Where was I? First daY?? Actually everything went great, just that after those great moment have passed, I'd eventually forget about it.
Like how I visited my 2 cousins who came back from England on compassionate leave to visit their very frail grandfather. I guess we're all expecting a funeral pretty soon, but I guess it's not a good thought to looking forward to a funeral during CNY esp... but I'm too hard a person most of the time. Granduncle is really sick, what can we all do? Just keep radiating Metta... should I teach all my distant relatives what to do? Well, my mom is good at that. Atleast for this family, nobody is tussling over a body, unlike some other relatives I know of. Yeah, last minute deathbed conversion is the norm amongst some really fanatics Christians, if only you really see it with your own eyes how idiotic deathbed conversion can be to me.
Whatelse, I met up with fellow Incovarian in Taiping! Guess what... doesn't come as a big surprise, as I knew how small the world is. My grandma is PL's mom's friend. Oh boy, she is sooo talkative! They gave me a token of angpow for my short visit, although my aunt sent me to Kg. Boyan, I had no problem going back as the aunty was sooo excited about knowing how I am connected... all the way the aunty guided the driver to my grandma house, and came in for a short hello.
Oh well, I'm not sure if I should be saying this out loud, but my grandma house is linked to gambling :P i'm wondering myself, which Chinese family do not gamble during CNY?! Even I placed my bets... lost alot in BM with my monkey & dog cousins.. but won back from my rooster grandma!! haha... no guilt, after that session we went on supper on me.
Back home from Taiping... even 3.5 hour drive (ya me.. i drove), after dinner.. another round. Thought my aunts how to play chor dai di, then played ngou abit before my uncle came and he became banker for blackjack. Errr.. at first won abit, then lost abit more... then i stopped. Actually I'm quite reluctant to part away with money... so gambling is very 'susah' for me.
The calm serene scenary is Taiping is always nice and peaceful. Saw lotsa fireworks atnight there... unlike the quiet new year in my city-hometown. Oh ya, I get to ride on the small bmx bike, only while in Taiping I get to just ride freely without minding about being knocked down by cars. Once I was cycling while trying to balance myself with one hand holding the camera... not stunt show, i just havent acquired the skill of cyclying handsfree!
Lotsa dogs to help usher in for this new year... we brought bobo along, my other cousin brought their kiki along to Taiping. Then we brought bobo further up north to BM to visit my aunt with a huge black dog Mambo. Geli... Mambo is soooo big size, I'm scared of going near it... they let Mambo in the house just like part of the family too!!! Aiskks...
Still havent visited quite alot of usual people to visit... going back to office today when more than half the staff is on leave is like really showing off! But I know what's important... when there is work to be done, I'll come back to complete it. But I get complained that I'm too free at other times... very d'oh. That's the nature of my job mah...
Aabubbaa my penpal finally got back to work after his month long wedding/honeymoon break. I think he enjoyed Malaysia, except probably the heat. Waiting for him to share his pic..
Friday, February 03, 2006
Thursday, February 02, 2006
My sick boss
Actually my CNY break has been nothing but great! Sort of like a cool break with nothing to care about, I was even without a computer/internet for 3 days. Had so much to talk / write about but this email I must show you, how idiotic it seems to me. I've just finished the employee-motivation booklet titled "Fish" and if ONLY my idiotic boss knew how to apply any of the 4 great lessons taught in the book!
1. Choose your Attitude
2. Play
3. Make someone's day
4. Be Present
If you could make any common sense out of what my boss could email this out to us prior to the long holiday, which I only checked it after the holiday! (So pointless to me now).
~*~
Importance: High
Dear All
in view of the above festivals, our company will be closed from
- 28th Jan 2006 ~ 1st Feb ( for those project based in Selangor & resume work on 2nd Feb 2006 )
- 28th Jan 2006 ~ 2nd Feb ( for those project based in KL & resume work on 3rd Feb 2006 )
Also note that company will grant everyone FREE One (1) Day leave for 28th Jan 2006. (which is a Saturday d'oh!! Are we suppose to work on Saturday anyway?!) However, we need the strong support & commitment from all our technical team members :-
- to provide help & support to anyone of your technical team members ( details emergency schedule refer to your superior if any )
IN CASE any unforseen technical support issue arise in any of the project site as most of our project sites are critical & important.
