This is why i wish my blog is not read by many people. I want to write and ramble on about what I felt and thought about the camp, but I couldn't just write it here, if people will be reading it.
Just on this note, u'll sense that its not positive. I want to inspire readers when I write, the existance of people-problem needs to be addressed at personal level, not for me to simply shoot at in my blog. Why people behave or act the way the do, that don't "make things happen" but rather people I see tend to "expect things to happen".
There are only a very minor few who can go all way out, using up all their energy to "make things happen". They can... eg. the two people that I'm truly indebted to - Pevin and Sue.
Pevin took the entire day off on Thursday to be with me at BGF to redo the BCAF program book using indesign. My initial designer had used illustrator, and didnt do a good job. As this is such a huge event, Pevin knows the quality of the book to be printed should be of substantial quality. And since the job is entrusted to BGF, the highly reputable Buddhist organisation, I guess I felt the pressure to cough out a good book.
But time is running short. I spent the whole of the weekend before helping with the IDC. I should have scouted for Pevin's help much earlier, but better late than never. I'm guilty as charged for being too procrastinating. But am I? Being the sole representative for BGF for all the BCAF mtg, what am I the only exco for BGF? Anyway, I also understand everybody got a busy life...
What about my life?
Nonetheless... I'm happy and proud to say.. I'm one of them that can "make things happen". I hijacked Sue on Fri night, to complete the entire program book where Pevin left half way. It's finally 98% completed by 4.15am in the morning... we were both so horribly sleepy, we went to sleep for maybe just 2 hours. Then off to SJBA (where we were supposed to be for the camp) for the early morning visitation. Ahh.. we cannot be late. 13 packs of rice to be delivered to the homes is in my slk, Sue is leader for the orphanage convoy while I'm supposed to lead the group to old folks home. What will happen if both Sue and I really woke up late? We didn't... it just all miraculously happened.
The visitation was a blast, just too zoned out to realise the time to return to camp was supposed to be by 11am, the 2 groups were late on arrival - well bidding goodbye to humans were more time consuming?! :P
On a personal account, while chatting with an old lady seated on my left together with another blind old man on my right -- i cried. We were just casually chatting, nothing serious, cos I've already got to know that the lady is very kind hearted and the blind old man came from a very poor background with no family members to be with him & he's been there for 20+ years. The most simple thing she uttered, I cried.
We were talking about life, being happy. They seems to be happy people. The old lady was always laughing at every sentence I say. So I told the old man, she's a nice lady, always laughing, the lady replied "oh if I don't laugh, then I'll cry... I laugh easily & cry easily... happy I laugh, sad I cry. When I hear sounds (u know funeral procession), then I cry."
The old man agreed she's a happy cheerful lady. We just chilled & stared out at the morning market outside...
I don't feel sad, im just overwhelmed. I don't know if participants felt what I felt. During ixp sharing, I know participants were overwhelmed in their own ways, as some were not used to being around sad and old people. But I am... my bedridden grandfather was never sent to nursing home before his death. My mom, grandma & even grandpa's daughter-in-law took turns to take care of grandpa when he was sick. My skill is not in nursing, but I know how to entertain old boring people. Just talk & listen...
My ixp group that I facilitated came to conclusion that we all must value and appreciate our parents more, and never send our parents to old folks home. It was not about the aspiration to reach out to help those old ppl we met at the home after the camp, as it just made more sense to us to be the best son/daughter to our parents and own grandparents that we can be now. Anyway, the impact was done, the participants were inspired somehow someway.
Now back to the camp, there is a big opportunity for improvements. Im just wondering if committees doesn't realise what's lacking in them or what they should improve on, then they may still be the same people, with the same attitude, with the same result.
My opinion of the camp management is, many a times people "expect things to happen" and just a few people do "make things happen". I think for the people who can really do make things happen, in life they will be rewarded in due time. They probably will feel more inspired, as they could feel a sense of achievement in their life journey.
Never give up trying to do your best in everything that you do!
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