That's what my dad said about me. I practically told the whole world that it's my bday today. Nah, its the way I talk. Was on dinner table, when somebody called, so since I knew its on the screen who's the caller, I answered the phone by shouting 'Happy Birthday to me!'. Lol.. well, that's exactly what I heard from the other end...
At work, last week, I sorta spill it out to the SG mgr that Monday evening is no good for me for team gathering, where he asked me, so I told why. Next thing I know, the MY mgr emailed to our team for farewell cum bday lunch on Monday. But the sad thing was the restaurant -- we ended up have vegetarian lunch at Nanking. Err.. no I dont really enjoy eating alot of beancurd foodstuff. Due is this to miscommunication, when SG mgr invited guys from the other team that involved a Muslim, who didnt turn up for the lunch do anyway.
Anyway, it was one of the most boring company eating session at a round table. I've never felt so awkward with 'people' before. Even the SG mgr commented 'u guys are really so shy?'. Aiyooo... I really dont want to be sooo quiet, but I cant start talking. On my left side, my ultra quiet & shy old teamlead. On my right, the vain guy who doesn't mix well with English-speaking guys. Further on the right is my new teamlead who's English is not so good either. How 'showy' do I want to portray myself to be? Just went on with the flow, and pretend that there's stone in my mouth.
Later towards 5.30pm, my teamlead said "lets go pantry, they bought a cake for you". That was REALLY unexpected. This is a company with NO birthday celebration culture before! Whoaah... MJ broke the chain :P LOL. The cake is bought by my new teamlead, probably advised by the SG mgr, all trying to 'buy us' to boost our morale. Just give face, went to pantry, with cllg from even the other team, all walked away from their desks to the pantry, to sing me a birthday song.
The sad thing is, they bought me a Mocha cake. I dunno to laugh or to cry. I DO NOT DRINK COFFEE. Seriously, I will puke when I take a sip. So the cake, I TRY to bite it, but I couldn't bring myself to bite it. I hope they didn't see me 'not eating' the cake. I was busy cutting and serving and then packing. So maybe they didn't realise, I succeeded in not eating the cake they purposely buy for me, without anybody knowing.
Another Doh story, the SG mgr asked me infront of everyone, so how old are you this year? What is your animal sign? I replied "goat" and he said "oh you must be a little goat!"
Oh ya! I have NO IDEA what he meant, I said "oh no im a big size goat!".
~*~
Continue from the story above... towards the night, I was somewhat duped into a 'yamcha' session organised by Jo. *how sweet*.. :P and I sorta mistaken its a gathering with DJ schoolmates cos my friend dropped by my house, gave me a Michael Buble latest CD and apologized for not able to make it for the yamcha session. So anyway, there was at the cafe, with the usual bunch of INCOVARians -- who else, who would sacrify Monday late night evening entertaining me :D *awwww shooo flattered*...
At the end of the night, when I thought I wanna speed home, I saw 3 human-monkeys, that was so funny, even funnier, that I didn't know what were the 'signs' of these monkeys -- I waved bye bye to them, instead of stopping the car -- which was what the hand movements actually meant! Yeah, KNS went jumping so high up, I thought 'wah no need to so semangat wave good bye gua..'
So anyway, I got another gift! *shoo sweet* Another CD!
~*~
Incase my bday story didnt end there, the bunch of idc committees, although its the next day already, I must of course be thankful they bothered to STILL celebrate it, and bought me another -- mocha cake!!! :D I really felt blessed that people there for me, meanwhile I gotta list of 'what-i-dont-eat' published / make it known publicly.. haha... Sometimes you wish you're not so smart, didn't realise this time I could 'guess' what they were up to, when ppl are whispering infront of you and not telling you anything ~ Doh.
~*~
And on Wed, had nice pasta dinner with my buddies at Italiannes.
~*~
Enough?? Yeah.. enough. Thank you, thank you all!
Monday, September 18, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
...People...
How cool/uncool is it to talk about ...people...
- There's a guy on msn, who came for 1 camp, and before you knew it, he kept bugging me about the date of the next camp. Although have already said the tentative was 7th to 10th Dec, he was trying to persuade me to change the date so that he wont miss the camp due to his bro's wedding. Alas, the camp date is set, and he cudn't make it. Now we're talking abt the camp next year! Oh boy, like hello?! He's only in his 2nd yr of uni and he's afraid of missing one IDC?!?!!
- Myself. I'm so weird. I just know I am. At work, with friends, on msn whatever. I dont mean this the bad way, but I'm just trying to keep it 'normal', my attitude / feelings towards anybody. I know I get agitated aka feel-its-so-Doh when I encounter with...people.
Eg. teamlead ask "what do you want for your bday? SG-boss is asking the your new-teamlead to buy a present for you." Well, instead of saying thank you, you know what really goes thru my brain -- yeah.. DDDDOOOHHHH!!!!!
Eg. SG-boss who saw me still sitting in the office at nearly 6pm (but not really doing work, but I dont know he knew) and said "MJ, why are you still here, its Friday evening, you should be out there!" All I can do is just fakely smile and start calling for my dad to quickly come pick me up to go home.
- My wonderful happy cranky folks. (see I'd call them parents, but the Aus guy call them folks). I've really swallowed in alot of happenings that wanders through my mind without sharing it with my folks, and finally its Fri night and I really want to let it all out to them... when I started yakking nonstop at the restaurant about the people at work & what's my strategy at my present company, they were really listening... until the part where I said it in one breath "You know both my SG & MY managers really like me!" -- the dinner table burst into one big laughter! My dad almost spill his mouthful of rice & rubbed his head & body, shaking his head. My mom really laughed like she's never laughed for a long time.
What's so funny?! Well for my folks, it is a hilarious joke. My parents cannot take in self-praise. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I grew up with parents who probably never praise / compliment me anything, until it is a big joke for me to praise myself. Doh. Luckily my EQ, IQ, SQ also high, I think. (see the self-praise again?! *cough cough*). Maybe, if my parents were to raise me & my bro the way modern parents do, then I wouldn't be what I am today. I'm not sure...
- My teammate that I work together with. He's a jerk. But I do not behave like I think he's a jerk. My parents may think - oh so what that he dare to sleep during office hour, means he really knew how to do his work or he's finished his work. For me, I dont care. But when other boss / cllg start talking about him behind his back, and asking me what I think... to hell with him, why do you care?! I dont care! The MY mgr who works well with me, but not with him has a problem with talking to him & vice versa. So the MY mgr goes thru me. Any 'warning' the the MY mgr wants to give to him, I'm being cc too, cos we're a team & all rules apply to me. Yet, I can safely say, I dont need these rules. I never took MC and I was never late unnotified. This teammate (remember the vain guy, who thinks he's the coolest), I dont know if I should laugh or cry. He think he's so cool & honest, where he speaks his mind unconditionally, he told the big big big boss (during a rare meetup opportunity) that he will resign since he's unhappy.
Ok, no problem with me still. But he also added on, that 'infact the whole team is planning to leave'. I almost crossed my heart & hope to die. The team is left with just me & him. It's either 1 of us get to be teamlead or we get a new teamlead. He killed my chance. It could be good or a bad move by him, the mgt is now scared of losing us, they're putting a carrot infront of the horse now. This whole drama of I-give-you-$-but-only-next-year-u-receive-it crap will probably help pacify my teammate, not to leave so soon.
- I'm sooo nice. I'm too nice. I can get everybody to like me but I dont like anybody! I think I can take on the game of Survivor with my prawn-behind-stone mindset :P haha. But of course, most people will say I'm so innocent & naive and too kind-hearted. True or not, lifes goes on.
- SG mgr. He's gonna be my appraiser. In my first time f2f with him for a small talk, when he suddenly called to meet at a temp cubile, he asked "how's work?". OK, so he's the boss I cant give a DOH answer, I said "normal". In which he replied "that's positive, I like how you say it". ***god knows how many Doh, went thru my head*** Looking at him talk, with his naturally stern big square face, its not scary, it's DOH. How could anybody be born with that face?!?! I knew he's only 30+, he commented abt his age "I feel like a fossil!".
- My new teamlead. How could ANYBODY from other team (not really technical at that) in this company, be willing to VOLUNTEER to replace my old teamlead? The next thing before anybody could take a guess, SG mgr announces in email for old teamlead to handover to new teamlead. New teamlead was unaware (maybe pretending) that she didn't know by just raising her hand, she would get the job. My old teamlead was very surprised how it all happened so quickly.
