So what 2008?

You know why I don't wanna talk about 2008? Besides having plans for many activities... on a personal level, I think I'm not ready to be 29! Because I still feel like I'm 27, sometimes when people do ask what's my age, spontaneously I'd be thinking I'm 27... but then I'll use maths to count, wait in 2007, my age would be 28! Oh gosh.... *in denial*

So don't even talk about 2008, mathematically I'll be 29 but I'm still 27. I hope I can always be 27. But I'll surely look forward to 30! Upstairs being say I'll be successful at 30 (buaahahahaha)... but even if I'm not predicted to be succesfully, I know I will be looking forward to age 30 more than being 29. Cos 29 is just the number before 30! Like I can officially say I'm 'old' when I'm 30, hence not do so much stuff and get away with it... wakakakakaz..

When I turn 30, I'll then have reason to be more concern of my health that I never care about because I'm supposed to be still young. You know like even bother to self-examine for lump in breast or do what check for what level...

When I turn 30, I'll know that I'm not young anymore, hence in my career I'll be pushing myself harder or be more proactive at work & not be so lackadaisical in updating my resume. Due to the age pressure, will want to challenge myself to be somewhere...

When I turn 30, I'll then start to wonder if I'll ever get married?

When I turn 30, I'll probably have a place of my own...

So... back to two-nine... what's there being 29? I won't get a new boyfriend at 29. I don't even know if I'll change job at 29. I've heard they say girls don't get married at 29. The world economy doesn't look so good in Q1 2008, the only 'certainty' in 2008 is the 'uncertainty' of the market. I dread to see if the funds I chose underperform and I'm answerable to my clients. They say the property bubble might burst, but then I don't even know if I should share buy property with my boyfriend? Should I join the Effective Speaking Course? Will I ever be going to Tibet? Will there be an election and can opposition win more parliamentary seats for the people's sake?

Anyway, I guess 2008 is just an extension or carry forward from 2007. Just keep snowballing the initiatives and efforts put in during 2007. If all the plans for 2008 can be pulled off successful, then 2008 will eventually end with a bang! And I'll be anticipating for the 080808 opening of the Beijing Olympics.

My hope for 2008.... that my spirit for INCOVAR and 9bugz can be sustained if not lifted to higher level... that I will meet with more wise people to mentor / guide me... that we can all successfully achieve what we've set out to acheive.... that I can continue to inspire or help people... that I'll be wiser... that the coming general election is fairer...

A toast to a wonderful 2007 that's been!

525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

How about measure the year 2007 - measure in love?

X'mas in Spore, oral surgery, Happy New Year!

When pictures paint a thousand words, I don't have to write so much. The past week has been really eventful, from missing out on the 15NOW concert just to show face at a big coconutsteamboat family reunion, to taking the bus alone from Pudu at midnight and getting down at Skudai 3am in the morning, to celebrating x'mas with sayang's family in Spore in the most Christmassy way.

X'mas eve, I used imeem to play Christmas jingles through out the night from the brother's desktop. The lights were dimmed, turkey & ham were served in most generous portion, champagne were served before and after dinner! I said, "didn't we forget to say grace?" Then everyone looked at each other... "Amituofo!"

I enjoy the company and the warm cosy feel more than the food because it was very meaty! Maybe it was the very hearty western meal for lunch, treated by myee's friend in Spore. They brought us to Miss Clarity Cafe that even have their own website! If there's one cafe here so colourful and 'girlie' I'd definitely bring my 15-year-old and 12-year-old cousin sisters! It seems every Western joint we went, there'd be Chocolaty dessert! In one short trip, I didn't have to pay for any meal at all... and get to eat what I like to eat!

What I'm most thankful for is the opportunity to visit the Nalanda Trial exhibition in the Asian Civilization Museum for free! And there was a special Buddhist guided tour by this gentleman who spoke with so 'englishy' accent but good in Chinese as well! Usually museum visit is boring to me... but this is so different! Maybe of my interest in learning Buddhist history and culture... at the room where I first saw the Buddha's relic... it just dawned on me, that's BUDDHA's RELIC?? THE BUDDHA??! (ok at this point, I thought it was the first time I saw the Buddha's relic) You know the 'rapture' feeling? Tears just trickle down... *what?! you're crying?! in public?! no no you gotta be kidding quick control!!*

I'm not sure how to explain this feeling, its like there's a strong energy or aura in the room. According to sayang, he said he could sense that there were many devas in the room! :P Anyway, moving on... we bought the souvenir book of this Nalanda Trail exhibition at $37++! Even the handbag bought at Robinson was much cheaper ler...

