Random thoughts over Beng's wedding

I was the only female on the table with 5 other male coursemates. There were 3 other guys from dunno where, whom we didn't talk to.

All for the sake of being there for my uni coursemates based in penang. Out of all the 10-odd of them, I guess Beng is one of the closest, and I don't have any better excuse not to go, so I went! In less than 24hours I'm back home in PJ.

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I also come to accept that I am very kaypoh. I don't know why I just 'need to know'. Like what is happening... who is doing what... who's still single.. when did lkc came back from england... I even annoy lkc for always asking / need to know but dunno why i need to know.

Then I remembered this conversation with sayang, that he realised that I just need to know the answer, after knowing the answer then I'm satisfied. So sayang knowing me, he just have to put up with me and my curiosity... and don't question me back "why you need to know?"

If anybody can help me to asnwer "why I need to know" and I'll be glad to find out.

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Each time when I see a bride and groom on the stage wine pouring & toasting... and seeing everybody fixing their eyes on the couple on stage esp the bride... my mind goes "she's pretty, her dress is nice, she has the body to fit the dress!"

Then I imagine myself... whoaah... such a fat body on stage, letting everybody gawking at my fat body for so long in those bare-shoulder/sleeveless/can see cleavage gown. Cham, then fat people no need to get married?!!

Issh... no wonder I like the nyonya-kebaya costume which is really cool. Short-sleeve-cheongsam is nice to me (provided I freeze my breathing tucking in the tummy then I'll be dead). Ahh.. nevermind if the Malays can wear the long-sleeve-lacy-kebaya that will cover up all the fatty body parts... what can I wear?!!

Don't ask me to go lose weight or exercise to keep fit, or stop eating (as and when I wish)... I just wonder why must girls be put through so much vanity to look beautiful... even if you're not a vain person, you often always see lenglui in nice sexy dresses around and everybody will be looking at them!

And if they're fat, their dress wrap their body too tight.. and the people will say "eeeh look she's so fat, like bao bak chang like that!"

Siggh... no wonder darwism make sense at times. The beautiful pretty people gets further easier in their life / career. Just watch Ugly Betty! Although fat girls might imagine that someday they'd be looking stunning on stage with everybody gazing at them, I just cannot imagine what happen to all the out-of-shape girls? Will they be able to stand on stage just as proudly without feeling inferior of how they look?

Why do girls bother how other girls look sooooooooooo much?! Why do girls fancy pretty dresses so much?

I guess my crap is going no where... I know I'm not going to go on any regime, unlike one of highschool friend who was very fat in her early teens, because she wanted to wear the sexy dresses just like other slim girls, she went on to cut rice and eat less and successfully shed the kilos... just to WEAR the sexy dresses to party! I AM SO NOT LIKE THAT BUT I'm GUILTY for WISHING THAT I COULD FIT IN THAT DRESS!