- Another Doh thing to do for me: To teach my new teamlead & help her to understand our team. Maybe I can see more good things that could possibly happen to me, than bad things. So with that positive attitude, I will continue to strive on and work hard. One exMgr parting words with us "what is your objective? what do you want to acheive for yourself in this company?" ... and that's how he survived 10 yrs before moving on for greener pasture.
Well, actually I'm already smiling inside. Its bitter sweet goodbye for my old teamlead. It will also be a new bitter sweet rollercoaster ride from now on. Now, I have the opportunity to atleast set the expectation with mgt & mgt with me. I like this setting of expectation. Dont like to be a fool.
- There's a guy on msn, who came for 1 camp, and before you knew it, he kept bugging me about the date of the next camp. Although have already said the tentative was 7th to 10th Dec, he was trying to persuade me to change the date so that he wont miss the camp due to his bro's wedding. Alas, the camp date is set, and he cudn't make it. Now we're talking abt the camp next year! Oh boy, like hello?! He's only in his 2nd yr of uni and he's afraid of missing one IDC?!?!!
- Myself. I'm so weird. I just know I am. At work, with friends, on msn whatever. I dont mean this the bad way, but I'm just trying to keep it 'normal', my attitude / feelings towards anybody. I know I get agitated aka feel-its-so-Doh when I encounter with...people.
Eg. teamlead ask "what do you want for your bday? SG-boss is asking the your new-teamlead to buy a present for you." Well, instead of saying thank you, you know what really goes thru my brain -- yeah.. DDDDOOOHHHH!!!!!
Eg. SG-boss who saw me still sitting in the office at nearly 6pm (but not really doing work, but I dont know he knew) and said "MJ, why are you still here, its Friday evening, you should be out there!" All I can do is just fakely smile and start calling for my dad to quickly come pick me up to go home.
- My wonderful happy cranky folks. (see I'd call them parents, but the Aus guy call them folks). I've really swallowed in alot of happenings that wanders through my mind without sharing it with my folks, and finally its Fri night and I really want to let it all out to them... when I started yakking nonstop at the restaurant about the people at work & what's my strategy at my present company, they were really listening... until the part where I said it in one breath "You know both my SG & MY managers really like me!" -- the dinner table burst into one big laughter! My dad almost spill his mouthful of rice & rubbed his head & body, shaking his head. My mom really laughed like she's never laughed for a long time.
What's so funny?! Well for my folks, it is a hilarious joke. My parents cannot take in self-praise. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I grew up with parents who probably never praise / compliment me anything, until it is a big joke for me to praise myself. Doh. Luckily my EQ, IQ, SQ also high, I think. (see the self-praise again?! *cough cough*). Maybe, if my parents were to raise me & my bro the way modern parents do, then I wouldn't be what I am today. I'm not sure...
- My teammate that I work together with. He's a jerk. But I do not behave like I think he's a jerk. My parents may think - oh so what that he dare to sleep during office hour, means he really knew how to do his work or he's finished his work. For me, I dont care. But when other boss / cllg start talking about him behind his back, and asking me what I think... to hell with him, why do you care?! I dont care! The MY mgr who works well with me, but not with him has a problem with talking to him & vice versa. So the MY mgr goes thru me. Any 'warning' the the MY mgr wants to give to him, I'm being cc too, cos we're a team & all rules apply to me. Yet, I can safely say, I dont need these rules. I never took MC and I was never late unnotified. This teammate (remember the vain guy, who thinks he's the coolest), I dont know if I should laugh or cry. He think he's so cool & honest, where he speaks his mind unconditionally, he told the big big big boss (during a rare meetup opportunity) that he will resign since he's unhappy.
Ok, no problem with me still. But he also added on, that 'infact the whole team is planning to leave'. I almost crossed my heart & hope to die. The team is left with just me & him. It's either 1 of us get to be teamlead or we get a new teamlead. He killed my chance. It could be good or a bad move by him, the mgt is now scared of losing us, they're putting a carrot infront of the horse now. This whole drama of I-give-you-$-but-only-next-year-u-receive-it crap will probably help pacify my teammate, not to leave so soon.
- I'm sooo nice. I'm too nice. I can get everybody to like me but I dont like anybody! I think I can take on the game of Survivor with my prawn-behind-stone mindset :P haha. But of course, most people will say I'm so innocent & naive and too kind-hearted. True or not, lifes goes on.
- SG mgr. He's gonna be my appraiser. In my first time f2f with him for a small talk, when he suddenly called to meet at a temp cubile, he asked "how's work?". OK, so he's the boss I cant give a DOH answer, I said "normal". In which he replied "that's positive, I like how you say it". ***god knows how many Doh, went thru my head*** Looking at him talk, with his naturally stern big square face, its not scary, it's DOH. How could anybody be born with that face?!?! I knew he's only 30+, he commented abt his age "I feel like a fossil!".
- My new teamlead. How could ANYBODY from other team (not really technical at that) in this company, be willing to VOLUNTEER to replace my old teamlead? The next thing before anybody could take a guess, SG mgr announces in email for old teamlead to handover to new teamlead. New teamlead was unaware (maybe pretending) that she didn't know by just raising her hand, she would get the job. My old teamlead was very surprised how it all happened so quickly.
- Another Doh thing to do for me: To teach my new teamlead & help her to understand our team. Maybe I can see more good things that could possibly happen to me, than bad things. So with that positive attitude, I will continue to strive on and work hard. One exMgr parting words with us "what is your objective? what do you want to acheive for yourself in this company?" ... and that's how he survived 10 yrs before moving on for greener pasture.
Well, actually I'm already smiling inside. Its bitter sweet goodbye for my old teamlead. It will also be a new bitter sweet rollercoaster ride from now on. Now, I have the opportunity to atleast set the expectation with mgt & mgt with me. I like this setting of expectation. Dont like to be a fool.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Can't sing 'I Lay My Love On You' during Puja...
Can you believe that? Well.. actually its understandable since the comment came from senior teacher who haven't really listened to the lyrics but everybody know the title of the song and that its a POP song. With that I'm being told to 'next time sing more Buddhistic songs during Puja'...
*pllleeerrtttt* all smile again. I am still as neutral as I'll ever be with all that environment want me to be. Alright, next song to teach my class would be the difficult cool song 'My Beautiful Friend', ok you know its really hard to sing this sone in tune lah, esp following the male voice.
Did you know, my class is totally blown off by the song 'Brahma of my Heart'. So the effort to take on a Sunsch class is made easier, by having a CD player + CD.. hehe. Young kinds enjoy singing!
Well, maybe on the other hand, my inability to teach proper Buddhism in the class is due to my lack of research / knowledge! Errr... imagining if I was a young kid again, very naive and inferior, I didnt enjoy Dhamma class at all! I enjoyed the hymn singing competition most, and still remember how I played win-lose-or-draw. I remember the people: the odd one, the glamourous, the boring & lame, the NKOTB-freaks etc.
Where was I... Puja.. songs... *yawn* imagine if I could revolutionize a Sunday Dhamma School.
*pllleeerrtttt* all smile again. I am still as neutral as I'll ever be with all that environment want me to be. Alright, next song to teach my class would be the difficult cool song 'My Beautiful Friend', ok you know its really hard to sing this sone in tune lah, esp following the male voice.
Did you know, my class is totally blown off by the song 'Brahma of my Heart'. So the effort to take on a Sunsch class is made easier, by having a CD player + CD.. hehe. Young kinds enjoy singing!
Well, maybe on the other hand, my inability to teach proper Buddhism in the class is due to my lack of research / knowledge! Errr... imagining if I was a young kid again, very naive and inferior, I didnt enjoy Dhamma class at all! I enjoyed the hymn singing competition most, and still remember how I played win-lose-or-draw. I remember the people: the odd one, the glamourous, the boring & lame, the NKOTB-freaks etc.
Where was I... Puja.. songs... *yawn* imagine if I could revolutionize a Sunday Dhamma School.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Wishful Thinking
Try search on the word 'corporate + management strategy + opportunity' and I found some online books and guess what this company:
Accenture (NYSE: ACN)
Global management consulting and technology services organization.