Alright so back to Malaysia... another xmas party with the starbugz gang on boxing day before I go on mc leave for my minor oral surgery. Gift exchange was so funny thanks to Sue's crazy idea -- you get to unwrap your gift infront of everyone and the next person gets to snatch your gift if he/she likes it! Errr... very confusing to explain to anyone. I feel sorry for snatching SF's mug... but hey it was aaron who snatched my nice porcelain tea set woh! Saved the best for last.. sayang got to unwrap the last gift (sort of least attractive present)... and aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh I want! :D Nvm surely he'll bring me along for it -- HarganDaz icecream voucher!

OK OK... now here's what I really wanna write about -- my wisdom tooth surgery. Everybody was telling me how painful it will be, and yes I've been for my first oral surgery at UPM and it was excruciatingly painful! But, I dunno if its the dentist experience or my prayer before leaving the house... the surgery was pretty smooth, the only pain was the one second anaesthetic shot and that's it! Until now, I don't feel any pain! How could this be?! Then I remember Datuk telling this to Alex Tan "you don't feel pain because you got no anger!" LOL :D

How true is this statement? I hope some one else can verify for me, that its the dentist or is it the prayer?

Happy New Year 2008 to all my friends! If you believe, let's pray or make your personal aspiration for the new year, and if you ask & believe *like attracts like* -- it will happen.

Have a merry sinful xmas!

I had such a fantastic time in Singapore for the xmas holiday, I wish to quickly blog it down before I forget. Esp on the food that I get to eat every meal. Felt so 'sinful' to be able to have so much good food to eat and its all not even with my own money!

Anyway, I'll not take too much time today as it's the only day in the week that I'll be working. Thursday I'll go for my 2nd time in my life wisdom-tooth-surgery. So all the feasting will finally end tonight, with my last round of coconutsteamboat xmas dinner before I go on my numb-spell for the rest of year...

Well, watch out for my fotopages or even story that I'll post in incovar blog!

My eccentric brother (not again!)

A weird self boast read ~ I am one lucky girl

I think this post is gonna be about how I should be really thankful and why I feel so 幸富. I just thought about myself as a person who can understand things (easily) and I just know of a girl who really cannot understand & see things clearly.

There was a simple sms I received from my buddy sunday school friend who asked about traditional medicine for cancer in KL. It is for her mom who's got breast cancer. I just thought how lucky my parents are... and how fortunate I am that I don't have to worry about my parents health *touchwood*. My dad smoke so much and never exercise and his belly is like 9 months pregnant, but his worst pain is "leg pain" which he'll recover in few days.

I'm also thankful that both my parents are very kind and understanding people that I could be proud of. There's another buddy sunday school pal whose very disappointed and definitely not proud of her dad. I've never had that thought before to be not proud of our parent. I'm so lucky to born into such wonderful parents that I'll never feel sorry for parents. My friend's dad is such a loser even I wish I can try to help or change him, but according to my friend its impossible.

How karma really works? Of course I have many friends who are like me, who have wonderful parents, great social life and big positive attitude towards life! It's true when some people say I seems to have nothing to worry about, and I'm such a happy-go-lucky person.

I think maybe its a whole cycle of giving and receiving. For me to be receiving the merits and blessings of my peaceful happy family, I should in turn continue my own purpose of life. To live a purposeful life, and to help people.

From finding out for people what's the latest fund price of certain fund... to telling you what sort of insurance policy you should need (if you didn't already know)... to bringing my aunty to go shopping with her kids... to doing camp feedback forms (although I really don't have to!)... to buying tickets... to listening to a mentally handicapped girl rant... to arranging things... to covering other colleagues... to just being there to assure you life is good!

I'm short of words now. My mind went off abit thinking what if I could become a nun now (cos I was sitting in the same table with 2 nuns from FGS during the bmsm dinner & they're very humble, caring & nice). What if I could just really let go of things and join a 10-days no-joker mind-silencer retreat? Suddenly a thought came by -- am I afraid of letting go of all the goodness and nice things in my life?

What if I try to live a day without any purpose...

Don't cry for me, Malaysia!