On teamwork concern:
- In case any of the technical support member who do not help when being ask by your superior will consider unpaid leave on that day (28/1/06) and will be recorded low in performance & poor in teamwork. (what the ****!! I just dun understand how a boss can speak in such pathetic manner to his own staff, this is like throwing banana skin at your face, telling you to blame yourself if you skid / fell on the banana skin)
Happy Chinese New Year !
~*~
1. Choose your Attitude
2. Play
3. Make someone's day
4. Be Present
If you could make any common sense out of what my boss could email this out to us prior to the long holiday, which I only checked it after the holiday! (So pointless to me now).
~*~
Importance: High
Dear All
in view of the above festivals, our company will be closed from
- 28th Jan 2006 ~ 1st Feb ( for those project based in Selangor & resume work on 2nd Feb 2006 )
- 28th Jan 2006 ~ 2nd Feb ( for those project based in KL & resume work on 3rd Feb 2006 )
Also note that company will grant everyone FREE One (1) Day leave for 28th Jan 2006. (which is a Saturday d'oh!! Are we suppose to work on Saturday anyway?!) However, we need the strong support & commitment from all our technical team members :-
- to provide help & support to anyone of your technical team members ( details emergency schedule refer to your superior if any )
IN CASE any unforseen technical support issue arise in any of the project site as most of our project sites are critical & important.
On teamwork concern:
- In case any of the technical support member who do not help when being ask by your superior will consider unpaid leave on that day (28/1/06) and will be recorded low in performance & poor in teamwork. (what the ****!! I just dun understand how a boss can speak in such pathetic manner to his own staff, this is like throwing banana skin at your face, telling you to blame yourself if you skid / fell on the banana skin)
Happy Chinese New Year !
~*~
Monday, January 30, 2006
hmm.. me very stingy..?
Sigh, I guess I am.
Going to Taiping, so how much angpow to wrap for grandma? Well, actually I dont really wanna cry out how pathetically broke I am, infact I am truly fascinated by how my just-got-married friend who had to fork out RM1k just for giving out angpow this year, while I still qualify to receive angpows :(
So I said RM48 would be nice number for grandma, then mom said give 100 lah! Huh? Not up to my ability meh?! Then mom said ur bro and ur cousin also giving ahma rm100 lah!!! Haiyoh... then I start mumbling to myself, I dun have bonus unlike my bro and my cousin. I got SALARY DEDUCTED this month (no thanks for the HK trip damn..) and I got cheated RM400++ in HK, and I lost my SDcard lagi apa mau... Now I reluctantly digging out from all the angpow money to rewrap a new angpow for ahma.
What man, this type of mentality I have at this time of the year is not going to bring me any good spirit this dog year... I wish I could be more 'dai fong'... but its sooooo hard, feel like crying thinking of it.
Going to Taiping, so how much angpow to wrap for grandma? Well, actually I dont really wanna cry out how pathetically broke I am, infact I am truly fascinated by how my just-got-married friend who had to fork out RM1k just for giving out angpow this year, while I still qualify to receive angpows :(
So I said RM48 would be nice number for grandma, then mom said give 100 lah! Huh? Not up to my ability meh?! Then mom said ur bro and ur cousin also giving ahma rm100 lah!!! Haiyoh... then I start mumbling to myself, I dun have bonus unlike my bro and my cousin. I got SALARY DEDUCTED this month (no thanks for the HK trip damn..) and I got cheated RM400++ in HK, and I lost my SDcard lagi apa mau... Now I reluctantly digging out from all the angpow money to rewrap a new angpow for ahma.