Category: Management Consulting
In my mind, I'm really interested in this whole yau yeng (ok if only I could be more professional with my speech!!) corporate management strategy idea, and that's the higher aim that I have in mind that is still keeping me sane with my work life. Ultimately, I want to know how on earth or where do I find the opportunity to switch to consulting group of my current co. Right now I'm 100% in outsourcing / servicing, probably the most I could reach is to manage an outsourcing contract or project.
I guess by writing a blog here will not help me to get to what I want, if I didn't try to go out there and stretch my arm to reach for it. Well, I cant turn back clock and tell myself to study harder in uni to score better cgpa so that they'd consider me for a consulting role in THAT company! Regret now? No... I never see myself first class anyway.
What about my career? I really do see myself there, being able to be with the management but I gotta start from somewhere. There's so many ways, tried or untried, direct or indirect, being flirty or serious, be tactful or too loud, have tien1chai2 or kou3chai2? I'm longing to find my niche in this market. I wish to seek out for a mentor / advisor in my current co, regardless of whether I stay or I go, atleast I could have a new referee. It's unfortunate that in my last company, I couldn't meet eye-to-eye with any senior.
I feel I have so much that I want and I can contribute to this company, not because I like it alot, but because its a big company with a huge gap in business-process improvement! I'm not sure if the global counterpart is of six-sigma standard, but the local standard is as bad as my mom's ex-cinapek company that she couldn't tolerate.
In my mind, I'm thinking would be good if the MD could engage Cj's company to come re-train the local/regional management staff. Now I could see the value that it would bring, but I wonder what's stopping them from opening the door to new phase of life, potentially with less problem leading to more profit. Maybe it's the part where Cj says "people dont know what they dont know".
Atleast I think I'm talking as if I'm at the level of "I know what I dont know". Hopefully in years to come, I'll reach the "I know what I know" stage, like those managers.
I wanted to share with my teamlead the mindset of selling / viewing things, in jyon's blog its called P=O, think it means Problems = Opportunity. My UT trainers would say Objections = Opportunities. Her life motto -- "you dont cheat people and dont let people cheat you" -- is not inspiring enough. After having gained deeper understanding of the nature of the world, just like how I've been rooted with Buddhism, I just have to acknowledge the fact that the world is afterall rooted with greed, hatred & delusion.
Feels like a wishful thinking to lead a meaningful IT-corporate lifestyle with strong Buddhist philosophy influence. I still have this wishful thinking of having the opportunity to meet an inspiring manager amongst all the fakers that could lead me the way, to sustain a better career alongside a purposeful life ahead.
*keep dreaming* maybe someday my prince will come.. *cough cough*... cut the crap, go to sleep.
Accenture (NYSE: ACN)
Global management consulting and technology services organization.
Category: Management Consulting
In my mind, I'm really interested in this whole yau yeng (ok if only I could be more professional with my speech!!) corporate management strategy idea, and that's the higher aim that I have in mind that is still keeping me sane with my work life. Ultimately, I want to know how on earth or where do I find the opportunity to switch to consulting group of my current co. Right now I'm 100% in outsourcing / servicing, probably the most I could reach is to manage an outsourcing contract or project.
I guess by writing a blog here will not help me to get to what I want, if I didn't try to go out there and stretch my arm to reach for it. Well, I cant turn back clock and tell myself to study harder in uni to score better cgpa so that they'd consider me for a consulting role in THAT company! Regret now? No... I never see myself first class anyway.
What about my career? I really do see myself there, being able to be with the management but I gotta start from somewhere. There's so many ways, tried or untried, direct or indirect, being flirty or serious, be tactful or too loud, have tien1chai2 or kou3chai2? I'm longing to find my niche in this market. I wish to seek out for a mentor / advisor in my current co, regardless of whether I stay or I go, atleast I could have a new referee. It's unfortunate that in my last company, I couldn't meet eye-to-eye with any senior.
I feel I have so much that I want and I can contribute to this company, not because I like it alot, but because its a big company with a huge gap in business-process improvement! I'm not sure if the global counterpart is of six-sigma standard, but the local standard is as bad as my mom's ex-cinapek company that she couldn't tolerate.
In my mind, I'm thinking would be good if the MD could engage Cj's company to come re-train the local/regional management staff. Now I could see the value that it would bring, but I wonder what's stopping them from opening the door to new phase of life, potentially with less problem leading to more profit. Maybe it's the part where Cj says "people dont know what they dont know".
Atleast I think I'm talking as if I'm at the level of "I know what I dont know". Hopefully in years to come, I'll reach the "I know what I know" stage, like those managers.
I wanted to share with my teamlead the mindset of selling / viewing things, in jyon's blog its called P=O, think it means Problems = Opportunity. My UT trainers would say Objections = Opportunities. Her life motto -- "you dont cheat people and dont let people cheat you" -- is not inspiring enough. After having gained deeper understanding of the nature of the world, just like how I've been rooted with Buddhism, I just have to acknowledge the fact that the world is afterall rooted with greed, hatred & delusion.
Feels like a wishful thinking to lead a meaningful IT-corporate lifestyle with strong Buddhist philosophy influence. I still have this wishful thinking of having the opportunity to meet an inspiring manager amongst all the fakers that could lead me the way, to sustain a better career alongside a purposeful life ahead.
*keep dreaming* maybe someday my prince will come.. *cough cough*... cut the crap, go to sleep.
Friday, September 01, 2006
She resigns today..
It did not come at all unexpected, I wasn't too surprised, its just the timing that is too quick.
Somehow before I go further, I realised something, that my schoolmate-now-lunchmate is reading my blog! :P Here I am praying that work-related people will not discover my worklife thrashing, there I directed her to read my blog for update. Aiya... promise u're not going to share it with ur hubby ya!
Actually, I do wonder what's wrong with letting people know how shitty an organisation is, but its not the first time I'm advised to pretend / not reveal the truth. All because 'the IT world is very small' she said. She's resigned without even having a new offer but she's being advised not to reveal how disappointed she is with the co. This really goes a long way from my learning of the 5 Precepts in Sunday school.
So when ppl ask why, I have to tell 'oh she got a new offer in a small company'. Basically I guess not many will care to ask, this place is kinda cold. There's no bday, no farewell, no trust. When ppl leave, they just leave quietly and disappear.
It's really.... remember at Ac, my teamlead & me (the only 2 gals) kept a bday track and we celebrated bdays for teammembers & even for the clients. And I was also given a surprise by my fellow multiracial workmates with a lovely cake! Sep 2003 yeah!
This Sep 2006, I'm thinking of applying leave! Gosh... how boring is that!
Oh ya.. my point of my teamlead finally calling it quit... I asked "do you feel relief and happy now?" she replied "no, im worried that within this 1 month they'll make my life even more miserable!".
Next week, the AU mgr together with the SG ppl will come down. I'm already immune to all the jokers, my current wish is for my teamlead to be strong. To forgive and forget about this hard-to-tolerate corporation. Her philosophy of life is "dont lie to people, and dont let ppl lie to you". To which I replied "I've been lied to so many times without even know it, so it doesn't matter!".
Maybe if my mind is more earth-based, not so holistic, then I can differentiate better what's a lie. But I dont wish to be contaminated that way just to learn the sad truth of earth-life.
Look beyond this work, look beyond this career, look beyond this lifespan, look at a supramundane life ;) ok ok.. crapping now... i know... how idealic if I could just be at the temple now as a volunteer, just providing services and reaching out to people!
I should seriously consider not be a slave to $$$? Oh you mean, I should work harder in my unit trust sales so that I could close millions of deals so that I could have a fat cheque to retire now?! Yeah fat hope.
Somehow before I go further, I realised something, that my schoolmate-now-lunchmate is reading my blog! :P Here I am praying that work-related people will not discover my worklife thrashing, there I directed her to read my blog for update. Aiya... promise u're not going to share it with ur hubby ya!
Actually, I do wonder what's wrong with letting people know how shitty an organisation is, but its not the first time I'm advised to pretend / not reveal the truth. All because 'the IT world is very small' she said. She's resigned without even having a new offer but she's being advised not to reveal how disappointed she is with the co. This really goes a long way from my learning of the 5 Precepts in Sunday school.
So when ppl ask why, I have to tell 'oh she got a new offer in a small company'. Basically I guess not many will care to ask, this place is kinda cold. There's no bday, no farewell, no trust. When ppl leave, they just leave quietly and disappear.
It's really.... remember at Ac, my teamlead & me (the only 2 gals) kept a bday track and we celebrated bdays for teammembers & even for the clients. And I was also given a surprise by my fellow multiracial workmates with a lovely cake! Sep 2003 yeah!
