You know about my bro's big hooha solo-trip to US for training for a week... so this is my story. Well, my parents kept thinking that I'm jealous of my brother because he get to go to USA while I don't. Of course the natural reaction would be to answer "no I'm not jealous! why would I be jealous?"
Then because of this typical denial reaction, my dad will assume that you are jealous and will continue harping on it. Like saying "oh I've told your bro to tapao some snow in a bottle for you as souvenir".
*menjeling mata & doh*
Say if you rewind the whole conversation from the start, and you do not react the typical way of denying, say being silent or neutral.... whatever. Then my dad will say "why you got nothing to say? nothing to say because you jealous leh!"
*menjeling mata & doh*
So what I'm trying to conclude is that, in my family, talking to my parents is always like "sai-hei". You keep quiet - they react. You react - they react. And the whole point of me being jealous or not is not even a concern because I am (I believe I am) impartial and most of the time neutral! Maybe years back, when I was crazy about travelling, maybe then I'd feel envious of other people who get sent to overseas (far far away) for training, while knowing I don't stand a chance.
Now, esp now that I'm trying to comprehend the wisdom of the secret / positive mental imprints (Diamond Cutter book) & living in the present (Ven. Sanghasena's advice ingrained to my head).
Jealous or not jealous, that is not the question. While driving out of the house one night, after being barged by my parents about the whole how-to-skype-my-bro-in-US-drama... I thought of my pity cousin brother living in the same house. If only my cousin can even get half of the care & concern from parents (like mine).
My dad esp do not care for him, and have always disliked him. He doesn't have a dad who will care for him since he was 6 yo. His mom is kinda reserve & quiet, living alone in Taiping. Unlike being my brother, who has a good job, a nice gf, a charming look, a very positive outlook of life, a nice black persona to drive, extremely popular with his friends... and most significantly, my bro who receive most concern by parents who worry about him first time travelling to the other end of the globe!
So now you see, its not about me being jealous or being nonchalant. This world seems unfair in the sense that some ppl (like me & my bro) are so lucky and have such wonderful caring parents to thank for... while some people don't have a parent, or don't even have proper care & concern by parent, or their parent is just not there for them.
I am still stubborn afterall... I don't see myself changing my attitude to be nicer or more concern for people. I don't know 'how' not to doh people around me when they annoy me. But I'm beginning to know how NOT to get annoyed or not to react to potential annoyance.
If answering your parents is hopeless, and not answering is useless... better just remain silent. I read this Buddhist saying somewhere :
If what you wanna say is not true & not useful, don't say it.
If what you wanna say is true but not useful, don't say it.
If what you wanna say is true & useful, say it at the right time.
Then because of this typical denial reaction, my dad will assume that you are jealous and will continue harping on it. Like saying "oh I've told your bro to tapao some snow in a bottle for you as souvenir".
*menjeling mata & doh*
Say if you rewind the whole conversation from the start, and you do not react the typical way of denying, say being silent or neutral.... whatever. Then my dad will say "why you got nothing to say? nothing to say because you jealous leh!"
*menjeling mata & doh*
So what I'm trying to conclude is that, in my family, talking to my parents is always like "sai-hei". You keep quiet - they react. You react - they react. And the whole point of me being jealous or not is not even a concern because I am (I believe I am) impartial and most of the time neutral! Maybe years back, when I was crazy about travelling, maybe then I'd feel envious of other people who get sent to overseas (far far away) for training, while knowing I don't stand a chance.
Now, esp now that I'm trying to comprehend the wisdom of the secret / positive mental imprints (Diamond Cutter book) & living in the present (Ven. Sanghasena's advice ingrained to my head).
Jealous or not jealous, that is not the question. While driving out of the house one night, after being barged by my parents about the whole how-to-skype-my-bro-in-US-drama... I thought of my pity cousin brother living in the same house. If only my cousin can even get half of the care & concern from parents (like mine).
My dad esp do not care for him, and have always disliked him. He doesn't have a dad who will care for him since he was 6 yo. His mom is kinda reserve & quiet, living alone in Taiping. Unlike being my brother, who has a good job, a nice gf, a charming look, a very positive outlook of life, a nice black persona to drive, extremely popular with his friends... and most significantly, my bro who receive most concern by parents who worry about him first time travelling to the other end of the globe!
So now you see, its not about me being jealous or being nonchalant. This world seems unfair in the sense that some ppl (like me & my bro) are so lucky and have such wonderful caring parents to thank for... while some people don't have a parent, or don't even have proper care & concern by parent, or their parent is just not there for them.
I am still stubborn afterall... I don't see myself changing my attitude to be nicer or more concern for people. I don't know 'how' not to doh people around me when they annoy me. But I'm beginning to know how NOT to get annoyed or not to react to potential annoyance.
If answering your parents is hopeless, and not answering is useless... better just remain silent. I read this Buddhist saying somewhere :
If what you wanna say is not true & not useful, don't say it.
If what you wanna say is true but not useful, don't say it.
If what you wanna say is true & useful, say it at the right time.
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