What man, this type of mentality I have at this time of the year is not going to bring me any good spirit this dog year... I wish I could be more 'dai fong'... but its sooooo hard, feel like crying thinking of it.
Happy CNY! Woof! Woof!
Hey everybody Happy Chinese New Year! If I were to blog yday then it would be abt my very aching right arm. Today I had a splendid day, well maybe the costume played a big part. You gotta check out my entire family's CNY way of usher in the new year with our matching oriental outfit.
Maybe it is 'fong sap' (athritis)?! I just felt this surge of painful sensation on my entire right arm towards the late evening after reunion dinner. Probably due to my wholeday of helping mom in the kitchen while cleaning some old stuff while scrubbing some dirt while ... i dunno.. i just did what I could for the entire new year's eve.
Reunion dinner is always a major event, this year we invited my dad's cousin sister who lives nearby to join us, cos their son went overseas. Ok actually our big round table cannot fit everybody. 11 people. Actually there were 3 people less, as predicted since last year they didn't turn up. Oh this year, I was really like the maid with no kakak around! Imagine ALL the dirty dishes.. everything la.. including the wok... I washed it all up, using the really low kitchen basin (built for my mom's height serious). Thinking back of camp days where each group got cleaning duty, I say it's good training. Still.. I'm right handed, I used up so much strenght with my right arm... *fuissh... I just self proclaim to dad that I was the most hardworking one... yeah but there was no one else to compare with. My bro?! d'oh.
Angpow... is there an age limit to receiving angpow? This year, I felt the more harsh critism from everybody including my neighbour! First there was an aunt who threaten to penalize me for still not having a boyfriend yet, and giving me warning to get married by this year! D'oh. Then there's my Indian neighbour who's son is younger than me, when somebody asked abt his son, he started tai-chi attention back to me "I've been waiting 22 long years to see this day happen... " (*cough cough*) yeah so he moved in to become my neighbour that many years ago and we're just great neighbours. Who else.. oh my own closest uncle who supports the opposition just as well, who's big-time born-again who lives next door... he asked "how old are you?" .. "Why you still dont want to get married?"... (*hullo? u need a guy to married with?).. "so why no guy like you? how can??..." (so I just casually said becos all guys stupid)... "WHAT? Your thinking is wrong... you're selfish, I think you need to come for my counselling..."
I rest my case.
Incase u're wondering how to get out of that conversation? Serve ur uncle really nice steamy curry fish to shut him up.
On another very interesting note, I've found out WHERE in the WORLD my greatgrand father came from... taking it away.. it's "Teo Ann" and the village is "Nee Leng Quek".. or something like that.. my uncle dont speak Mandarin. He heard this from his uncle who's passed away.. and I wonder how I'm ever gonna trace back where in the world this Quek lineage came about.
It seems that my great grand father's grandfather came from China to Singapore and started business in Johor?! I forgot what business was that, but somehow to become so rich that he was, somehow my uncle guess it involves gambling. Cool, so my ancestors were great gamblers?! Huh.. so anyway, by the time of my greatgrandfather, the wealth was easily 'used' up. Probably got cheated and hearsay he was a womaniser. So that's it my grandfather lived a poor man sharing the same house with his siblings, in Setapak KL. Wait... rollback, my grandfather was born in Singapore.. there is a Chinese temple built/owned by my greatgrandfather in Singapore with the ancestral altar kept there. That's why my grandma when she was still alive she often travels to Singapore... hey they say I went to SG when I was just 2 year old.. like doh if I knew.
So anyway, I guess the Teochew people can be found from the south in Johor and Sg... its not a major clan. In China, the Teochew clan is within the Guangzhou state, seperated by a mountain nontheless living beside the Hokkien, so Teochew dialect is similar to Hokkien. Bleh... my Chinese-illiterate uncle was narrating the story, believable or not? Beats me.
Oh dad added, in HK movies, the gangster were always Teochew.. :P Haiya.. kakinang, paksi boh siang kang.
