When will I break free?

I have no desire, no passion, no drive to want to produce result as expected by my company boss. I'm already working full-time from Mon to Fri, just like everybody, as system support, where my performance has been so far so good. The lucky thing about my weekday job is I could come late and go back on time. The support field culture is like that. I'm totally comfortable with that.

No wait.. that's not the end of my job, which I really wish it is. My company is "testing" me by giving me a project that I have no experience in, and all my best resources come from pdf files or another friend working in this MNC also deal with the this project, which is more relevant to big MNC. It usually start with a training, if you're zero skill. Nope, my training is just pieces of advise and then I go use my PERSONAL time to study.

It's FRIDAY nearly midnight, and I forsee I'm burning the midnight oil, trying to revamp / plagiarize from the source I got from a friend, who's trusting me to keep it p&c. It is a big deal to me, if bed time is way past midnight (because I get cranky). I have friends who sleep punctually at 10pm everynight. Tomorrow I'm asked to "show" the end result of the documentation of all the processes, in place. Right now, I'm clueless even about the format.

According to the friend, there is a "tool" to assist consolidating of all the processes and materials. Where is my tool? Is it FAIR if I used HIS tool, which is own by HIS big MNC, who paid CONSULTANTS to build it? I do not respect unethical work culture. I feel spiritually / emotionally drained trying to live up to the conduct of my company. The only way out is to leave.

Yes, but I cant leave tomorrow... I'm only prepared to leave when I've secured another mouth-feeding resource. I do not want to loan from my parents. Although my parents will always stand on my side no matter what. Call me pampered, spoiltbrat, whatever... I'm just not willing, I am very reluctant to work so hard for a S-T-U-P-I-D boss. Stupid is as stupid does. Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're gonna get!

Do you want to know how my company 'office' looks like? Imagine an incubator of mmu (actually upm's incubator looks better :P) of empty rooms. With just few tables (of different sizes, even the foldable square table can be found) and chairs, with 1 really old pc for testing, and 1 pc for the new girl to rot infront of it. The boss sits in another corner with his laptop BEHIND the new girl, with no partition. So at maximum you'll see 3-4 people. That's all.

My payslip? It is printed by Word doc, and I need to SIGN my payslip, to be returned to "HR". I'm beginning to wonder "where" is the HR? Hearsay, they outsourced HR / finance. When does my salary comes in? 1st month it was on the 5th, 2nd month its on the 9th. Wanna hear something funny? The new girl have not received her 1st month salary althought it's way past 31st of last month. They're holding her salary until next month --> WHAT FOR? The freakiest thing, is she was not given back her offer letter. She doesn't have any document to prove she's a staff, why pay her salary?

In my 1st week of joining this boat, there were some interns doing programming. Soon they were all not appearing on Saturdays. I got to find out from the 1 remaining boy that boss fired them all, due to underperformance. Give me a break.... 3 months intern gets fired?!?!? They were even working on SATURDAYS!!!! They were not paid any allowance for the job being done so far. They've programmed and documented some processes for the company.

I have had enough of bullshit, as days go by. My teamlead at clientsite, was previously attached with my company, before being converted over. When I voiced to her about my wish to be converted.. she asked for reason, and I frankly said I dont like my boss. You know what she replied? "Is it just you and me, or is he really that bad?". I smiled.

The people at my clientsite are like my friends. Although with some weirdos here and there, but people are accepting of each other, and the politics were more 'fun' to play along with than sad. Being the unattach girl that I am, you play your game, I play mine. Fair and square.

Can you imagine there is "fear" in me, when I'm working on this project. I dont know if the fear is caused by my own anxiety or by my the boss. If there's a timeline to follow, but I know how to do --> no fear. But if there's a timeline to follow, and I dont really know HOW to do, and my boss is also helpless --> fear of not meeting expectation.

Sigh... its REALLY stupid. Big companies will take 18months average to get project met. But my boss believe small company can do it in 1 month. I'm just working with STUPID people!!!

Ask him go fly kite.... now I feel the stupidest of all being....



is me.