This Sep 2006, I'm thinking of applying leave! Gosh... how boring is that!
Oh ya.. my point of my teamlead finally calling it quit... I asked "do you feel relief and happy now?" she replied "no, im worried that within this 1 month they'll make my life even more miserable!".
Next week, the AU mgr together with the SG ppl will come down. I'm already immune to all the jokers, my current wish is for my teamlead to be strong. To forgive and forget about this hard-to-tolerate corporation. Her philosophy of life is "dont lie to people, and dont let ppl lie to you". To which I replied "I've been lied to so many times without even know it, so it doesn't matter!".
Maybe if my mind is more earth-based, not so holistic, then I can differentiate better what's a lie. But I dont wish to be contaminated that way just to learn the sad truth of earth-life.
Look beyond this work, look beyond this career, look beyond this lifespan, look at a supramundane life ;) ok ok.. crapping now... i know... how idealic if I could just be at the temple now as a volunteer, just providing services and reaching out to people!
I should seriously consider not be a slave to $$$? Oh you mean, I should work harder in my unit trust sales so that I could close millions of deals so that I could have a fat cheque to retire now?! Yeah fat hope.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Metta to Chief , peace to thyself
I think I'm somewhat emotional today.
Just had an msn argument abt politics and I forgot how it began, but the end point of knowing who he'll not vote if he had to vote, just made me felt a huge sigh of relief. Cos I felt the gas inside my body is like neck high.
Maybe, well most highly probably due to my work-pressure, that I try to keep soooo cool about. I could still keep such a straightface at work, when faced with the ultimatum 'you have no choice but to find other opportunity outside, in this place there's no hope for career'.
Today Merdeka Day, while shopping at a mall (not that I'm too free, but I went to close a unit trust deal), received a call abt Chief passing away. Then I started sending a few sms out. It's amazing how sms works, I received the same sms I've sent out from diff ppl. Anyway, I also sms sent to mr. K, the once exec director of P***M who hired me & I worked for only 1 day. Then he called me back (while I was locked inside the toilet cubicle!! Doh..) to ask about my life. Really good to know that there's some big guy out there, who's still willing to give an opportunity!
And this comes in the time of crisis when I'm re-strategizing my next career path. From what I briefly shared abt my current workshit corporate kungfu life, he said "this is IT world, there's no relationship at all. Either you're useful or useless." Then I guess he heard all those flushing sound over the mobile, it was a short chat and off I went to do my business :P & pondering on those words 'useful' or 'useless'.
My teamlead is 'not useful' to the mgt. Even I feel it that way. But I owe it to her for fighting for my permanent employment & good salary. I was and still am very useful to her. My crisis is, I do not know how useful I am to the company who thinks my teamlead is useless. Many a times, I felt I could do a better job than her, and I will not give shit to the management like how she'd do, for having the salary that I'm being paid for. My dilemma : how do I get pass her to get into a position where I'll be proven useful for the company? Honestly, I cant do that in my right frame of mind.
Maybe provided.... Well, I really do not want to have the bad intention of wishing her to be removed or she willingly resign, yet but that's the fact of corporate life. That's the only way I can mark my next move. That is if the company do not entirely remove the whole team due to her uselesness. When she genuinely shows her concern abt my career & my next move, I'm so cool in answering her... just couldn't really share all thoughts inside me. [ed. edit/deleted portion deemed unfit]
The management itself has its own screwed up issue, that's another game to play altogether if ever I want to survive and add value. Yes this game is not played on a fair ground. I do hope that other firms out there are not as pathetic. You know its the time for appraisal now, I'm really looking forward to it. But its a gruesome challenge for my teamlead she knows she's as good as dead. But I'm clueless. I'm nobody trying to fight to be somebody. My appraiser will be the mgr based in Sg who'd blacklisted our team and wants my teamlead dead. He's a young guy, 30+, have met once before, very good at talking and taichi, not worthy of my admiration. How would he evaluate me? This is really interesting question. I really want to meet him and find out what he thinks about me / my performance / my usefulness, not because I'm hardup to climb the corporate ladder or brush his shoe, I just need to know. For out of curiousity sake!
My review of me during my industrial training: everything good except communication.
My review at Ac: mostly good but shud improve on communication skill (yeah again!).
My review at my last stupid co: no proper review done but I always get praises cos they're all stupid you see, they even called up the client (now my employer) to find out abt me & only good news.
My review for this year, with my new co? -- really sooo hard to tell that makes me even more eager & curious to find out!
Give me a break. Should get back to work? You know I've been thrown somesort of a homework, actually we've done that before but the mgt do not agree / trust our team's finding, so there I've been asked to re-verify status of 100+ pc over the public holiday and revert by tomorrow 3pm. Friend.... I dont mind doing work that I know I can do. But on a public holiday, how am I going to call up each one of the 100+ users to verify the authencity? Oh yeah.. so my teamlead said "go dig back all the old files that we've recorded our finding"... but the problem is, the records were not exactly complete and previously we were doing it wrongly (oh I hate to say this, but my teamlead didnt know the right way).. so whatever old record I could dig out -- will STILL make the verification output -- incorrect!
You get my point??? How do I tell that to my teamlead, that she's screwed. Question is whether they're trying to break her intentionally or not.
In times of crisis lies opportunities, I so wish to hang on to that. Every morning must pray to Kuanyin before coming to work now. My move now is 'see step walk step'. Also trying to work extra hard, brag abit with my englishpower & diplomacy in the email-arena (yes even the SG ppl, except the mgr writes with grammatic error)... in my ulterior motive of getting good appraisal come mid Sep!
Oh please do not reveal this blog to any of my work-related to associate.
*breath*... I think I better take a good rest for the night... its been a long day.
Wish Chief is reborn into a better place, of course would be best to be in Nirvana, but then if he's reach Nirvana, he wouldn't have to be reborn. I dont exactly believe he's attained Nirvanic bliss but I'd wish and hope and pray that he'll attain a higher realm of bliss, whatever realm that is. You may read more at Buddhist Channel.
My peace be within me, I was nearing to explode. Dont know where I get all my emotions from.
Just had an msn argument abt politics and I forgot how it began, but the end point of knowing who he'll not vote if he had to vote, just made me felt a huge sigh of relief. Cos I felt the gas inside my body is like neck high.
Maybe, well most highly probably due to my work-pressure, that I try to keep soooo cool about. I could still keep such a straightface at work, when faced with the ultimatum 'you have no choice but to find other opportunity outside, in this place there's no hope for career'.
Today Merdeka Day, while shopping at a mall (not that I'm too free, but I went to close a unit trust deal), received a call abt Chief passing away. Then I started sending a few sms out. It's amazing how sms works, I received the same sms I've sent out from diff ppl. Anyway, I also sms sent to mr. K, the once exec director of P***M who hired me & I worked for only 1 day. Then he called me back (while I was locked inside the toilet cubicle!! Doh..) to ask about my life. Really good to know that there's some big guy out there, who's still willing to give an opportunity!
And this comes in the time of crisis when I'm re-strategizing my next career path. From what I briefly shared abt my current workshit corporate kungfu life, he said "this is IT world, there's no relationship at all. Either you're useful or useless." Then I guess he heard all those flushing sound over the mobile, it was a short chat and off I went to do my business :P & pondering on those words 'useful' or 'useless'.
My teamlead is 'not useful' to the mgt. Even I feel it that way. But I owe it to her for fighting for my permanent employment & good salary. I was and still am very useful to her. My crisis is, I do not know how useful I am to the company who thinks my teamlead is useless. Many a times, I felt I could do a better job than her, and I will not give shit to the management like how she'd do, for having the salary that I'm being paid for. My dilemma : how do I get pass her to get into a position where I'll be proven useful for the company? Honestly, I cant do that in my right frame of mind.