Anyway, that's the end of my CNY chapter for the 1st day. 2nd day will be along long tiresome day. Seems my mom's uncle is critically ill, he couldn't even travel back to Taiping, first time this year. So we'll visit this grandunc, visit another aunty for lunch, before deciding what time to travel up north to Taiping where my mom's family will be waiting for us. Basically Taiping is another long story, with so many granduncles and grandaunties... but I probably dont draw as big attention as other distant cousins of mine... so hopefully I'll be spared from the ever inevitable question.
Oh, next big question that I'm "lazy" to answer anybody is "what do you do?" ... I'm a Systems Engineer... what system? Computer systems... do what? Support... support what? ... is there a script somewhere I can read to explain to uncles and aunties what i do?
Maybe it is 'fong sap' (athritis)?! I just felt this surge of painful sensation on my entire right arm towards the late evening after reunion dinner. Probably due to my wholeday of helping mom in the kitchen while cleaning some old stuff while scrubbing some dirt while ... i dunno.. i just did what I could for the entire new year's eve.
Reunion dinner is always a major event, this year we invited my dad's cousin sister who lives nearby to join us, cos their son went overseas. Ok actually our big round table cannot fit everybody. 11 people. Actually there were 3 people less, as predicted since last year they didn't turn up. Oh this year, I was really like the maid with no kakak around! Imagine ALL the dirty dishes.. everything la.. including the wok... I washed it all up, using the really low kitchen basin (built for my mom's height serious). Thinking back of camp days where each group got cleaning duty, I say it's good training. Still.. I'm right handed, I used up so much strenght with my right arm... *fuissh... I just self proclaim to dad that I was the most hardworking one... yeah but there was no one else to compare with. My bro?! d'oh.
Angpow... is there an age limit to receiving angpow? This year, I felt the more harsh critism from everybody including my neighbour! First there was an aunt who threaten to penalize me for still not having a boyfriend yet, and giving me warning to get married by this year! D'oh. Then there's my Indian neighbour who's son is younger than me, when somebody asked abt his son, he started tai-chi attention back to me "I've been waiting 22 long years to see this day happen... " (*cough cough*) yeah so he moved in to become my neighbour that many years ago and we're just great neighbours. Who else.. oh my own closest uncle who supports the opposition just as well, who's big-time born-again who lives next door... he asked "how old are you?" .. "Why you still dont want to get married?"... (*hullo? u need a guy to married with?).. "so why no guy like you? how can??..." (so I just casually said becos all guys stupid)... "WHAT? Your thinking is wrong... you're selfish, I think you need to come for my counselling..."
I rest my case.
Incase u're wondering how to get out of that conversation? Serve ur uncle really nice steamy curry fish to shut him up.
On another very interesting note, I've found out WHERE in the WORLD my greatgrand father came from... taking it away.. it's "Teo Ann" and the village is "Nee Leng Quek".. or something like that.. my uncle dont speak Mandarin. He heard this from his uncle who's passed away.. and I wonder how I'm ever gonna trace back where in the world this Quek lineage came about.
It seems that my great grand father's grandfather came from China to Singapore and started business in Johor?! I forgot what business was that, but somehow to become so rich that he was, somehow my uncle guess it involves gambling. Cool, so my ancestors were great gamblers?! Huh.. so anyway, by the time of my greatgrandfather, the wealth was easily 'used' up. Probably got cheated and hearsay he was a womaniser. So that's it my grandfather lived a poor man sharing the same house with his siblings, in Setapak KL. Wait... rollback, my grandfather was born in Singapore.. there is a Chinese temple built/owned by my greatgrandfather in Singapore with the ancestral altar kept there. That's why my grandma when she was still alive she often travels to Singapore... hey they say I went to SG when I was just 2 year old.. like doh if I knew.
