ego just shot up. Not long later, I realised that I could have replied "thanks to the 50mm lense" or "thanks for tips from peter". I wouldn't have that 50mm lense if not for peter giving it to me. I also know that most good people-emotion shots are taken with that 50mm lense.

Maybe its human nature, they feel proud when they're being praised, and they keep brimming. Oh please... stop it. Come back to the ground, don't float too high until you couldn't touch the earth.

Anyway... moving on... I still need to find time to exercise, don't look so fat on my wedding!

神也是我。鬼也是我。

You know how sayang would describe me? No he don't remember what's ENTP or ISTJ... what choleric, what phlematic... he aptly puts it this way >> 神也是我。鬼也是我。
Too abstract to grasp? I think its when I'm both choleric and phlegmatic at the sametime... when there's the flashes of evil visuals, then there's the awareness of what is bad, and the ability to know what is good... *crapping*

So do you think I'm "angelish devil" or "devilish angel"? *muuaahahahaha....*

Know of such colleague?

This is just a crappy short incident that happened that might not happen in your everyday life. I have the monthly lrt pass, made of card material. I keep it in my nametag plastic cover. Sometimes, different colleagues will ask to borrow my pass during lunch time, so that they could hop on the lrt for free.

There is this guy, quite big size, I don't know who is he, must have been introduced to him before but I don't know how he know that I have a pass. So he just came straight to me to ask to borrow the pass... one day, he borrowed it and after lunch he'd return it to me.

Almost panting, he walked over, dig his shirt pocket and took out the pass...
"aiya sorry its wet ah..."
"nevermind.." (thinking he spilled water on it, I raised my hand and hold it)
"its my sweat ah"

Feel like puking...

Quick update? Hmm... so many thing happened, basically at RPK's blog. I'm feeling very sick reading how people aka humans can get murdered brutally.... by the police?! Still trying hard to stomach it... I feel like going on a peaceful vigil for feeling aghast with heartless Malaysian police squad. I ask myself, if I can bring myself to send metta to these people... its so hard.

What's the point of living in a country when policemen can take order to shoot dead another human? I dunno if I'm more sick that policemen can be so stupid (without wisdom & compassion) or policemen can be so cruel.

Feel like puking....

Lagi yau yeng bridal gown

If the previous post bridal gown samples were taken from http://www.onewed.com/ (which was cool enough), then these are from http://www.davidsbridal.com/, and I totally love the first one - the mOST out of ALL the gown pictures I've seen on the net so far :D Maybe its her hair?! :P
Ok, this second gown, I think it might be kinda tight for me, maybe its the model's confident strut which made the gown looked very good! Or maybe its the picture that looks good. Just thought the red waist band is unique.... oh my.. both pictures so lacey!! Does this mean I like lacey gown!?!

Another oh my... so simple, sexy-looking, hey no lace and just plain! So what now.. lacey or plain?

Like *jaws dropped* gown...

I like this alot! So simple! Of course the model is really slim with nice hair, but I think the V-neck, not totally bare-shoulder... just worried if its too lose & reveal too much cleavage. *I wish not to tie my hair up in a gown*
If I need to feel more secure, I find this tight-fitting piece equally stunning! Notice it might probably cover my flabby tummy eh?! Also V-neck!

Here's another cutting, like off-shoulder still a strap supporting over your shoulder and it's different from conventional bridal gowns you see in local magazines or ss2 bridal studios. I want to try this!
Ok, this is similar story, since its off-shoulder, can cover up abit of my flabby arms, and it looks special and sweet.

Well, here's what I'm thinking rationally how my body will look like, L-size. And its V-neck, with the shoulder strap, no flower / pattern nonsense. So is this it?!