Maybe provided.... Well, I really do not want to have the bad intention of wishing her to be removed or she willingly resign, yet but that's the fact of corporate life. That's the only way I can mark my next move. That is if the company do not entirely remove the whole team due to her uselesness. When she genuinely shows her concern abt my career & my next move, I'm so cool in answering her... just couldn't really share all thoughts inside me. [ed. edit/deleted portion deemed unfit]
The management itself has its own screwed up issue, that's another game to play altogether if ever I want to survive and add value. Yes this game is not played on a fair ground. I do hope that other firms out there are not as pathetic. You know its the time for appraisal now, I'm really looking forward to it. But its a gruesome challenge for my teamlead she knows she's as good as dead. But I'm clueless. I'm nobody trying to fight to be somebody. My appraiser will be the mgr based in Sg who'd blacklisted our team and wants my teamlead dead. He's a young guy, 30+, have met once before, very good at talking and taichi, not worthy of my admiration. How would he evaluate me? This is really interesting question. I really want to meet him and find out what he thinks about me / my performance / my usefulness, not because I'm hardup to climb the corporate ladder or brush his shoe, I just need to know. For out of curiousity sake!
My review of me during my industrial training: everything good except communication.
My review at Ac: mostly good but shud improve on communication skill (yeah again!).
My review at my last stupid co: no proper review done but I always get praises cos they're all stupid you see, they even called up the client (now my employer) to find out abt me & only good news.
My review for this year, with my new co? -- really sooo hard to tell that makes me even more eager & curious to find out!
Give me a break. Should get back to work? You know I've been thrown somesort of a homework, actually we've done that before but the mgt do not agree / trust our team's finding, so there I've been asked to re-verify status of 100+ pc over the public holiday and revert by tomorrow 3pm. Friend.... I dont mind doing work that I know I can do. But on a public holiday, how am I going to call up each one of the 100+ users to verify the authencity? Oh yeah.. so my teamlead said "go dig back all the old files that we've recorded our finding"... but the problem is, the records were not exactly complete and previously we were doing it wrongly (oh I hate to say this, but my teamlead didnt know the right way).. so whatever old record I could dig out -- will STILL make the verification output -- incorrect!
You get my point??? How do I tell that to my teamlead, that she's screwed. Question is whether they're trying to break her intentionally or not.
In times of crisis lies opportunities, I so wish to hang on to that. Every morning must pray to Kuanyin before coming to work now. My move now is 'see step walk step'. Also trying to work extra hard, brag abit with my englishpower & diplomacy in the email-arena (yes even the SG ppl, except the mgr writes with grammatic error)... in my ulterior motive of getting good appraisal come mid Sep!
Oh please do not reveal this blog to any of my work-related to associate.
*breath*... I think I better take a good rest for the night... its been a long day.
Wish Chief is reborn into a better place, of course would be best to be in Nirvana, but then if he's reach Nirvana, he wouldn't have to be reborn. I dont exactly believe he's attained Nirvanic bliss but I'd wish and hope and pray that he'll attain a higher realm of bliss, whatever realm that is. You may read more at Buddhist Channel.
My peace be within me, I was nearing to explode. Dont know where I get all my emotions from.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Blogpoints :: that I missed to blog
You wouldn't know how odd this is. At work I couldn't do much personal stuff now, but then I'd still love to crap about whatever that crossed my mind, so how? I'm such a messy/lazy/forgetful person, I survive on desktop post-it notes -- yep that's right I have a post-it notes just on "Blogpoints" -- which I told myself to blog each point per entry, BUT that means I'll have too many entries to post at the end of the day?!!
Bleuggh... so here's all my blogpoint anyway, if it makes any sense to you!
1. The %@^%$*!!@#^% SG team is a #$@^#@%#&^!$$!# pain in the arse! How dare he 'teach' me about 'Integrity' in his email reply to me, cc to all, trying to make me look bad infront of others in order to make himself look good. %%#&#&!!$!#@ The pot calling the kettle black!
[Today: The same thing happened! I think I started the email war by escalating a potential server low on disk space problem, and he replied cc to our manager, insulting not only me but my teamlead for not training me on how to do this inspite of having done this server maintenance on a daily basis for 2 years! Gossh... when I read his email, I want to bang my head, and to reply so sarcasticly that it'll probably cost my job. So after heeding my teamlead's advise, you know to get the greenlight to reply sarcasticly... there I went no remorse. I tried so hard to bite my tongue, and I phrased it so gently: "Appreciate if you could be more diplomatic & be a helpful teamplayer, I wouldn't have escalated to you if I dont need your advise in this. All I'm asking is if there's any files that could be removed off from C: to free the disk space." My teamlead was happy with my reply, and the reply that came from the idiot thereafter was more subdued, asking why didnt I state it clearly in the first place or phoned or pm to avoid the miscommunication! Oh @%&#$^*@!!!!!]
I think I just sent the message across to all: Dont mess with me! I'll see how long I can sustain in this corporate kungfu battleship!
2. Yasmin ~ the story teller. I really love her blog and reading all the comments by the ordinary rakyat. If you would have the time to go through each comment in her blog. Really gratifying to know there's still soulful believers out there in this country that I could really connect with, irregardless of the culture / race factor. Why are these people not found in the political front? I'd vote for Yasmin ~ the storyteller.
3. *Phew.. this point is very difficult to express, inspired by the Cameron trip journey sitting in the same car with 1 training-management-guru + 1 intelligent freethinker + 1 social-economy-activist.... ok im not going to start this, its too BIG a topic, where I'm not knowledgable enuff to talk about yet, damn mind-challenging.
4. Continue from the BIG discussion on religion - the freethinker asked "what if I'm born into a noble church-going staunch Christian family, will I be who I am today?" .... WHAT IF??? I never / hardly thought of those WHAT IF I was born this / that question. But if I have to answer, then I'll say it all really depends on the conditions / upbringing / my own level of intelligence / exposure / karma / journey of life chosen. So even if I'm brainwashed from young (like how I'm brainwashed into Theravada Buddhism since young) into having strong faith in God & Christ, with my level of inquisitive mind, I will somehow have doubts in the 'belief-system' as created by mankind. The moment I tried to free my mind, and read the first paragraph of the Bible -- im lost. It does not correlate with science and logic, not even history nor facts.
5. Wow, saw this blog of a person who'd died. I wonder when I die, will my family ever read my blog?! :D That would be such a legacy!
6. People with the best job on earth, that I wish to have:
a. Ian Wright - come take me! me! I want!
b. Samantha Brown - oohhh... yes I'd go Europe again & taste all the fanciful hotels, can we switch job?!
c. Datuk Dr. Victor Wee - "Oh let my check my diary, oh I'm flying off to Barcelona next week! There's a fireworks competition that I'm going to Malaysia..."
d. Yasmin Ahmad - read blogpoint 2 :)
e. Jamie Oliver - seriously I cant cook but I wish I can & also be able to showoff my cooking skills & have fun & eat & indulge & drink...
7. THIS ONE YOU MUST READ : I've just discovered another profession that I could be really good / passionate about -- to become a Buddhist Psychotherapist! That musical puja night, Dr. Patricia Sherwood from AU was introducing about this course (yes with diploma and even degree) in Buddhist psychology?!?! Oh my lord.. why didn't they have such a course in local uni?! You know I was already amazed at why 'social work' is even a university level course in Singapore and elsewhere but not here? Ok, the diploma external program would cost about A$3.5k! Anyway, maybe I can forget about MBA... just imagined...I have a master's degree in Buddhist psychology... waulaughh... sei mei...
8. Cj's impression about me (during induction camp, everybody were supposed to comment about each other) : "im exposed to many things in the world but im confused abt why things are like that..." that's what you said right, Cj?! To a certain extend, I'd agree. Yes even when I try to describe myself, I'd say I'm "naive in the worldly aspect". I dont live in this 'world' that is real to most of you, I live in different dimension! Somehow I'm like an alien trying to understand how come there are earthlings on this earth doing the things they do. Is that true about me?!?!?
Bleuggh... so here's all my blogpoint anyway, if it makes any sense to you!
1. The %@^%$*!!@#^% SG team is a #$@^#@%#&^!$$!# pain in the arse! How dare he 'teach' me about 'Integrity' in his email reply to me, cc to all, trying to make me look bad infront of others in order to make himself look good. %%#&#&!!$!#@ The pot calling the kettle black!
[Today: The same thing happened! I think I started the email war by escalating a potential server low on disk space problem, and he replied cc to our manager, insulting not only me but my teamlead for not training me on how to do this inspite of having done this server maintenance on a daily basis for 2 years! Gossh... when I read his email, I want to bang my head, and to reply so sarcasticly that it'll probably cost my job. So after heeding my teamlead's advise, you know to get the greenlight to reply sarcasticly... there I went no remorse. I tried so hard to bite my tongue, and I phrased it so gently: "Appreciate if you could be more diplomatic & be a helpful teamplayer, I wouldn't have escalated to you if I dont need your advise in this. All I'm asking is if there's any files that could be removed off from C: to free the disk space." My teamlead was happy with my reply, and the reply that came from the idiot thereafter was more subdued, asking why didnt I state it clearly in the first place or phoned or pm to avoid the miscommunication! Oh @%&#$^*@!!!!!]