So anyway, I guess the Teochew people can be found from the south in Johor and Sg... its not a major clan. In China, the Teochew clan is within the Guangzhou state, seperated by a mountain nontheless living beside the Hokkien, so Teochew dialect is similar to Hokkien. Bleh... my Chinese-illiterate uncle was narrating the story, believable or not? Beats me.
Oh dad added, in HK movies, the gangster were always Teochew.. :P Haiya.. kakinang, paksi boh siang kang.
Anyway, that's the end of my CNY chapter for the 1st day. 2nd day will be along long tiresome day. Seems my mom's uncle is critically ill, he couldn't even travel back to Taiping, first time this year. So we'll visit this grandunc, visit another aunty for lunch, before deciding what time to travel up north to Taiping where my mom's family will be waiting for us. Basically Taiping is another long story, with so many granduncles and grandaunties... but I probably dont draw as big attention as other distant cousins of mine... so hopefully I'll be spared from the ever inevitable question.
Oh, next big question that I'm "lazy" to answer anybody is "what do you do?" ... I'm a Systems Engineer... what system? Computer systems... do what? Support... support what? ... is there a script somewhere I can read to explain to uncles and aunties what i do?
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Aabubba arrived Malaysia 5.10pm, 17Jan!!
Wow... can you believe it? my netpal for many years, from Pakistan working in the US who went back to Pakistan to marry his wife Sana, and then came to Malaysia for honeymoon! Why come to Malaysia of all places?! no thanks to me... tourism malaysia should give me the 0.01% of commission for helping to promote Malaysia so well!
so far so good, the road is clean, the hotel room is clean, the car rented (proton Waja) has all the features of a good car and above all Kayu Nasi Kandar was really nice! And I hope they could maintain that good impression of Malaysia right through KL tomorrow and then Penang and Langkawi. So Malaysia... its all up to you now, I've did my best as a warm nice and friendly host for one evening, the rest is really up to Malaysia to take it away.
Knowing how financially well-off this friend is, I let him pay for the 1st meal he had in Malaysia. Alright so its only RM50, but I didn't have enough cash!!! SOooooo paiseh man... before I could even 'pretend' to take out my wallet, my friend said he'll pay. Then he even asked "how do I tip them?" Doh... you dont have, they're charging you tax for it!
There in the Kayu restaurant, I saw my MOM. Ok so I had to introduce my Pakistani friend to my mom. Then the friend took out his Canon (ixus 50 i think) to snap picture of me and my mom and he and his wife! The aneh there were quite friendly serving us too, except that they couldn't understand the slang my friend was using, so I was like their saviour!
I didn't order enough rice, I dont know why maybe I'm too cheapskate unlike my parents... even I was still hungry after the meal.
It's another day tomorrow, I still have to go back to work, and then probably meet up with them in KL. They'll check out from Holiday Inn Glenmarie and check in at JW Marriot. They prefer to drive to Langkawi than to take the flight. They were shocked by the toll money they'd to pay all along the way, and I dare not see how he'll be shocked to see the toll charge at the North South Highway.
Anyway, he's got a bad impression of Singapore as he was there jsut for a short transit, but its not my fault. Sana had a scissor in her handbag maybe Malaysian custom would do that too, who knows it all depends.
Alright goodnite Malaysia. All is well and beautiful... palm trees and green scenary are beautiful to them. Hmm.... aabubba got married finally! *phew... knew him since when I first got internet access in '98 on icq i think. From before i went to uni, to having long chats with him plus my estranged-bestfriend, till i cudn't get a job and then get a job and now changed job and still hoping to change job!
so far so good, the road is clean, the hotel room is clean, the car rented (proton Waja) has all the features of a good car and above all Kayu Nasi Kandar was really nice! And I hope they could maintain that good impression of Malaysia right through KL tomorrow and then Penang and Langkawi. So Malaysia... its all up to you now, I've did my best as a warm nice and friendly host for one evening, the rest is really up to Malaysia to take it away.