I would have become a political activist, if all you need is alot of passion and belief of what you truly believe in, then I'd really become one. To become somebody to take on the fight, the fight for people to see for themselves what this country truly means to them. Why can't they see it? (at the back of my mind, I really pity all the rural voters in this country who's putting them all in the house)

What about my own big town PJ where city-folks are supposed to be more aware of what's happening. Why hasn't it changed? Suddenly I have a thought that miss Chew accident is also part of the prophecy! Now everybody pity her. Even I feel so sorry for her, she's still in the hospital in Kuantan (she's gonna get more sympathy vote than wisdom vote for DAP). But I never voted for her and I wish to tell everyone not to vote for her, not because she's not nice and kindhearted, but because she's not representing your VOICE! You are screaming and shouting and crying... but nobody is standing up for what you want to say.

The law is ammended just like that.

They send them to ISA just like that.

But maybe, it is only me who is screaming and getting angry inside. From the Buddhist perspective -- it is supposed to be me that made me angry. I still can't tell WHY am I angry, why do I feel like shooting people who are ignorant of the policies & never care to find out .......

IS that it? People generally do not want to find out what's there to fight for. People do not want to rock the boat to keep life just the way it is. People do not like to progress further to be like other developed countries. People like to complain but do not want to change things.

I guess I can sum up my frustration over 2 types of people:
i) the truly ignorant group who's lowly educated who's thankful & happy for having little money in their pocket.
ii) the highly educated people who could have just find out more about what's truly happening & make that change but didn't bother.

Still newbie at Mindfulness Awakening

What's the meaning of Awakening? What's being mindful all about? From emo-intelligent training, to the Global Conf on Buddhism themed on 'Transforming The Mind', then came THE CAMP on 'Simple Steps of Wisdom, Journey to Awakening' & just yesterday I attended a Dhamma talk by a living example of a man with mindfulness.

It is very useful reminder, time and time again, on the benefits of practising mindfulness or just be aware. I have not much comment about the camp (better to leave it to the participants or hardworking committees to share) as I was more of trying to 'see' things. Just learn from the speakers, watch the participants, being there when I'm needed and live each day by the moment!

I sort of got 'awakened' at some point during the camp when I was idling and just watching... actually there's nothing much for me to do! I'm already exco and then chairperson... what more is there to do? With that thought, I realised my Dhamma knowledge is limited. That sometimes (or most of the time), I cannot speak like a Dhamma speaker on sharing all the concept, ideas and knowledge on Buddhism to the beginners. One participant was really confused about stuff and I couldn't really give a satisfactory answer. Why don't I resolve to just improve on my Dhamma knowledge and have more ready answers at the tip of my fingers?!!! That way I'll be really useful in helping people to clear doubts on Buddhism and what not. I'm contemplating.. hey Dhamma speakers course!!! *hahaha*

Meanwhile, on having to be reminded to be mindful, yes it's not easy. I've learnt the most powerful phrased during the camp, coined by Dr. Chan Kah Yein "don't think too much! 85% of your thinking is useless!"

Yesterday nite talk by Bhante Kovida, he said something about the state of awakening is when all the thinking STOP. There will be no "listener" and "sound" but just -- listening. There will be no "see-er" and "sight" but just -- seeing.

Fuiyo. Kaulat... for the Canadian monk who was brilliant as a child, who did well in science and maths, who chose the path to become a monk, to satisfy his search for the 'silent mind'. All his life when he was growing up, he said he "think too much" which doesn't give him happiness and peace. To really feel happy, peaceful, have loving-kindness and compassion, one's mind must be mindful and silent.

For the less than 5 minutes of 'trying' to be 'silent' at the start of his talk, I know my mind is too 'full of activity'. My eyes could not close for just 5 minutes! For that mere 5 minutes, I observed that my heartbeat was fast and breathing was very uneasy. Maybe it was right after dinner, the food is trying to settle in. Not a good idea to 'meditate' on a full stomach!

Maybe grasping for breath is due to my lack of exercise and using too energy in the mind.

Sayang also advised me to just 'be quiet' sometimes. At first I thought it's a sign of he's getting annoyed with me talking too much & being too noisy for him. But he said it is for my own good. I'm slowly grasping it... and sinking in with this important aspect of Buddhism -- mental cultivation -- to purify the mind.

It is already very easy for me to "do good & avoid evil" why not take the next step now, step up to the challenge and go on try it... practise and learn right mindfulness.

I once cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet

Before I take the time to blog about the 'yeo-ah-yeo wonderful camp', I wish pen this down to remind myself, that each time when faced with adversity esp in my worklife -- be humble. I had this opportunity to meet up with a brave young girl suffering from celebral palsy, a USM graduate and a finalist for a reality-tv show on tv9 for disabled people in the country. She's currently teaching computer-skills to children at the Penang Spastic Centre.