I think I just sent the message across to all: Dont mess with me! I'll see how long I can sustain in this corporate kungfu battleship!
2. Yasmin ~ the story teller. I really love her blog and reading all the comments by the ordinary rakyat. If you would have the time to go through each comment in her blog. Really gratifying to know there's still soulful believers out there in this country that I could really connect with, irregardless of the culture / race factor. Why are these people not found in the political front? I'd vote for Yasmin ~ the storyteller.
3. *Phew.. this point is very difficult to express, inspired by the Cameron trip journey sitting in the same car with 1 training-management-guru + 1 intelligent freethinker + 1 social-economy-activist.... ok im not going to start this, its too BIG a topic, where I'm not knowledgable enuff to talk about yet, damn mind-challenging.
4. Continue from the BIG discussion on religion - the freethinker asked "what if I'm born into a noble church-going staunch Christian family, will I be who I am today?" .... WHAT IF??? I never / hardly thought of those WHAT IF I was born this / that question. But if I have to answer, then I'll say it all really depends on the conditions / upbringing / my own level of intelligence / exposure / karma / journey of life chosen. So even if I'm brainwashed from young (like how I'm brainwashed into Theravada Buddhism since young) into having strong faith in God & Christ, with my level of inquisitive mind, I will somehow have doubts in the 'belief-system' as created by mankind. The moment I tried to free my mind, and read the first paragraph of the Bible -- im lost. It does not correlate with science and logic, not even history nor facts.
5. Wow, saw this blog of a person who'd died. I wonder when I die, will my family ever read my blog?! :D That would be such a legacy!
6. People with the best job on earth, that I wish to have:
a. Ian Wright - come take me! me! I want!
b. Samantha Brown - oohhh... yes I'd go Europe again & taste all the fanciful hotels, can we switch job?!
c. Datuk Dr. Victor Wee - "Oh let my check my diary, oh I'm flying off to Barcelona next week! There's a fireworks competition that I'm going to Malaysia..."
d. Yasmin Ahmad - read blogpoint 2 :)
e. Jamie Oliver - seriously I cant cook but I wish I can & also be able to showoff my cooking skills & have fun & eat & indulge & drink...
7. THIS ONE YOU MUST READ : I've just discovered another profession that I could be really good / passionate about -- to become a Buddhist Psychotherapist! That musical puja night, Dr. Patricia Sherwood from AU was introducing about this course (yes with diploma and even degree) in Buddhist psychology?!?! Oh my lord.. why didn't they have such a course in local uni?! You know I was already amazed at why 'social work' is even a university level course in Singapore and elsewhere but not here? Ok, the diploma external program would cost about A$3.5k! Anyway, maybe I can forget about MBA... just imagined...I have a master's degree in Buddhist psychology... waulaughh... sei mei...
8. Cj's impression about me (during induction camp, everybody were supposed to comment about each other) : "im exposed to many things in the world but im confused abt why things are like that..." that's what you said right, Cj?! To a certain extend, I'd agree. Yes even when I try to describe myself, I'd say I'm "naive in the worldly aspect". I dont live in this 'world' that is real to most of you, I live in different dimension! Somehow I'm like an alien trying to understand how come there are earthlings on this earth doing the things they do. Is that true about me?!?!?
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Question: What is the purpose of life?
Hey J***,
I was thinking what the purpose of life is lately. Knowing that I failed to see the real purpose of life (eternally) I am loosing direction and loose out of focus, not knowing what I am doing and what I wanted to achieve. This brings to a certain extent of frustration.
I understand that everything in life is short and the way to eternity of life is to up bring the good values within us and to put in practice with the fullest faith that we have for God. But when we tend to loose the purpose of having faith to God then is a problem cos we do not know why we need to have faith to God… is like having faith to God for nothing? This sounded terrible and you know what, it makes you feels terrible as well… (to make it even worse, makes you feel horrible)
Somehow sometimes we will have the tendency to have bad thoughts “out of nowhere”, it just comes so naturally which I do not want to. I am thinking how we can eliminate those evil thoughts in our mind so that we can live life wisely. (Bad/evil thoughts here referring to: self-centered, selfishness, jealousy, our bad habits etc…) Whenever I have those bad thoughts in mind, I will tend to tell myself to correct it from there, but the thing is how can I not to have those bad thoughts/bad habits in the very first place? So that I would not have those bad feelings to feel bad about myself being a bad person…?
How to become a wise person with a peaceful mind?
~*~
To all readers of my blog, please help me to answer ~ MJ
~*~
23/8/2006, here's my reply --
Before coming to my answer, I'm curious about why / how made you question about the purpose of life. You said you failed to see the real purpose life.. has this just happened or you've always not known the purpose of life from the beginning?
Did you had the answer before but overtime had forgotten about it? And now you're trying to search for it again?
First and foremost, my advise is for you to clear your mind or brain sponge. Its like its too full, like a teacup, so when you keep pouring water into it, it will overflow. Since we cant get a new brain, so we just have to empty the cup / brain.. and then pour new tea / info to drink / absorb.
All that there is for us to know / learn = knowledge... knowledge is power. Aside from gaining knowledge, there's influenced, brainwash mechanism from young that we cannot argue about.. eg. for my case, I do not believe in God the creator and even if I'm not 'brainwashed' by the Buddhist teachings, I dont see myself following the majority of earthlings believing in God.
That makes me unique when I answer "what is the purpose of life, if I dont believe in God?" - this answer may not be acceptable by people who's looking at the question from God-honouring perspective. Just like an apple left on the table, I can point to it and say "this is green" but another guy will point to it and say "this is fruit".. and another guy say "this is apple"... etc..
Does that mean there's no correct answer to what all these ppl are pointing at? I guess you'll agree that all answers are correct / acceptable. Probably a scientist will point to the object (apple) and say "its atom and molecules"... The more important point is - is it more important to determine what is this object (ie. apple) or eating the object and keeping your stomach full as its gettng really hungry.
I dont agree with self-centred = bad thoughts. Self-centred can be view in a positive form, where a person is SURE / confident of himself/herself. You dont find many people who are so self-assuring, who are confident to speak and live up to his/her principles that he/she so strongly believe in. *ahem* trying to talk abt me la.. or anybody u see around u, who do things their way... becos they know they're happy / enjoy / wont regret doing things their way.. as long as the way doesnt harm / hurt other people.
About jealousy, selfishness and even confusion... these are the 3 evil roots of all human beings. Also remember, got jealousy = got love, got selfishness= got generousity, got confusion = got wisdom. Point is, every human is born with these nature.. unless we're robot, but we're not we're human with feelings, perception, brain, 6 senses etc.. hence we're conditioned to the world around us...
The wiser you get through the years, the lesser the queries you'll ask in your mind... you can get more wisdom through reading and understanding. But for some ppl who cudnt read.. its best to start with the basic. Eg. before turnin pro runner, a baby must learn to crawl before can walk, before can run. Einstein said we're only using 10% of our brain capacity (ok whoever said that, try verify the source).. its true we're so lack of knowledge. But majority of people do not read nor understanding what is life. So what's the basics?!
The answer simply "just live life". In living your life, you try to cultivate goodness, by doing more good deeds and living a virtuous life. Eg. be more generous, give more, love animals, love family, love friends more, love plants, care for the people around us etc... these are very simple basics to teach anybody who's even illiterate. We cant teach our old grandparents how to read the bible / Buddhist books / einstein theory etc.. but we an encourage simple basic value of life for a living.
Have you heard of the phrase, "its not the destination, but its the journey that count". Smell the flowers along the journey to your destination. Breath in the air and smile that you're still alive today to breath. See the people / surrounding as you walk this journey... wow there's so much to talk about with this life journey.. is the destination important for you to worry about?
I can speak in more deeper level *ahem*, but hope this is apprehensive enuff for your digestion with tis email. It's not the end of the dscussion... its endless to begin with.
May I ask you - do you know what do you really want in life? *take your time.. dont have to answer immediately, it takes a life time for some ppl to find out the answer.. we'll see how long it takes for you to answer that :)*
...with warmest regards...