Knowing how financially well-off this friend is, I let him pay for the 1st meal he had in Malaysia. Alright so its only RM50, but I didn't have enough cash!!! SOooooo paiseh man... before I could even 'pretend' to take out my wallet, my friend said he'll pay. Then he even asked "how do I tip them?" Doh... you dont have, they're charging you tax for it!
There in the Kayu restaurant, I saw my MOM. Ok so I had to introduce my Pakistani friend to my mom. Then the friend took out his Canon (ixus 50 i think) to snap picture of me and my mom and he and his wife! The aneh there were quite friendly serving us too, except that they couldn't understand the slang my friend was using, so I was like their saviour!
I didn't order enough rice, I dont know why maybe I'm too cheapskate unlike my parents... even I was still hungry after the meal.
It's another day tomorrow, I still have to go back to work, and then probably meet up with them in KL. They'll check out from Holiday Inn Glenmarie and check in at JW Marriot. They prefer to drive to Langkawi than to take the flight. They were shocked by the toll money they'd to pay all along the way, and I dare not see how he'll be shocked to see the toll charge at the North South Highway.
Anyway, he's got a bad impression of Singapore as he was there jsut for a short transit, but its not my fault. Sana had a scissor in her handbag maybe Malaysian custom would do that too, who knows it all depends.
Alright goodnite Malaysia. All is well and beautiful... palm trees and green scenary are beautiful to them. Hmm.... aabubba got married finally! *phew... knew him since when I first got internet access in '98 on icq i think. From before i went to uni, to having long chats with him plus my estranged-bestfriend, till i cudn't get a job and then get a job and now changed job and still hoping to change job!
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
somebody stole my sdcard?!
Ok.. very seldom I'd suspect somebody had stole my things. But I've searched high and low in my house, its my 1GB sdcard inserted into the card reader with a usb cable still attached... where had it gone missing to?!
The last i remember using is last week at my office. I dont remember bringing it home, even if I did it wont come out from my bag. It should be kept at the drawer... and usually I dont lock my drawer. Is this the price to pay for not locking my office drawer?!! Isssh..... who could it be! This one i really cannot tell, should I report it to someone? There's like about 100 ppl in this floor, with different cleaning lady coming in to collect the rubbish everyday. Why would the cleaning lady wanna take my sdcard?! Surely its more logical for a more IT-savvy dude to know how valuable it is. Which makes it hard for me to believe that an educated IT person can do such a thing?!
Hopefully can ransack the whole house while spring cleaning & get a glim hope of finding it. HOW CAN?!!!
The last i remember using is last week at my office. I dont remember bringing it home, even if I did it wont come out from my bag. It should be kept at the drawer... and usually I dont lock my drawer. Is this the price to pay for not locking my office drawer?!! Isssh..... who could it be! This one i really cannot tell, should I report it to someone? There's like about 100 ppl in this floor, with different cleaning lady coming in to collect the rubbish everyday. Why would the cleaning lady wanna take my sdcard?! Surely its more logical for a more IT-savvy dude to know how valuable it is. Which makes it hard for me to believe that an educated IT person can do such a thing?!
Hopefully can ransack the whole house while spring cleaning & get a glim hope of finding it. HOW CAN?!!!
Monday, January 16, 2006
Talk China..
Ok my mandarin is still terrible. But did you know...
- Pregnant women in China gets 4-month marternity leave!
- They recycle soiled tissue paper that you used in the jamban, yeah even used sanitary towel!?!
- Occasionally, you'll find some of them having very cute English names infront of their surname, ie. Stone, Sky, Tiger, Zola, Macro...
- Very interesting English... "I don't connected to the network..", "It was happened as user using dial-up program at home...", ".. two users suffering this problem".
- They respect the people who join the CCP.
- They have very beautiful scenery that I wish to visit one day.
- They have very odd public spitting behavior that I find most disturbing & disgusting that I cannot imagine that why they could so casually practise it!
- They dont look friendly, why can't they smile?
- They have CCTV English channel with newscasters who speak superb English!
- People from China are referred to as from "dai luk".