I felt so overwhelmed when she told me that she was from the Science stream in her STPM. Something which I didnt do. I'll never know how difficult STPM science stream is like, for I was so 'lucky' to get into a degree course thru a 1-year diploma (way too inferior for STPM standard).

She graduated with a degree in social science, and she can speak fluent English very slowly. She takes her time to walk and write. Mentally she's just like any other young lady who have goals in life and have wishes waiting to be realised.

When I first met her at the hotel room where she was staying (Sunday night), she was alone. As she opened the door and tried to step back she almost lost her balance. It was the first time I saw her and I felt a lil silly myself for not understanding a disabled person better.

When I arrived at the lobby, I called her to come down to go for a drink but she talked me into coming up to the room first. Only after meeting her for the first time did I realise how foolish I was: for her to walk all the way from her room to the lift, and press the button by herself, and coming out from the lift slowly and walking all the way through the lobby hall.... its gonna be very challenging for her. Anyway, I didn't ask further about going out for a drink, just being there in the hotel room and getting to know her better... has impacted my attitude towards life (for the time being.. until I lose my memory of this rare moment).

I've always being a spoilt only daughter, I yell at my dad and argue with mom at home. I conveniently get other people to do things for me even for the simplest thing like getting a ribena to drink. I'm not disable and I do not have a speech problem but I took things for granted. I complain that I have 'siu-yan' at work and I never send any love towards my colleagues.

I must be humble. If I were to speak like a God-believer I'd say that God created a few special people on this earth to touch our heart and to teach us to be grateful, caring and happy.

Fatigue...

I don't have any energy left to work today, Monday. I've not felt so lifeless at work...

Friday went for a programmers mtg that lasted way passed midnight!

Saturday morning jump up from bed early morning to pick up 3 guys before driving to Sunway for the GCB. Very good session session I & II, even the keynote address by Ven. Mahinda was very apt for our current INCOVAR camp concept, in relating to understanding the mind and staying happy. Where the 4 sublime states of mind which is Metta, Karuna, Mudita & Upekkha is truly a way of life or practise if we want to have a 'good' mind. OK pls hijack the keynote paper printed for everyone, I need to take the time to read all the papers written all the speakers.

Sat afternoon -- what a surprise, I met up Sau Yee my schoolmate aka 'bus friend' who happens to be the standin official PHOTOGRAPHER for the event! She recognised me first... and I couldn't even tell who's she for 3 seconds! Gossh... if I'd uttered 'who u?' *cannot imagine*

So yada yada, times up had to rush home to change into dinner baju and head on to Puchong to carpool with 3 other upm-coursemates for a wedding dinner in Sg Pelek, that's a holy 1++ hr of driving thanks to the slow tractor occupy the one lane street! Couldn't believe I left my mobile phone at home in the midst of rushing out... I'd roped in my Klang coursemate to go help my INCOVAR friends for the Bamboo mission for Sunday, and I'm handphone-less?!

Sunday morning -- 7am jump up from bed, let the dog out (mom is away for 2 weeks so I'm co-dog sitter & housekeeper) dragged myself all the way for morning walk at Kiara.. then went to Seapark to buy Ribena & junks for a class party starting at 11am at my Sunday school. Oh and I forgot to print out the Feedback form for the school teachers to fill in (it was last day of school). So sharks I was splitting my body into doing printing/distributing feedback form and attending a kids party and ensuring the latest newsletter is given all out(got a girl to help).

I couldn't help to clean up the mess for the class, really thankful for my nice co-teacher to clean up the mess while we let go the kids early, and I rushed off to change into a dress & head on to KLCC for the "Swan Lake" mpo concert ~ that nearly made me wanna doze off. It was really CLASSICAL music + ballerina in tight pants spinning around. I could help wonder what if the 'prince' is turned on... I tried very hard to stay awake until the end of the show... made some wrong turn at kl.. finally got home to change & zoom off to BGF.

It's gonna be 7pm where the meet up with Spore youth will commence, and I couldn't get anybody to reply my sms that they'd be bringing the food. I drop the bgf key to CO and then went to Nanking to order rm130 worth of food, then back to BGF to confirm food is definitely NOT enuff and there's no ice. So CO drove me to get ice and tapao alot more non-vegetarian food and came back... started the session when everyone is there.

The night went well, with some output and alot of conversation Having Said That yadayada.. and I'm so thankful that the Msian people came and it turned out well. I finally got home... to bath, change, sweep the floor.. cannot tahan.. zzzzzzzzzz....