MJ
I was thinking what the purpose of life is lately. Knowing that I failed to see the real purpose of life (eternally) I am loosing direction and loose out of focus, not knowing what I am doing and what I wanted to achieve. This brings to a certain extent of frustration.
I understand that everything in life is short and the way to eternity of life is to up bring the good values within us and to put in practice with the fullest faith that we have for God. But when we tend to loose the purpose of having faith to God then is a problem cos we do not know why we need to have faith to God… is like having faith to God for nothing? This sounded terrible and you know what, it makes you feels terrible as well… (to make it even worse, makes you feel horrible)
Somehow sometimes we will have the tendency to have bad thoughts “out of nowhere”, it just comes so naturally which I do not want to. I am thinking how we can eliminate those evil thoughts in our mind so that we can live life wisely. (Bad/evil thoughts here referring to: self-centered, selfishness, jealousy, our bad habits etc…) Whenever I have those bad thoughts in mind, I will tend to tell myself to correct it from there, but the thing is how can I not to have those bad thoughts/bad habits in the very first place? So that I would not have those bad feelings to feel bad about myself being a bad person…?
How to become a wise person with a peaceful mind?
~*~
To all readers of my blog, please help me to answer ~ MJ
~*~
23/8/2006, here's my reply --
Before coming to my answer, I'm curious about why / how made you question about the purpose of life. You said you failed to see the real purpose life.. has this just happened or you've always not known the purpose of life from the beginning?
Did you had the answer before but overtime had forgotten about it? And now you're trying to search for it again?
First and foremost, my advise is for you to clear your mind or brain sponge. Its like its too full, like a teacup, so when you keep pouring water into it, it will overflow. Since we cant get a new brain, so we just have to empty the cup / brain.. and then pour new tea / info to drink / absorb.
All that there is for us to know / learn = knowledge... knowledge is power. Aside from gaining knowledge, there's influenced, brainwash mechanism from young that we cannot argue about.. eg. for my case, I do not believe in God the creator and even if I'm not 'brainwashed' by the Buddhist teachings, I dont see myself following the majority of earthlings believing in God.
That makes me unique when I answer "what is the purpose of life, if I dont believe in God?" - this answer may not be acceptable by people who's looking at the question from God-honouring perspective. Just like an apple left on the table, I can point to it and say "this is green" but another guy will point to it and say "this is fruit".. and another guy say "this is apple"... etc..
Does that mean there's no correct answer to what all these ppl are pointing at? I guess you'll agree that all answers are correct / acceptable. Probably a scientist will point to the object (apple) and say "its atom and molecules"... The more important point is - is it more important to determine what is this object (ie. apple) or eating the object and keeping your stomach full as its gettng really hungry.
I dont agree with self-centred = bad thoughts. Self-centred can be view in a positive form, where a person is SURE / confident of himself/herself. You dont find many people who are so self-assuring, who are confident to speak and live up to his/her principles that he/she so strongly believe in. *ahem* trying to talk abt me la.. or anybody u see around u, who do things their way... becos they know they're happy / enjoy / wont regret doing things their way.. as long as the way doesnt harm / hurt other people.
About jealousy, selfishness and even confusion... these are the 3 evil roots of all human beings. Also remember, got jealousy = got love, got selfishness= got generousity, got confusion = got wisdom. Point is, every human is born with these nature.. unless we're robot, but we're not we're human with feelings, perception, brain, 6 senses etc.. hence we're conditioned to the world around us...
The wiser you get through the years, the lesser the queries you'll ask in your mind... you can get more wisdom through reading and understanding. But for some ppl who cudnt read.. its best to start with the basic. Eg. before turnin pro runner, a baby must learn to crawl before can walk, before can run. Einstein said we're only using 10% of our brain capacity (ok whoever said that, try verify the source).. its true we're so lack of knowledge. But majority of people do not read nor understanding what is life. So what's the basics?!
The answer simply "just live life". In living your life, you try to cultivate goodness, by doing more good deeds and living a virtuous life. Eg. be more generous, give more, love animals, love family, love friends more, love plants, care for the people around us etc... these are very simple basics to teach anybody who's even illiterate. We cant teach our old grandparents how to read the bible / Buddhist books / einstein theory etc.. but we an encourage simple basic value of life for a living.
Have you heard of the phrase, "its not the destination, but its the journey that count". Smell the flowers along the journey to your destination. Breath in the air and smile that you're still alive today to breath. See the people / surrounding as you walk this journey... wow there's so much to talk about with this life journey.. is the destination important for you to worry about?
I can speak in more deeper level *ahem*, but hope this is apprehensive enuff for your digestion with tis email. It's not the end of the dscussion... its endless to begin with.
May I ask you - do you know what do you really want in life? *take your time.. dont have to answer immediately, it takes a life time for some ppl to find out the answer.. we'll see how long it takes for you to answer that :)*
...with warmest regards...
MJ
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
..to blog abt tea?
*blur* the brain is not functioning...
So how's the trip to Cameron? Yea it was good but I need to recollect back the thoughts that I had if I were to write, but how could I let go of thoughts so easily? I think its because of the winding drive up/down the highland that killed all thoughts. You know you cant have the best of everything in the world, sometimes I just cannot enjoy a roadtrip totally if I'm seated at the back seat of a not-very-slow-car circling the hillslope. No there's nothing to vomit out...
ok just shoot... I think the back seat of a Vios is too cramped for a restless passenger like me :P *soooory Cj!* I was 'inspired' from this trip to save up and upgrade my car (after finish paying off the SLK loan) so that next time, I could drive (a better drivable car), have the front seat and NOT feel so dizzy *hopefully*!
It reminded me of my awfully dreadful 8hr bus-ride to Redang from KL at night, where I couldn't sleep, it was too cold and I lie dizzy and awake the whole night.
But being there... the valley itself... the view was nice. And that's about it. There was not much of activity that we could do, except alot of driving which I dread... Ok maybe I'd say I'm more of a beach-person than a mountain girl. I would jump into the water *feet first* instantly then worry about not able to swim later. But I cant jump into the valley from high up the mountain leh! I can only breath in and just relax.. and... breath.
Yet it's just amazing to be there, and get the chance to be part of good old wonder nature that I'm so distant from. That I've always wondered how people could survive living inside with the forrest and trees. *maybe I dont know how to relax* I cant see myself sitting quietly still at the balcony staring into the beautiful valley, and just do nothing! My dad would love it, that's his idea of an ideal vacation where he doesn't have to do anything *cos he cant walk*.
What I enjoyed most is me being hysteria over climbing up into the tea plantation up on the hill, without knowing where's the trail leading to. Its funny / odd how I realised that many girls are not used to trekking. I thought I'm one bad trekking cos I freak out at worms and creepy crawlie but that's about it. I didn't know SF was so afraid of height and I feel maybe because she's afraid to fall?
I guess being me, I must be that proud of myself that I could venture out on my own, but of course it would be silly to trek out there alone *cos nobody could take picture for ME mah* and if I were to fall into from the hill then nobody will be able to find me lah! But still it doesn't sound so scary except unless I injured myself badly that I couldn't bring myself to safety.
I trekked up the hill, LY followed behind, wondering / asking each step, where / how to go. I think for this, I have to thank my 2 times adventure joining the outdoor ELC camp back in uni days. One was inside Mardi, my first time night-jungle trekking with my worst nightmare of 'sitting inside the jungle' after the rain in the dark, SF must have freaked out big time. What I was fearful about was not darkness but LEECHES! I couldn't SEE anything and I know there were leeches everywhere. At the end of that adventure, I knew I didn't overcome my leech-phobia but it was totally kwel walking alone with a candle by myself finding my way out.
The 2nd 'experience' was a very tiring long wild jungle trekking at Templer's Park where I was 'committee', supposed facilitator but still fearful of leeches. Multiple doh. 4 hours trekking from start till the end.. half way through it RAINED so heavily, and we were all carrying minibackpack. At some point, I had to be 'carried' up by the guys cos it was too steep to climb. Some tree branch were so torny and we just had to be careful everysteps! Wonderful memory, cos I thought I was almost going to give up... but I couldn't. The whole team of committee+participants has to walk together and finish the whole trail indefinitely. After completing that impossible journey, I really believed "Nothing is Impossible"! And THAT YOU CAN DO IT!