- The economy is growing so strong, that it is quite scary to me if they're not at the same time developing the culture, values and quality services (in all aspect).
- How will China write and interpret the history of modern China?
- What is China's vision? Where is China heading in 20 - 50 years time?
... finish crapping la.. go back to work.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
I'm sorry that I'm not sorry
I'm not sure if its in-born, if so then that's like trying to give myself a lame excuse. I'm aware that I could say things that could easily slip my tongue and land myself in hot soup. How many a times have I encountered this situation, but point is I dont feel sorry!!!
What is wrong with me, why am I made of heart of a rock?! So solid I cant bend it to say sorry, even for the sake of saying sorry knowing it would probably ease the tension. But then I what if I really dont feel / mean sorry, why say it?!
*phew.. somebody bang me. If would I were to think it from another way, like thinking that it is culturally a right to do, that it is only proper, to just say sorry!
Gee... actually I can go on writing, if I were to see things from my own stand, that if I'm not sorry, I wont or I just couldn't say it! Ever heard of 'sorry no cure'? Does it really helps you hate me lesser if I were to say sorry to you, when you know I'm not sorry? Or maybe I just have to be tactful and just say sorry and make it as if I mean it! Bleeghh... such a tall order.
Why am I so mean!?! Eventhough I see this rudeness / stubborness / pain-in-ass in myself I dont bother to change it, or it never occured that I must do something about it! Each time when people are offended by me, instantly I think "that's your problem, like it take it, dont like leave it".
Then I'll be considering whether if its really an excuse, or am I really such a conceited person that I just have to acknowledge it as part of who I really am! Stubborness, something I had a major problem with and when I prosed that problem to a Whispers-From-the-Heart session, the comments given by Datuk himself is to my wide-eye amazement!
Stubborness something also I inherit from both my mom and dad. The more I 'dare' my mom, the more she'll do it. I lose to her. She made fun of me in public, I replied her in public "Say louder lah!"... that's it. Maybe I'm resembling my mom cronic stubborn I'm-always-right character!
*aaaikkss!! Is that it?! That's why... yeah, how easy blame it on my parents for my own flaws? I really can accept myself totally with all my bad and good side, hence its really hard for me to be sorry / to change.
Yet change is good! The only constant is change they say... And say sorry is the right thing to do. *iiisssshhhh... enuff of babbling with myself.
What is wrong with me, why am I made of heart of a rock?! So solid I cant bend it to say sorry, even for the sake of saying sorry knowing it would probably ease the tension. But then I what if I really dont feel / mean sorry, why say it?!
*phew.. somebody bang me. If would I were to think it from another way, like thinking that it is culturally a right to do, that it is only proper, to just say sorry!
Gee... actually I can go on writing, if I were to see things from my own stand, that if I'm not sorry, I wont or I just couldn't say it! Ever heard of 'sorry no cure'? Does it really helps you hate me lesser if I were to say sorry to you, when you know I'm not sorry? Or maybe I just have to be tactful and just say sorry and make it as if I mean it! Bleeghh... such a tall order.
Why am I so mean!?! Eventhough I see this rudeness / stubborness / pain-in-ass in myself I dont bother to change it, or it never occured that I must do something about it! Each time when people are offended by me, instantly I think "that's your problem, like it take it, dont like leave it".
Then I'll be considering whether if its really an excuse, or am I really such a conceited person that I just have to acknowledge it as part of who I really am! Stubborness, something I had a major problem with and when I prosed that problem to a Whispers-From-the-Heart session, the comments given by Datuk himself is to my wide-eye amazement!
Stubborness something also I inherit from both my mom and dad. The more I 'dare' my mom, the more she'll do it. I lose to her. She made fun of me in public, I replied her in public "Say louder lah!"... that's it. Maybe I'm resembling my mom cronic stubborn I'm-always-right character!
*aaaikkss!! Is that it?! That's why... yeah, how easy blame it on my parents for my own flaws? I really can accept myself totally with all my bad and good side, hence its really hard for me to be sorry / to change.