Monday morning -- jump off the bed -- im LATE! Geezzz.. where is my mom?! Grrrrr.... need to let the dog out shit, clean up the peepee on the flr, get changed in split seconds, dash out of the house and pray that I can get a parking near my office and dragged my feet up to my desk.

This is how I'm feeling sooooooooooooooooooo tired today. First time I went to the toilet cubicle to take a short nap in the office!

Rojax mix all-in-1 update

I'm going off to Cameron Highlands on Friday, buy some flowers & take some pictures, then next day help sayang to arrange flowers for SBS for Kathina on early Sunday morning. Pretty happening, the most happening part is knowing my Indian neighbour (the entire family) will be going to Cameron Highlands too for Deepavali! *Aiyaah there goes my neighbour aunty's Thosai & curry...* Who else will I be meeting in Camerons? My cousin sis from Penang!

Like no wonder I couldn't get to book the 'hostel' that I wanted -- Father's Guest House. But not complaining cos I read a horrible review about the management being 'racist', they only allow gweilo to stay in the dorm -- wtf. Like if you're Malaysians you cannot book or stay a certain specified type of room cos its specially reserved for foreigners. Like huurrrllllooo???

Anyway, I've been waiting to blog about my recent interesting "dinner" organised by the man himself Mr. Tony Pua for Petaling Jaya residence with the apt theme of "To Lead Malaysia Forward". If you're into politics and not sensitive (with my words) then check out my ahmoi blog. Oh ya and how can I forget that, on 10th November, when I'll be in Taiping there's this BERSIH peaceful people's gathering -- Coalition for Clean & Fair Elections. Pls wear YELLOW. I do wish to join, really... its gonna be so happening! Bet Med will be there (google abit & found she's the secretariat!). This petite lady that I first got to know when I first volunteered as polling agent in the last election, she's a very yau-yeng activist to me. Feel like shouting out that she's linked to me on Facebook! :p *did I tell you politicians also on facebook?! Like Fong Po Kuan just baru signed up for it*

This blog entry is like crap, all rojak story mix into one. I attended NS's grandpa 90th bday dinner which means I missed out on my cllg's wedding dinner (where most of my cllg attended except me & I didn't even bother to tumpang give angpow). Why?! Because Kevin my Indon cllg say that back in his homeland if you're not married you DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT give angpow in whatsoever condition, be in expensive wedding. Then I said what you're just gonna go have dinner for free?! He said -- maybe will get a gift. *rolled eye* Ok the other not so important reason was that I didn't feel like I giving *ahem* cos he's the guy sitting same row as me -- the you know who. Gosshh.... cannot imagine when he's back from his honeymoon & found out if I've unintentionally stepped his back.

Work -- at work been really busy these days, esp trying to find out why these sms-agents on user machines are not 'healthy'. And I found out that you-know-who's team of field engineers were not doing a proper job in agent verification, and then the ball landed onto my court (system not productive). Blaaahhhh you'd be clueless to know what I'm yakking about, but anyway I totally enjoyed investigation / troubleshooting / learning something new technically. I get shit bored doing the same ol' routine server and engine checking, and because of my laziness -- i got screwed. "Warning" email received from my manager, for not following the 'process' which resulted in the engine being down undetacted & causing their reporting inaccuracy that made the client so unhappy. Me... the girl who can find out all the rootcauses of problems but more prominently known as the girl who didn't follow process (in the eyes of the big big boss sitting far far away in Singapore).

Somemore, attended the "Chicago" musical concert this evening -- ok lah! Free tickets what... not like the seats were sooo front, its quite far. I don't know any of the song except 'All That Jazz'. Good performance to be razzled dazzled with.

GCB -- this one also kuan ngo si... not that its kuan ngo si, but im just helping out with getting more students to join.

Ohya, before I end this, what's been most most eventful over last weekend, was my staying up late all the way till 4.30am to meet the Monday morning deadline to deliver my Sunday School 24pages of newsletter for printing. Thankful for knowing my printer who can accomodate my tight schedule, have to get it out this coming Sunday (when I'm not around)... but I'm really glad its all over. When you put your mind and heart into it, it can all conspire to make things happen for you... I had only 2 editors cum proofreaders working virtually online with me. I'm the layout/formatting technical person that I am. I think I finished it off quite quickly, as I used Indesign instead of Illustrator (learning the vital tips from Pevin & Sue). What would take 5 hours in illustrator would take only 1 hour in indesign, esp on the arrangement of the pages.

Aahhh.. in life, there's no complain if you're doing things that you enjoy doing! And things will surely work out anyway for you -- the secret.

The secret of The Secret, according to Datuk is our Karma. Dohhhh......