Ok where was I... so the tea plantation was easy water trek la... but I was trying to fight with my camera... you see, when there's a beautiful sky... and when my camera cannot capture the sky as sky... I die! I dont know how to win this battle with my camera.. URRRRRgggghhh!
Definitely enjoyed the company of the people that came on this trip. There were lotsa noise, chats, laughs and even fights! Oh boy.. what is life without ups and down, or high and low. I know tym was trying to cope with stomachpain and HC suffering from migraine. And every driver getting overpaid! I really hate this, but the resolution set for the most beautiful taken was by mistake -- too low! I have NO IDEA how I set the mode, I'm going to bang my head on the wall.
But then, I'm back to reality so fast. Had to switch on the work-brain so soon. No time to recover over my stupidity.
Thank you for the wonderful enjoyable and most definitely fun trip with Tea!
So how's the trip to Cameron? Yea it was good but I need to recollect back the thoughts that I had if I were to write, but how could I let go of thoughts so easily? I think its because of the winding drive up/down the highland that killed all thoughts. You know you cant have the best of everything in the world, sometimes I just cannot enjoy a roadtrip totally if I'm seated at the back seat of a not-very-slow-car circling the hillslope. No there's nothing to vomit out...
ok just shoot... I think the back seat of a Vios is too cramped for a restless passenger like me :P *soooory Cj!* I was 'inspired' from this trip to save up and upgrade my car (after finish paying off the SLK loan) so that next time, I could drive (a better drivable car), have the front seat and NOT feel so dizzy *hopefully*!
It reminded me of my awfully dreadful 8hr bus-ride to Redang from KL at night, where I couldn't sleep, it was too cold and I lie dizzy and awake the whole night.
But being there... the valley itself... the view was nice. And that's about it. There was not much of activity that we could do, except alot of driving which I dread... Ok maybe I'd say I'm more of a beach-person than a mountain girl. I would jump into the water *feet first* instantly then worry about not able to swim later. But I cant jump into the valley from high up the mountain leh! I can only breath in and just relax.. and... breath.
Yet it's just amazing to be there, and get the chance to be part of good old wonder nature that I'm so distant from. That I've always wondered how people could survive living inside with the forrest and trees. *maybe I dont know how to relax* I cant see myself sitting quietly still at the balcony staring into the beautiful valley, and just do nothing! My dad would love it, that's his idea of an ideal vacation where he doesn't have to do anything *cos he cant walk*.
What I enjoyed most is me being hysteria over climbing up into the tea plantation up on the hill, without knowing where's the trail leading to. Its funny / odd how I realised that many girls are not used to trekking. I thought I'm one bad trekking cos I freak out at worms and creepy crawlie but that's about it. I didn't know SF was so afraid of height and I feel maybe because she's afraid to fall?
I guess being me, I must be that proud of myself that I could venture out on my own, but of course it would be silly to trek out there alone *cos nobody could take picture for ME mah* and if I were to fall into from the hill then nobody will be able to find me lah! But still it doesn't sound so scary except unless I injured myself badly that I couldn't bring myself to safety.
I trekked up the hill, LY followed behind, wondering / asking each step, where / how to go. I think for this, I have to thank my 2 times adventure joining the outdoor ELC camp back in uni days. One was inside Mardi, my first time night-jungle trekking with my worst nightmare of 'sitting inside the jungle' after the rain in the dark, SF must have freaked out big time. What I was fearful about was not darkness but LEECHES! I couldn't SEE anything and I know there were leeches everywhere. At the end of that adventure, I knew I didn't overcome my leech-phobia but it was totally kwel walking alone with a candle by myself finding my way out.
The 2nd 'experience' was a very tiring long wild jungle trekking at Templer's Park where I was 'committee', supposed facilitator but still fearful of leeches. Multiple doh. 4 hours trekking from start till the end.. half way through it RAINED so heavily, and we were all carrying minibackpack. At some point, I had to be 'carried' up by the guys cos it was too steep to climb. Some tree branch were so torny and we just had to be careful everysteps! Wonderful memory, cos I thought I was almost going to give up... but I couldn't. The whole team of committee+participants has to walk together and finish the whole trail indefinitely. After completing that impossible journey, I really believed "Nothing is Impossible"! And THAT YOU CAN DO IT!
Ok where was I... so the tea plantation was easy water trek la... but I was trying to fight with my camera... you see, when there's a beautiful sky... and when my camera cannot capture the sky as sky... I die! I dont know how to win this battle with my camera.. URRRRRgggghhh!
Definitely enjoyed the company of the people that came on this trip. There were lotsa noise, chats, laughs and even fights! Oh boy.. what is life without ups and down, or high and low. I know tym was trying to cope with stomachpain and HC suffering from migraine. And every driver getting overpaid! I really hate this, but the resolution set for the most beautiful taken was by mistake -- too low! I have NO IDEA how I set the mode, I'm going to bang my head on the wall.
But then, I'm back to reality so fast. Had to switch on the work-brain so soon. No time to recover over my stupidity.
Thank you for the wonderful enjoyable and most definitely fun trip with Tea!
Friday, August 11, 2006
Bummer..
who very fai? Me. Myself.
The whole week, I'm supposed to process my application for a new job. On Monday, I was given the HR forms to fill in, and told to send it back before the end of the week.
Things I need :-
1. my passport photos
2. photostate ic / cert / last payslip
3. complete the checklist
.. hmm wait i dont have a big envelope, ok must go out to buy..
....hmm... what I dont my passport photo, shoot must purposely go out Tuesday night to do it.
Shit, I forgot to bring the certs to photostate on Tue, so wait Wed kau tim everything, so by thursday can tumpang my dad to hand it up on his way to work.
SHIT, Wed evening I realise I left my cert / file in the office!
Fine, I still got Thursday, photostate everything, oh last thing is to drive out purposely buy envelope.
Thursday night, I told my dad what to do...
Thursday night, I started packing all the non-related to the job application stuff and went over to my cousin house to close a UT deal. I came back to sleep.
Friday morning, woke up.. realise.. HEY I HAVENT GET READY THE Docs and my dad has LEFT to work!
Shoot... jumped off the bed, to arrange the stuff and fill up the gaps. And pray that my mom wouldn't kill me for asking HER to drive all the way to TPM to hand in the doc.
Lunch time, mom buzz me said dad came back from work, probably to help me get the doc. Then I guess both of them went all the way to hand in the docs to the guardhouse of the company.
I sms my member working inside the co if his supervisor received my doc, he replied "I dont think so, he's on leave today."
I rest case.
(see, I dont have to go thru my parents-trouble, if I can GO on next Monday just because I wanna leave up to the expectation of handing in up by this week!! I've already taken 1/2 day mah for next Monday!! Isssh... really want to strangle somebody... myself probably)
The whole week, I'm supposed to process my application for a new job. On Monday, I was given the HR forms to fill in, and told to send it back before the end of the week.
Things I need :-
1. my passport photos
2. photostate ic / cert / last payslip
3. complete the checklist
.. hmm wait i dont have a big envelope, ok must go out to buy..
....hmm... what I dont my passport photo, shoot must purposely go out Tuesday night to do it.
Shit, I forgot to bring the certs to photostate on Tue, so wait Wed kau tim everything, so by thursday can tumpang my dad to hand it up on his way to work.
SHIT, Wed evening I realise I left my cert / file in the office!
Fine, I still got Thursday, photostate everything, oh last thing is to drive out purposely buy envelope.
Thursday night, I told my dad what to do...
Thursday night, I started packing all the non-related to the job application stuff and went over to my cousin house to close a UT deal. I came back to sleep.
Friday morning, woke up.. realise.. HEY I HAVENT GET READY THE Docs and my dad has LEFT to work!
Shoot... jumped off the bed, to arrange the stuff and fill up the gaps. And pray that my mom wouldn't kill me for asking HER to drive all the way to TPM to hand in the doc.
Lunch time, mom buzz me said dad came back from work, probably to help me get the doc. Then I guess both of them went all the way to hand in the docs to the guardhouse of the company.
I sms my member working inside the co if his supervisor received my doc, he replied "I dont think so, he's on leave today."
I rest case.
(see, I dont have to go thru my parents-trouble, if I can GO on next Monday just because I wanna leave up to the expectation of handing in up by this week!! I've already taken 1/2 day mah for next Monday!! Isssh... really want to strangle somebody... myself probably)
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