Yet change is good! The only constant is change they say... And say sorry is the right thing to do. *iiisssshhhh... enuff of babbling with myself.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
a hypothetical question
Would you..
A. work in an environment surrounded with smart alec and arrogant snobs, that makes you feel inferior.
B. work around with people who are not so brainy nor inspiring, that makes you feel agitated.
A was my previous working environment, B is my present.
A. work in an environment surrounded with smart alec and arrogant snobs, that makes you feel inferior.
B. work around with people who are not so brainy nor inspiring, that makes you feel agitated.
A was my previous working environment, B is my present.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
me? Acute gout attack?!
Read this this you'll know what I mean. The word "genetic" disease says it all! Messaged quite a few friends, some laughed and couldn't believe that I can get gout at such a young age! Well, when my dad (doctor quack) diagnosed that I had the exact symptoms (always forget how to spell symtom in english) as him, made me wanted to laugh too. Yeah amidst suffering from severe painful sensation on the toe on my left foot, it's a joke for me and many.
But I still think stomachache pain is more painful than gout attack, maybe it's not as bad as those gout attack that my dad experienced, cronically. It runs in the family! My dad's brothers all have gout, and my dad's sister is limping due to knee-joint arthritis problem. Yay, sooner or later, I would have to walk with a stick.. doh.
Dont even start asking me "what did I eat", as everyone should know what I dont eat. But my mom knew I like soya bean! YT was saying "no more tau fu fah for you"! :( awww.... how can, what about my vegetarian cousins who's diet are based alot on beans! Even dail curry made of beans :P Nah, dad was saying, my uric acid level could well be normal just that the 'threshold' level for the attack is very low, compared to normal people.
How was it cured? In just 1/2 day, I took 2 painkiller pills (my dad's pill.. doh) plus gastric pills (cos the painkillers will cause gastric) and by the late evening I could walk like normal. During afternoon, I was walking like my late-grandpa, my mom even took out grandpa's walking stick for me, to the laughter of everybody, including my grandma. Doh or not my family. Forget about the stick, hopping around was easier.
What a bizarre start to the new year 2006. Woke up 2nd January with a toe agony, totally forgot about a staff briefing at sun sch in the morning. Having to sit for a unit trust tutorial + exam on 3rd (which turn out fairly easy), and meeting my very pathetic despicable boss on 4th. I must make resolution to fix my screwed up career and have good faith that I can make a change! Just no more mad boss for me.
But I still think stomachache pain is more painful than gout attack, maybe it's not as bad as those gout attack that my dad experienced, cronically. It runs in the family! My dad's brothers all have gout, and my dad's sister is limping due to knee-joint arthritis problem. Yay, sooner or later, I would have to walk with a stick.. doh.
Dont even start asking me "what did I eat", as everyone should know what I dont eat. But my mom knew I like soya bean! YT was saying "no more tau fu fah for you"! :( awww.... how can, what about my vegetarian cousins who's diet are based alot on beans! Even dail curry made of beans :P Nah, dad was saying, my uric acid level could well be normal just that the 'threshold' level for the attack is very low, compared to normal people.
How was it cured? In just 1/2 day, I took 2 painkiller pills (my dad's pill.. doh) plus gastric pills (cos the painkillers will cause gastric) and by the late evening I could walk like normal. During afternoon, I was walking like my late-grandpa, my mom even took out grandpa's walking stick for me, to the laughter of everybody, including my grandma. Doh or not my family. Forget about the stick, hopping around was easier.
What a bizarre start to the new year 2006. Woke up 2nd January with a toe agony, totally forgot about a staff briefing at sun sch in the morning. Having to sit for a unit trust tutorial + exam on 3rd (which turn out fairly easy), and meeting my very pathetic despicable boss on 4th. I must make resolution to fix my screwed up career and have good faith that I can make a change! Just no more mad boss for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)